The X Band, Part Deuce! Sort of, anyway
by EE's Skysong
Summary: Rogue gets bored and decides to restart the Xband, but a bunch of annoying things keep getting in the way. If you like Romyness, Jottbashing, and random insanity, read this!
1. Bored stiff, or why Jean is dumb

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. I'll have someone's head for this!

(An: Yes, I have succumbed to the madness. .:cackles:. S'anyway, I'm always open to suggestion, because I have no plot beyond the first four or five chappies, savvy? Expect some of the same but lots more randomness, cause I'm better at this now!)

As in all of my humor fics, the X-men were bored. Ever since the prof' had pulled the plug on the band, they hadn't had much to do but more of the same. (Y'know, bashing villains, angsting about their sucky lives, that old plot-device.) After all, I'd like to see someone top Apocalypse. And they didn't even have that many enemies anymore. Just the Brotherhood, considering that the Acolytes were now part of the X-men.

The only interesting thing they'd been doing lately were Logan's training sessions, and that was just _sad_.

So there they were, just sitting in the common room, nothing better to do.

"Dude, this is boring," said Bobby. (He always get first dibs on talking in my humor fics. It's a little agreement we have, savvy?)

=20 MINUTES LATER=

Kurt groaned and banged his head on the wall. "There-is-nothing-to-do!"

"That's telling it," said Jean dryly.

"Oh, like, shut up Jean. He's like, totally right, anyway," said Kitty.

Jean growled and her eyes glowed firey. "**_You can't talk to me that way! For I am the Pheonix! Fire incarnate and substance of all that is..er, burny!_**"

"Did someone say fire?" asked Pyro.

"NO!" shouted everyone but Pyro and Jean.

"Jean," said Scott, tapping her on the shoulder. "Jean! It's not that story arc yet. Come back!"

"**_It's not?_**"****

"No, they _were_ going to cover that, but-"

"Ssh!", cautioned Kurt. "If you say anything you aren't supposed to, the author will duct-tape your mouth shut and lock you in her basement! There are rats in their! Big, dead ones!" (An: .:insert evil laughter:. Doom on you! Doom on you!)

Meanwhile, all the spark had gone out of Jean. "**_Usually when I pull that no one can take their eyes off me. Hmmph. This is no fun_**." She went back to her normal self.

Rogue rolled her eyes. "Look at us! We're so bored, we'll settle for pullin' out tha dumbest, sappiest plot-device for a bit of action!"

Scott stood up. "She's right! Who wants to do some DR time?" He stood on top of the coffee table, went into "leader mode", and began to to lecture everyone.

"Grrr," said Tabitha. (Yes, I have decided to drag her into the X-band. I think she's cool!) "Shut up Shades." She kicked his legs out from underneath him.

Scott fell, landing on his butt. The coffee table couldn't take such an assault. It broke into a million shards of woody goodness."Ooooh the pain.. Medic?"

Jean, who had been muttering to herself about a way to get more people to pay attention to her, noticed her man was in trouble. "Oh, Scott!" She sprang into action, making Scott as comfortable as possible. At least, as comfortable as someone can be with wood splinters the size of Gambit's bo staff wedged up his ass.

"What Ah _meant_ was that..," she stood up, "Ah say we restart the X-band!"'

Scott and Jean gasped. "B-b-but, the professor said we had to stop!", said Scott, who tried to stand up. His pupils dilated as several of the splinters got wedged in deeper. "Mother.." He fell back down.

"Whatevah Scott," said Rogue with a shrug. "It's eitha this or we start vigilantian' again." ('Member "Walk on the Wild Side?" 'Tis one of me fav eps. And no, I have no idea how to spell that.)

"Er...," said Scott and Jean in unison, looking at each other uneasily. They decided to go with the lesser of two evils.

"All right," said Scott, "We won't tell the professor. You guys have to take the rap if he finds out though."

"YES!", said everyone else.

(So that was the first chappy. Much better then the first chappy of the original, no?)


	2. Sk8ters are dumb or italics rock!

Disclaimer: When someone says they think I own Marvel, I laugh and laugh and laugh. Usually I can stop laughing before they edge away and start talking about tranquilizers.

(An: Right. You don't have to have read "The X-band" to get this story, but it'd help with the injokes! I have injokes! I amaze me sometimes. Anyway, please review, because I have NO plot for this beyond.. oh the first five chappies or so. And even then I'm faking it, savvy? Dammit! I can't stop saying savvy! And NO, I haven't been watching POTC lately, savvy's just gotten in my brain.. er, savvy? -clears throat- Right. And I have no idea how big my AN is because this thing is so SMALL! So I'll stop now, shall I? One last thing, thoughts are in italics.)

Kitty was busy falling asleep in Algebra when a large wad of paper hit her in the head. "Like, hey!", she said, rubbing her head and looking for whoever'd _dare_ hit her.

Rogue nodded at her and mimed opening the wad.

Kitty shrugged and did. "Kitty, sorry, Ah've got reallah bad aim and Ah doan pass notes often," read the note. _Why would she, like, write her notes in her, like, accent?_ "It's bettah that ya doan ask, sugah. Anyway, pass this on: Tabby knows a place where we can practice with tha band. Meet meh at the park aftah school. Show this ta all our band mates, k?"

_Like, whatever._ Kitty recrumpled the note and threw it at Kurt, and so on and so on.

=AFTER SCHOOL, BAYVILLE PARK=

(An: Just to remind y'all, here's the lineup: Male Lead Singer: Scott. Male Backups: Bobby and Sam. Female Lead Singer and Lead Guitarist: Rogue. Female Backups: Amara, Jubilee, and Rahne. Drums: Kurt and John. Dj: Jamie. Backup Guitars and Bass: Ray, Rob, Remy, and Kitty. If you don't know their codenames by now, then DOOM ON YOU! I've been watching Ice Age a lot lately and it kind of shows. Eventually I'll get around to writing a parody of it. Go me! And no, I'm not sure where I'll put Tabby in the band.)

The group was standing in Bayville Park. "So Scott," said Rogue, "What did you tell the adults?"

"I told them the truth."

"YOU **_WHAT_**?!?!?" shouted everyone else.

"Hey hey hey," said Scott, holding up his hands. "I told them we were going to the Park for a 'practice'. Get it?"

"Ohhhh," said everyone else.

"So therefore, I told him the truth, without telling him the truth. I'm so smart!"

Jean sighed and patted him on the head. "Yes, Scott, you are. Here. Catch the snack!" She tossed what appeared to be a dog biscuit in the air.

"Ooh! Ooh! I got it!", said Scott. He jumped and caught the biscuit in his teeth. "Mmm, that's good kibble."

"Yes Scott, it is," said Jean, sighing and rolling her eyes.

Tabitha walked up, smirking.

"Hey Tabby," said Rogue.

"Hiya Stripes," said Tabby. "Y'guys need a place to practice, right?"

"Er, yeah, zhat's vhy we're dealing with you in zhe first place," said Kurt, stepping in front of Rogue. (Yes, I have succumbed to doing Kurt's accent. Just kill me now!)

"Shut up Kurt," said Rogue, shoving Kurt on the ground. "So, anyway, Tabs, where's tha place?"

"Follow me," said Tabitha, walking off.

=20 MINUTES LATER, SOME DARK, SCARY PART OF BAYVILLE THE X-MEN RARELY GO TO=

"Hey, Remy know dis place," said Remy. "Dis is Thieves alley, _non_?" (I figure, if I got italics I may as well use 'em.)

"Yep, this is that alright," said Tabitha with a shrug. "Now we just gotta wait for my-"

"Yo!", said a familiar, annoying voice.

"Hey Evan," said Tabitha. "So, ya got us a place then?"

"Yep," said Evan. "Follow me." ('Member, this is "angst" Evan, with the fire-spikes and plate armor, savvy?)

=15 MINUTES LATER, THE SEWER=

"Ew, this is hardly worth it," said Amara. "We princesses should _never_ have to go through this."

"Shut up Amara," said Evan, who was slightly P.O'ed, "not all of us get it as good as you do."

=30 MINUTES AFTER THAT, STILL THE SEWERS=

"Er, Evan, are we lost?", asked Rogue.

"I am NOT," said Evan. "We're fine. I'm just taking a, er, a shortcut, that's it, a shortcut. We'll be there in no time."

=20 MINUTES LATER=

"If this is a shortcut, I'd hate to see the long way," said Kurt. "My feet are killing me."

"Are you SURE we're not lost?", asked Rogue.

"**WE ARE _NOT_ LOST**!!!!", shouted Evan.

"Ok, ok, jeez Evan, don't go mental on us," muttered Rogue.

=AN HOUR LATER=

Evan sat down in defeat. "Ok, peeps, we're lost."

(An: Sooo, what havoc could I wreak now, while the X-men are lost in the sewers? Mwha-hahaha! You'll havta wait for the next chappy!!)


	3. At Apocalypse's lair, or fun with italic...

Disclaimer: Marvel does not belong to me. Oh sadness.

(An: Ah yes. The Morlocks. How I detest them. If you are a Morlock fan, turn back now mere mortal! Mwa-hahaha! I happen to think that the Morlocks are dumb. Instead of asking Professor X for some nice holo-watches, they go live in the sewers. So yeah. I hate 'em, and I strongly strongly dislike Evan (I can't say I hate him, because he was a major char in too many eps and I already hate Jean and Scott so then I'd die in a fiery explosion. Why, you ask? Long, complicated, and stupid reason, savvy?) So anyway, I'm going to leave off torturing Jott for a short period (about 2 chapters, y'all can wait that long) to concetrate on the Morlocks. And yes, this chapter does count in that. As for the way Apoc. speaks: I've never seen his eps, and I wanted to up the comedic value by making him more menacing then Pheonix. Therefore, it's underlined!)

=SOMEWHERE IN EGYPT =

"MWA-HAHAHAHAHAAAAA! No, that's not right. BWE-HEHEHEHEHEH! Wrong AGAIN!"

**_"It goes like this, you idiot. MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- gasp- BWOAH-HOAHOAHOAHAO- GASP- MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! And then some evil-sounding snickering for good measure," _**said Apocalypse.

"Well, how was I supposed to know that?" asked Mesmero. Apocalypse shrugged.

**_"Not my problem lackey. Why were you laughing evilly anyway? That's usually MY job."_**

"Well, sir, I just found the weapon."

_**"What weapon, oh mind-controlled tool of mine?"**_

"Not just _any_-"

_**"Hey. Talking in italics is MY job."**_

"Ok, whatever. I found the weapon that'll let us-" Apocalypse glared at him, "- I-I mean YOU defeat the X-men!" There was a pause.

_**"So? What is it?"**_

"Oh. Right." Mesmero whipped a sheet off of a table. Beneath it was the strangest thing Apocalypse had ever seen, and that was saying something.

It appeared to be made up of a strange green bendy stick with some kind of bug-thing on the end, perched on four of those cat toys with the weasels that chase the balls. Stuck on the green thing was a squishy blue ball on a stretchy rope (a.k.a. a water yo-yo). Trailing behind it was a bone-shaped stick with a bag on the end. (All of these things DO exist; except for the weasel on a ball I own them.)

_**"What is THAT?!?"**_

"What do you mean, 'what is it'?"

_**"Ppfht. Hired help. Let me try this slower: What. Is. It?"**_

"It's a doomsday device, Mr. Apocalypse guy sir," said someone.

_**"Ack! What was that?!?"**_

Forge stepped out of a shadowy corner. "Relaaax, Jive Turkey. It's just me." Apocalypse gave him a blank look. "Forge. The inventor guy? Bionic arm? Super genius from the 70's? Middleverse? Shado-"

Suddenly there was a bamf, and Kurt and Sam appeared. Sam slapped his hand over Forge's mouth.

"Don't say any more," said Sam. "Otherwise the creepy author will lock you up in her basement."

"Yeah," agreed Kurt. "For us, it's even worse. She _likes_-"

_**"HEY! I'M the only one who can talk in italics!"**_

"Er, vhatever. Just don't say anymore pal. The author likes me too, and just- oooohh, the memories!" Kurt shuddered and broke off, whimpering.

"She has rats in her basement. Big, dead ones.And duck tape. Lots of duck tape. The kind made from ducks."

Forge gave Sam and Kurt strange looks but nodded anyway.

Kurt and Sam bamfed away.

"Okaaaaaay," said Forge.

Apocalypse tapped his foot. **_"WELL, wierd-inventor-person-who-I've-never-heard-of? How will this.. this... this arcane THING help me defeat the X-men and take over the world?"_**

"Um, because the X-men are weak, and you are really really really strong and this thing'll make you even stronger?"

_**"COOL! Uh, I mean.. That will be good, er, Forge, right?"**_

"Sure, I come up with the idea, but the inventor gets called by his name," muttered Mesmero, making sure Apocalypse wouldn't be able to hear him.

"Yeah. So, how do I get payed, then?"

"Payed?" asked Mesmero. "I thought you said you were doing this for free."

Forge stared at him.

"Ok. What do you want?"

**_"How about Canada? Nobody's using it, anyway,"_** suggested Apocalypse.

"Ok. Oh yeah, can I also get the rights to all those 70's tv shows and the world's supply of disco balls?"

**_"Done and done,"_** said Apocalypse, holding out his hand to shake.

Forge handed him a remote control. "Just face this baby at the X-men and push that button."

"We agree. Now get out of here," said Mesmero.

Forge walked out.

Apocalypse inspected the.. thing. **_"Good work minion."_**

"Uh, sir, it's Mesmero, not minion."

_**"Yeah, sure whatever. They both start with 'M', don't they? Leave me and.. Sue Anna in peace, ok?"**_

"Er, 'Sue Anna'?"

Apocalypse indicated the device. **_"Yes, yes, Sue Anna. Now get out of here, before I - we, fry you, got it?"_**, he said, flapping a hand at him.

Mesmero gulped. "Yes oh great one." Apocalypse glared, and began to glow. "Gone!" Mesmero made his way out.

(Yes, I am aware of it's shortness, but it's well funny anyway, right? Next chapter: Lost, or Morlock torture is an art form.)


	4. More Apocalypse, or brainwashing stinks!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the arcane device known as Sue Anna.

(An: Yes, I changed the chapter title, but only because Sue Anna wouldn't shut up about it. It's better not to ask, savvy? -smacks forehead- Yes, I went to the trouble of building a Sue Anna, just to see what would happen. Strangely enough, after I added some duct tape, it worked. Scared the hell out of my cats as well! -snicker snicker- Of course, it doesn't make much of a doomsday device, but.. well I'll get to that. -insert evil laughter- I work too hard for you ppl; I know you're reading so click that little blue button and review. It's not hard; I do it a lot. I would've just gone on and did the Morlock torture a.s.a.p., but I don't have the time right now. I'll add another chapter later, prolly.)

=APOCALYPSE'S SECRET JET, SOMEWHERE BETWEEN EGYPT AND BAYVILLE=

"THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS-"

_**"Alright alright, SHUT UP! We'll stop for lunch. Idiotic lackey. Where did you learn that song, anyway?"**_

"From those idiot Brotherhood boys, during a lapse in my service when we couldn't locate the second key, my lord," said Mesmero.

**_"Oh. So now that we've got that out of the way, leave me and Sue Anna in peace. Go bother the pilot or something."_** said Apocalypse. He turned back to the doomsday device, which he had dubbed "Sue Anna," for some strange reason. **_"Now, then, Sue Anna, as I was saying before we were so rudely interupted.."_**

Mesmero walked out. "Stupid doomsday device. Four seasons of faithful service, and what do I get? 'Idiotic lackey', 'minion', and 'brain-washed servant'. And then that thing comes along and suddenly, it's not a deadly device, no, it's 'Sue Anna! And that inventor guy comes along, and builds the thing in thirty seconds, and he gets CANADA! And I don't even get a 'good work Mesmero' or a minor country!"

=LATER THAT DAY, THE LOCAL GUTBOMB=

_**"Sigh. Ok, let's try this again. I would like the double deluxe Gutbomb burger basket. My minion would like a Silly Meal with double the cheese on his burger. We also demand that you give us the complete set of the Tiny Spiny babies along with two Cokes and a extra order of fries, you got that?"**_

"Uh...," said the voice from the speaker at the menu thing. "Uh... Hey do you guys drive that jet everywhere???"

"Grrr," said Mesmero. "Open your mind to me, puny human!"

"Uhh... Ok..," said the teenager.

"Good good," said Mesmero. "Now, you will give us what we ordered, you will NOT ask any undue questions about the jet we're flying in, and we will NOT have to pay. Understand?"

"Duhhhhh, ok sir. Please drive up to the second window."

"Heh heh, works every time," said Mesmero with a smile.

=15 MINUTES LATER, A PLAYGROUND NEAR A MANHOLE=

**_"That's right Sue Anna, just swing back and forth, back and forth..."_** Apocalpyse broke off and began to drool.

"Uh, sir?"

Apocalypse continued drooling as he watched "Sue Anna" swing. Then it fell off, its green stick part bending at a very bad angle. He gasped. **_"Sue Anna!"_** He rushed to the device and cradled it in his arms.

"Oh dear," muttered Mesmero. "It's going to be a loooong day."

(I can't do any more. Wish I could, but I can't. Y'all will havta settle for this for now. And just to remind you guys: **_I NEED SUGGESTIONS!! PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE!!! _**)


	5. Morlock torture is an art form, or Sue A...

Disclaimer: I've as of yet not managed to own the X-men, not for lack of trying and hostile takeovers.

(An: -sighs- I would've had this chapter up yesterday, but my compu crashed and I lost it. Damn Windows XP!! -shakes fist at Bill Gates- Die, you evil evil billionaire! But anyway, right. I'm going to combat the idea of the X-men being lost thanks to Evan in the next chapter, savvy? And maybe, just maybe, if you guys are good and review with suggestions, I'll add some Jott torture and Romy-ness in it as well, savvy? Damn POTC to heck, heck I say! And damn Johnny Depp to my basement! Goddammit! I feel like such an idiot! I was in a hurry when I posted this so I forgot to change the coding. I feel stupid.)

=OUTSIDE A MANHOLE, SOMEWHERE IN BAYVILLE=

_**"Are you SURE this is the place where the X-men have made their lair?"**_

"YES, sire," said Mesmero, who had developed a nasty tic under his left eye. "All the readouts say that a bunch of mutants matching their descriptions are currently IN THE SEWERS!" (-evil laugh- Torturing your characters can be subtle sometimes. But most of the times its not.)

**_"I just don't feel comfortable sending Sue Anna down there. All those sweaty guys in spandex! Spandex! What if she decides she doesn't go for glowy guys in loincloths?"_** Apocalypse looked like he could burst into tears at any moment.

"Um....," said Mesmero. _What do I do? What do I do??? This wasn't on the list of things I had to do for MY LORD AND MASTER, _Mesmero thought. "Er..."

**_"Oh, you're no help,"_** said Apocalypse, beginning to sob quietly, **_"Go ahead. Send Sue Anna into the sewers. Go with her. I wish to cry alone now."_**

"Um, okaaaay," said Mesmero, slowly backing away from him. **_Why did I have to go for an evil person that's an idiot? I could have gone for Mags, or even gone straight and joined Xavier. But nooo, I go for the idiot with a fetish!_**

He pushed Sue Anna down the sewers and followed after her.

Mesmero took out the remote control and pushed the big red button. It beeped, and Sue Anna's weasel balls came to life.

She started rolling over the rubble and general stuff in the sewers. Apparently Forge had done something to it so that no matter what she came across, she didn't fall over, just kept rolling and rolling.. _Darn it! Darn it all to heck! Now I'm falling for her! AAAAHHH!_

Mesmero gave up and ran after her, calling "Wait for me, my darling!"

=WHEREVER THE MORLOCKS MAKE THEIR BASE=

Callisto looked up from her book. "What the heck is that noise?"

Torpid shrugged.

Just then, Sue Anna rolled in, Mesmero in hot pursuit. Mesmero, spotting the Morlocks, gasped and ran back out. _Oh dear God! They've all been mutated beyond all recognition!_

Callisto blinked. "What the-" There was a loud crash as Sue Anna came barreling in through the wall. Apparently, she had used her water yo-yo like a wrecking ball.

Now, Sue Anna was not a discerning... whatever she was. Basically, her programming extended to "Kill any unfamiliar mutants you come across." Familiar mutants being Forge, Apocalypse, and Mesmero. (Although Forge had wavered slightly on putting Mesmero on the "familiar" list, heh heh.)

The bug thing on Sue Anna's green stick came to life. (It WAS there for a reason, yes ppl, it WAS there for a reason.) _Let's see, unfamiliar, unfamiliar, unfamiliar, unfamiliar. IT'S TIME TO DIE, FOR YOU! _ (That last bit is a nod to "Potter Puppet Pals." If you like Harry Potter, or heck, even if you don't, go look it up. It's damn funny, even if it takes forever to load. You can even buy t-shirts!)

The Morlocks blinked. "What's that?", they all asked in unison. Well, except for Torpid, but she can't speak, so yeah.

Lazer beams came out of Sue Anna's eyes, and everyone died in a fiery explosion. (I WAS going to drag this out, but then I started on Krac's fic "Aftermath and Regeneration", and read the whole bit about the Morlocks, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Sorry. But I will torture Evan, don't worry, I just haven't figured out how to do it yet.)

Except of course for Caliban, who had been sitting in the other room playing with an alligator. He blinked at the loud crash as Sue Anna came through the wall. "RUN AWAAAAY!" he screeched. (Caliban is the only Morlock I like; don't ask why, even I don't know.)

=FAR AWAY, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SEWER, RIGHT WHERE AND WHEN WE LEFT THE X-MEN=

('Member, all of this was happening during the whole getting lost plot device.)

Rogue glared and punched the wall. Remy smacked his forehead and went over to remind her of her anger management tips. (I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and BRIIIIIGHT!)

Just then Caliban came running in.

"Caliban?" asked Evan from the ground.

"Oh oh SSssspyke it'ssss awful theirssss thisss thing and it'sss killing and oh it'sss awful!!!" There was a loud crash from a good way off. "Oh no, it'ssss coming thisss way! RUN FOR YOUR LIVESSSS!" And Caliban ran off ssssscreaming.

Evan blinked. "Right. Did you guys understand a word of what he just said?"

Rogue shook her head. "Ah don't think we want ta know."

"You know," said Kitty, "We could have, like, asked him for like, directions."

Rogue smacked her forehead. "She's right, god damn it."

"Well, dere's not'in' we can do 'bout dat now," said Remy. "Remy doan t'ink we could got some answers outta dat guy anyway, even if we could understand de accent."

Just then, Sue Anna came crashing through the wall. Her bug-on-a-stick blinked. _Oh no way. I'm outta here._

Mesmero, ever the faithful servant, came running in, still calling, "Wait for me!"

Sue Anna rolled her eyes, and a sign popped out of her bag-on-a-bone. "I quit," it read, "Going on vacation. Call me!" And with that Sue Anna rolled off.

Mesmero blinked. "But what am I supposed to tell the boss?"

Sue Anna ignored him, just kept rolling.

Mesmero ran off after her.

The X-men blinked. "What was dat about?" asked Remy

Rogue shrugged. "We're stuck in a running gag. Get used to it, sugah."

"Well, we may as well start walking," said Evan, getting up.

=FAR FAR AWAY, SOME BEACH IN THE BAHAMAS=

Sue Anna was sitting on a deck chair in the Bahamas. _Aaah, this is the life. No stalkers, no freaky mutant things, no work, just me, my drink, and the view._

**_"Sue Anna, my darling! I love a girl that plays hard to get!"_** said an annoyingly familiar voice from behind her.

_Oh no._

"Weeeee're baaaa-aack," said Mesmero, grinning at her.

(So I'll leave you with that. Review with suggestions and I'll do what I promised, savvy?

And now, for a shout-out to my first reviewer! Give her a hand ppl!

EviltwinAlix: I think it is very very coolie-oolies that you reviewed. And with suggestions no less! I will have Logan go insane, I luv to do that to ppl, and Mags, well I have to make Mags do something stupid. I have evil evil plans for a sleepover.. heh heh heh, and don't worry, Jott torturing will begin, because I am a sucker for a reviewer! And also because if you've ever read a jott 'mic bio you all know what happens with Jott's kids.. -shudders- And for everyone else: Go read her romy ficlets, for they do rocketh!


	6. Logan's tortured soul, or I ship LoganRo...

Disclaimer: Marvel's not mine. If it were, Romy would be the main chars and Jott would DIE, DIE I tell you! Sorry. Touchy subject. Oh yeah, and I don't own Wierd Al either.

(An: Ok, yep, it was requested and so it shall be done. My only reviewer on , EviltwinAlix, requested that Logan go crazy again and fall in love with Rodney. I have to change the name, it will be -dun dun dun- RodNA instead of a male because I (for all my Logan torturing) wish to keep him straight, thank you very much. ETA is a very good Romy writer, and unlike all you ppl here, she has come up with suggestions that will keep me busy-busy for a good bit yet! -insert evil laughter- Now, as for you ppl on EE: Suggestions! I'm beggin y'here! ETA may be vair vair useful, but she's not all-powerful! Neither am I but that's not the point! Sugestions! And I would like feed-back on what you guys find funny, so I can RULE THE WORLD, uh I mean make this fic funnier, savvy? Eh heh heh.)

=THE SEWERS, WHERE WE LAST LEFT THE X-MEN= (and the annoying cretin known as Evan)

The X-band members were lost. Lost lost lost. They had no idea where they were, except for the obvious fact that they were somewhere beneath Bayville.

So, being the amiable and somewhat stupid-at-times mutants that they were, they decided to follow Evan instead of poking their heads out of the nearest manhole to find out their locations like, oh say, SANE people. Er, mutants.

"Well guys, we may as well start walkin'," said Evan, getting up.

"Ok, whatevah," said Rogue. "It's not like we're gonna make it outta this with our minds and/or bodies intact, ya know."

"I don't know why you guys are so paranoid," said Evan breezily, "it's not like the author is twisted and sadistic or anything." (-ominous music is heard in the background-)

"Evan! Shut up!" screeched Kurt and Sam.

"Do you really want to end up in her basement?!?"

"What are they going on about?" whispered Evan to Rogue as he slowly inched closer to her.

"Grrr," muttered Remy as he pulled out a few cards.

"Moving," squeaked Evan. (And THAT, my dear kidlets, is my stasis on Evan/Rogue pairings. EW EW EW!)

"Well, see Evan, tha author IS twisted and sadistic, we're just not supposed to know that but we do, due to the first installment of the X-band, also which we're not supposed to know about. But we do, since the author hasn't figured out how to work her mind wipe machine. And considering that she has just added you in and is being decent to you, you're going to end up dieing after being tortured by someone you care about in a long, drawn out torture sequence."

"Wow, that was oddly specific and untainted by your accent Rogue," said Evan.

"Yeah, well, Ah've been readin' tha script more than usual."

"There's a script?" asked Remy.

"But why would they bring that up anyway?" asked Evan.

"Because we're stuck in a _running gag_, how many tahmes do Ah havta tell ya?"

"Um, okaaaay," said Evan, slowly inching away from Rogue.

"See, Evan, now we're _reallah_ in for it 'cause the author's overplayin' mah accent and she's done a number of bad jokes which will, at best, result in spit takes among her readers. So now we must mentallah prepare ourselves for the _real _shit."

"You scare me."

Rogue patted Evan's spiky shoulder. "Ah know, Ah know, we're all scared at first. Ya get used to the madness aftah a while, as long as you're not Scott or Jean," said Rogue, shaking her head sadly as she indicated the simpering messes that was Jott. Kitty and Kurt had finished breaking it to them, yep, that's right, they're the author's punch-bunnies in the sequel as well. Of course, they had told that to them at the _beginning_ of the story, but being the poor idiots that they are, it took them this long to figure it out. (Goddammit! I can't stop doing long sentences! -bangs head against the wall- That walls going to have SO many dents by the time I finish this fic.)

So, after that page-long bit of length-a.k.a.-stalling banter, they decided to start walking just then, even though Evan had suggested it at the beginning.

After about 15 or so minutes of walking, Sam heard something... strange, to put it nicely. "Hey," he said, "who's strangling a cat while a chicken's layin' an egg down here while a rabbit gives birth?" (I have been lucky enough to never experience two out of those three things, but listening to a rabbit squeal, oh god it's horrid.)

So anyway, after the X-men digested that curious statement (give 'em time, this is a show directed at 9-14 year olds, it's been dumbed down quite a bit), they realized they understood nothing of what Sam had just said. ". . ."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Alright, what's that awful sound then?"

Remy blinked. "It jus' somebody singin'. Don't anyone else understand it?"

". . ."

"Ve may as vell keep valking. Ve'll meet this arcane plot device vhen ve have to," said Kurt, as indicated by the accent. (Oh dear god, shoot me, just shoot me now! -sobs quietly-)

So they kept walking. As they got closer to "the arcane plot device", as Kurt, a.k.a., the evil and sadistic author, had put it, the noise got louder. And as it got louder, it became easier to pick out words among the tortured sobs and frightened screams.

It appeared to go something like this (if they had only heard it once they wouldn't be able to understand a word, and believe me, this song WILL make at least a moderate amount of sense to the plot. (I use "plot" extremely loosely.). At least, the first line will, anyway. But whoever was singing (ditto) was singing it over and over and _over_!

"Ooooh, this is a story 'bout a guy named Al

And he lived in a sewer with his hampster pal

But the sanitation workers didn't really approve

So he packed up his accordion and had to move

To a city in Ohio where he lived in a tree

And he worked in a nasal decongestant factory

And he played on the company bowling team

And every single night he had a strange recurring dream

Where he was wearing lederhosen in a vat of sour cream

But that's really not important to the story!

Well the very next year he met a dental hygenist

With a spatula tatooed on her arm

-on her arm-

But he didn't keep in touch

And he lost her number

Then he got himself a job on a tater tot farm

And he spent his life savings on a split-level cave

20 miles below the surface of the earth

-of the earth-

And he really makes a mighty fine jelly-bean and pickle sandwich

For what it's worth

-for what it's worth-

Then one day Al was in the forest

Tryin' to get a tan

When he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man

He was caught in a bear trap and Al set him free

And the guy that he rescued was grateful as could be

And it turns out he's a big-shot producer on tv

So he gives Al a contract and what do ya know,

Now he's got his very own Wierd Al sho-ooooooow!" (BTW, that song is officially titled "The Wierd Al Show Theme". Yes, my little chiclets, at one time Wierd Al had his own show. Thank God it's out of syndication. But the theme song is strangely addicting. I, thankfully, am too young to remember anything from it except Wierd Al in lederhosen in-you guessed it- a vat of sour cream. It's a rather striking image, really.)

So anyway, as they walked, not only did the words become recognizable but the voice did too. "Oh. Mah. Gawd," said Rogue as she turned a corner.

"What'sa matter, che-" began Remy before he too saw the horrible horrible sight spread before him.

"Logan?" Rogue whispered. "Is that you sugah?"

Yes, you poor tortured soul you, it was Logan. He was sitting there, right beneath an open manhole, sobbing loudly while singing the above mentioned verse. He was surrounded by several bottles of tequila and burboun, and held a guinea pig in his hands. It appeared to be dead. It itself was clutching a tiny bottle of burboun. Logan looked around wildly.. about a minute after Gambit spoke. "Whazzat?" he asked, clutching the guinea pig tighter. "Did you hear somethin' Rodna?"

"Oh mah Lord, Logan! What happened?" Rogue asked.

"I got smashed darlin', ain't that obvious?"

"Grrrrr...," muttered Remy.

"Yoah bein' pretty articulate shug, are ya feelin' alright?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine, but I'm not so sure 'bout poor Rodna. She hasn't been singing along," he said sadly. "I think she passed out."

"Um, Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I see, er, Rodna for a second?"

Logan glared at her and gathered Rodna to his chest. "No way," he slurred. "Rodna's my love, MINE!" There was a easily-recognizable snikt sound.

"Uh, okaaaay," said Rogue.

Remy tapped her on the shoulder. "Jus' back away slowly, _chere_, dat's what I do when de badger gets like dis."

"You mean you've seen him like this _before_?!?"

"We drinkin' buddies, 'member? He musta had a lot," said Remy, eyeing the dozen or so empty bottles of each formerly-mentioned-liquid.

"Let's get outta here befoah anyone else sees 'im, poor soul," said Rogue. "Guys, the next tunnel is caved in."

"But none of the tunnels-" protested Evan before having Rogue do her patented "glare-of-death" at him.

"It's CAVED IN."

"Yes miss boss lady," said Evan.

"Good boy. Ah suggest we give this up. We're not going to find our way to the Morlocks."

"Yeah but-" said Evan.

"We're NOT."

"Ok."

So, the X-men ended up extremely disappointed because not only did they not get to practice, even if they would have they didn't have any instruments, so ner.

(So that was that. I think it might've been longer then usual, but that's because I'm so happy with ETA, savvy? I love you guys on EE but you're NOT helping. Which is bad. Oh, and speaking of ETA, there will be more of Rodna! I leave you with this zany quote: "Release your hold and become one with the nougat sneeze."


	7. A plot for practice, or inside Remy's mi...

Disclaimer: Don't know, don't care. Ah the joy of teenage angsty shit.

(An: Yes, Logan, oh the joy of torturing Logan! And the joy of guinea pigs. Something completely off topic that has ta do with guinea pigs: My kindergarten class had a guinea pig, but our teacher left it behind over winter break and it froze to death. We all came back and were left to discover the corpse by ourselves. We were strange little children. -clears throat- Right. Ok, here comes my desperate ploy: Hey, EE'ers, what's the deal? I get three reviews and -poof- you're gone! The only reason this fic hasn't dried up and died is because ETA gave me a plot-extending idea! I know you're reading, since I am OMNIPENITENT AND ALL POWERFUL!! (is there an echo in here?) I-I mean since I'm the author of this fic and have the stats. Eh heh heh. As for ETA: Hmm, Rodna cheating with Rodney? That might just be a copyright infringement, but I'll get it in where I can.)

=THE NEXT DAY, THE INSTITUTE=

Rogue was P.O.'ed, to say the least. They had broken curfew all in the pursuit of something that would get them months of punishment duty if it got out, and they had gotten nothing out of it! Nothing! Well, except for the blackmail possibilities. But that wasn't what her rant was about today. Nope, it was about the fact that they had gotten lost, scarred for life, and confused in the pursuit of the X-band, but hadn't got anything done with the band.

She paced back and forth, ranting to Remy, who was sitting on her bed. (I'd show you what Remy was thinking at the time, but I'd havta censor it. Look back to the final chappy of the original and check Remy's thoughts and ye'll be on the right track. Now, here is where I'd have the Sue Anna "back and forth" line, but I don't wanna give Remy a fetish... do I?)

Ok, since I can't give Remy a fetish, I'll give you the Remy-ized rant.

What Rogue said: "Ah can't _believe_ that idiot Evan!"

What Remy heard: "Blah blah _blah_ blah blah Evan!"

Remy's reaction: _Who's Evan again?_

What Rogue said: "Where the heck are we supposed to practice now?!?"

What Remy heard: "Where the heck are we supposed to blah blah blah?!?"

Remy's reaction: _I hope that last bit wasn't somethin' important._

What Rogue said: "And Logan! What the hell was up with him? Did you SEE that guinea pig he was holding? What the -beep-?!?"

What Remy heard: "Blah Logan! Blah blah hell was up with blah? Blah blah SEE blah guinea pig blah blah blah? What the -beep-?!?"

Remy's reaction: _Did she just swear? I thought we weren't allowed to swear. I'll have t' look into dis. And what was with t'guinea pig bit?_

What Rogue said: "Where the heck are we supposed to practice now? . . . Remy? Remy?"

What Remy heard: "Blah blah heck blah blah supposed to blah now? . . . Remy? Remy?"

Remy's reaction: _Oh, I'm supposed to say something now?_

"What, _chere_?"

"Ah said, where are we supposed to practice now?"

"Oh, right. Er... maybe we could practice in de DR room?" Remy suggested.

"And just _how _do ya suggest we do that? Logan runs those sessions, and he hatest the band!"

"Well, _chere_, it go a little like dis..."

(What, you didn't _actually _think I'd let you in on the Cajun's nefarious plan?)

=A FEW HOURS LATER, A DR SESSION THAT JUST HAPPENED TO INCLUDE ALL THE BAND MEMBERS=

Rogue nudged Remy as they walked in. "This was a great idea shug. Anythin' go wrong with your group?"

"Dere was a bit of a fight over who would make de gumbo, yes, but after we managed to convice de _chat_ (An: for all you ppl out there, chat is French for cat, and cat would be Kitty. How clueless are you?) dat Cajun cookin' is best left t'Cajuns-"

"Ya threatened ta blow her up, didn't ya."

"Well, actually Remy threatened to blow up her stuffed dragon but same difference. Ot'er den dat, I t'ink it went well."

Rogue slapped him upside the head. "You're an idiot swamp rat."

"But I was de one who came up wit' dis plan!"

"You're still an idiot."

Remy sighed. "Ya live to torment me, don't ya?"

"Yep, bayou boy, learn ta live with it."

They all finished filing into the danger room (pretty big group, 'member) and lined up in front of the control.. thing. Logan was standing up there, and for some reason, he decided to crash through the window to land down in front of them. Perched on his shoulder was the still-dead-and/or-passed-out Rodna.

Remy looked around, and decided now was as good a time as ever. "NOW!" he yelled. There was a -bamf- and Kurt appeared holding a large tub of gumbo. Jamie smacked his chest and five more of him appeared. They grabbed the gumbo and picked it up. Bobby made an ice slide towards Logan while Pyro surrounded Logan with fire to keep him from moving. The Jamies put the big tub-o-gumbo on top. It slid down the ice. Pyro reluctantly put out his fires to let the gumbo (which by now was rather nasty, since it had been out all day and had lots of ingredients that tended to deteriorate with time) slide down onto Logan. Now, as I just mentioned, that stuff was smelling pretty rank by then, so Logan, with his super-senses, couldn't take it. He passed out. Kitty and Kurt bamfed up to the control room, where they changed two things: one, the standard DR session became a practice session for the band, replacing dangerous sharp things and laser beams with instruments, and two, all the holo-forms of any possible enemies became fuzzy pink bunnies, with a tie-in virus so if it was ever attempted to fix 'em, the system would crash. (Today on Tech talk!)

So now they had a place to practice and someone to torture. Oh the joy of evil plots.

=THE CONTINUING MISADVENTURES OF SUE ANNA AND HER TAGALONGS, A MINI SERIES=

Today's thing is set in a bomb shelter somewhere in Nevada.

Ha! Those idiots will never find me here!

There was a loud explosion and the door crumpled inward.

_Oh no._

There was another explosion and the door seemed to implode inward.

_Gottahidegottahide oh crap.Forgot I can't move by myself._

Finally, on the third explosion, the door just gave up and flew off its hinges.

**_"Hide and seek is just so much fun! Now it's our turn to hide! Count to fifty, my dear,"_** Must you even ask who was speaking?

How about I kill you instead?

"Hey! Close your eyes! That's cheating!"

_All the better to fry you with, my dears._

_**"We'll just turn you around then."**_

_God damn it! Why don't you understand?!? I hate you! I loathe you! I wish you didn't exist!_

Apocalypse ignored her protests and turned her to face the wall. **_"Count to fifty and then come find us!"_**

_I hate you._

And with that Apocalypse and Mesmero skipped, yes skipped, out of the bomb shelter.

(Ah, yes, I am aware of it's shortness and non-funniness but I'm tired. Had ta get a shot at friggin six a.m. SIX A.M.! As for the bit with Sue Anna at the end, shoud I continue it, or should I drop the subject and should we back away slowly on the count of three? I leave you with THIS zany quote: "Wish I were a gobblin, gobble gobble. Would be four star tavern if me hads me way, but as you can see, me don'ts. 'Hoosegow' ring bell?")


	8. The ballad of Logan and Rodna, or it suc...

Disclaimer: You know, I could insert anything here. It's not like anyone's reading it. I'm a vegetarian. I like Enya. I'd do yoga but I don't have the posture for it. So bloody sue me. Wait, that's prolly not the best comeback to put in a disclaimer, is it?

(An: Oh yep, it's time fer some good ole fashioned Jott torture. I've been putting it off too long. And of course some obligatory Logan madness. Only this time it's worse, soooo much worse then the last! Well, it'll get there, anyway. And this evil evil plot was sparked by ETA! Mwa-hahaha! And I promise, the next chapter will actually be related to the plot! There's a plot? Well, we learn something new every day, don't we, Mr. hat. As fer Clover: Ppl eating pizza? I have plans involving food, and pizza will work as well as anythin'! Pizza stuck in Jean's hair... oh that's a great image.)

=A WEEK LATER=

Scott was rather surprised to find Logan sitting in the kitchen, drinking. Well, he wasn't really surprised about the drinking part but more of the fact that he was doing it so blatantly. Usually he would wait until after everyone was asleep. He was surrounded by beer bottles. Lying in a corner was Kurt, mumbling words to a German drinking song. He too was surrounded by bottles. Scott gasped. "Kurt! Not you too!"

"Oh shut up," he slurred. "You know Scooter, I never really liked you. I went along with you 'cause yer zhe leader and I'm zhe loyal blue elf. It just zhe part I vas playing." Then Kurt blinked, appeared to forget that Scott was there, and started singing again.

"Really?" asked Scott, who was close to tears.

"Aaah shut up Scooter," mumbled Logan. "Can't ya see I'm mournin' here?"

"What are you talking about, Logan?" asked Scott, who was quite confused. He actually expected to get some answers out of Logan, and lo and behold, that's what he got!

The man looked disraught. Just then Scott noticed Rodna, his constant companion, wasn't on his shoulder anymore. He looked up at him then. His eyes were the eyes of a broken man. "First Scoot, tell me this: How did YOU feel when you found out Jean was cheatin' on ya with Duncan?"

"She's WHAT?!?"

"You mean you didn't know?!?" shrieked Kurt from the corner. He burst into hysterical, drunken laughter.

"Oh. Prob'ly shouldn'ta said that then."

"Why is that even RELEVANT?!?"

"Because Scooter.. Rodna's been cheatin' on me with that bastard, Rodney! He was in a movie once! I tried to tell her that I've been in two and there's the whole comic series centric on me, but NOOO, she doesn't want Hugh Jackman, she wants another guinea pig!!!" With that, he burst into hopeless tears.

"Uhhh..," said Scott, taking several steps backwards.

"Oh, you guys are no fun," said Kurt, grabbing the rest of the non-empty beer bottles and bamfing away.

=A LITTLE BIT LATER, ROGUE'S ROOM=

Rogue was bouncing around the room ecstatically, when she wasn't hugging Remy of course. Remy was very happy about this situation. All that bouncing... (What? That's not a fetish! If it is, all men are infected with it.) And of course the hugging was nice too.

"Isn't this AWESOME, Remy? We got a gig at the first legal mutant club in town!"

Remy blinked, coming out of his dazed state. "Yeah, _chere_, it great. Is dere alcohol?"

"Yep!"

"Den it's even better," he said, getting an evil glint in his eye.

"You scare me," said Kurt, who had just ported into the room.

"Augh!" shrieked Remy. "Now dat, _mon ami_, is somethin' I'm never goin' t'get used to. Is dat beer?"

"Yup!" said Kurt cheerfully.

Remy and Rogue both grinned. "Ok, scratch that, you **both terrify** me," said Kurt, releasing the beer with a shrug.

=A FEW HOURS AND QUITE A FEW MORE BEER BOTTLES LATER, THE DR=

Jean and Scott looked around themselves. "Hey," said Jean, "where's Logan?"

"He's in the kitchen, mourning some girl named 'Rodna'," replied Scott with a shrug.

"Well, if he's not here, then who's running the DR session?"

=THE CONTROL ROOM=

Up up up inside the control room Remy, Rogue, Kitty, and Kurt were laughing evilly while pressing various buttons. (Well, actually it was more drunken then evil, but hey, they were all smashed beyond belief. Give them a little credit.)

Hank, who was sitting in the corner, whimpered. Rogue had cornered him at glove-point and gotten him to explain how to do what they were doing.

"Shut up, you," said Rogue, knocking back another beer.

Hank nodded meekly. (Yes ppl, everyone's fav beast will be getting more then a passing mention in this, mwa-hahaha.)

"Good boy."

Down in the DR room, Jean and Scott squared themselves in fighting stances, as it was obvious that the session was beginning.

The room went fuzzy for a moment, and when it cleared, they were standing on a desert isle. (The kind surrouned by water, not the one in a supermarket.) They were shocked at what stepped out of the shadows. There were three kinds of.. things: Monkeys dressed like pirates, Barney and his affiliated associates, and _chupacabras_. (Ya'll are prolly wondering what the heck a _chupacabra _is. Well, basically it's a blue demon-type thing, with a large head, fangs, and bat wings. It's a Mexican thingy that eats goats, basically. But it also likes to munchy-munchy on humans.)

The _chupacabras_ sprang at them, the pirate monkeys pulled out swords, and the Barnies and other associated affiliates began to sing. Scott felt what was left of his poor tortured brain drain away. Since Jean didn't have a brain, she felt nothing.

Then Pyro walked in, leading an army of dancing koalas made of fire. "GOOOO, MY KOALA MINIONS! BURN BURN BURRRRRRN!"

The koalas sprang at Jott.

Pyro grinned and joined the group up in the control room. "Any o' that beer left mate?"

=STILL MORE OF THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF SUE ANNA AND HER VARIOUS TAGALONGS=

Today, we're reporting from South Africa!

Sue Anna sighed and stretched out the kinks in her green stick. _Finally! Gave those idiots the slip! Hide and seek, my arse! _She was lying on a deck chair by a pool in some obscure hotel.

There was a loud thump. She twitched. _Oh no._

On the other side of the door, Mesmero grinned. "This'll teach her for cheating on us!" he said cheerfully to Apocalypse.

Apocalypse nodded sagely.

Sue Anna was having a nice time ignoring the pessimistic thoughts in her head when she saw them. The ghosts.

Every Morlock that had died that day, that would be Callisto, Scaleface, Torpid, Cybelle, and Facade, were floating by her head. They began to whisper, "Doom on you. Doom on you. Doom on you.." Ect. ect. ect.

_AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!_

"Now she'll be nice and ripe for us sire!" said Mesmero.

_**"Oh goody!"**_

(Eh heh heh. -shrugs- So, I put some Jott torture in there. Wasn't all that much, but it was enough. Please, review! Feed my addiction! Feedback gives me life! It's much preferable to drinking your blood, non? ETA: Doesn't matter 'bout the suggestion thing. You've given me enough so I'm getting something of a plot for this! -gasps are heard- What? Lots of my stuff has a plot! ...I think, anyway.)


	9. The transition to KAREOKE, or why am I s...

Disclaimer: If I owned Marvel, Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom would run around in cupcake costumes (DON'T ASK) all day. Since they don't, well yeah.

(An: They're watching me.. always watching me.. you know who I'm talking about... the penguins! -runs off screaming- Um, right. But that's not the point! This is a transition chappy! Next chapter, the mutants will go to a kareoke bar for a gig and get smashed! And Remy will finally sing Iris! -several fangirls and Mayleen squeal and faint in the background- What more could you ask for? Hmm, maybe Remy singing Iris while nekkid and covered in whipped cream? Mmmm... -snaps out of Remy-induced trance- Um, eh heh heh, right. -shifty looks- Oops, looks like I forgot the zany quote for the last chapter! -gasp- So here it is, just a tad late: "Is that you, Auntie Em? I just had the strangest dream involving four-speed blenders." Ok, so before I embarass myself further, on with the chapter!)

=THAT SAME DAY AROUND 6 P.M.=

The mutants were all piled into the X-jet. How did they manage to do this without getting in trouble, you ask? Well, they were supposed to be doing a session with Hank, but well.. we'll get to that. 

They were strapped into various places around the jet. Since we have some spare time, let's visit some points of interest, shall we?

First, view the magnificent ice sculpture titled "Jott." Wait, that's not a sculpture, that's really them! No folks, no need to help them. This happens to them a lot. Apparently, Rogue zapped them and they landed in such a magnificent pose that Bobby felt it necessary to immortalize them. And he didn't want all that dead weight sliding along on the floor.

Next, observe (but don't step on) the dried vomit on the floor. You may find it disgusting, but it is a testament to riders long past, since nobody wants to clean it.

Third, notice the fact that Kurt is flying the jet with his feet.

Fourth, notice the curious number of people macking, or making out. Since the writer is a shipper with a large imagination, many are represented, such as Jubby, Kurtty, Romy (more on that in a moment) and whatever Sam/Rahne is called.

And finally, notice the poor shattered soul whimpering in the corner. His name is Hank, or so everyone believes. He is not sure. Why is he so upset? Well, he was supposed to be teaching a session today. What happened, you ask? Well, until five minutes ago, everything was normal. That is, until Rogue acquired a canister of whipped cream. Then, something strange happened (the forensics team is still trying to sort it out) and now everyone's favorite "Beast of Bayville" is now in the corner, covered in shaving cream. What's not covered in shaving cream is strangely devoid of blue hair. He is also tied up, and dressed only in the black Speedos that pass for his uniform. He is also whimpering, and whispering to himself about.. uh it appears to be something like "Oh god oh god the penguins ate Shakespeare, alas poor Yorick.." Wait, wait, he appears to becoming agitated.

-author starts narrating in an Aussie accent- Let's approach him, shall we? Oh, keep back folks, this guy's got fangs the size of my pinky! Uh-oh, this one's a fighter! Wait, it looks like he's going to say something! -Hank runs up and grabs the screen- "Oh my god the penguins will eat us AAAAALLL!" Oh, he looks like he's calming down! Now we can subdue him with a- wait.. what?

Ok, since I don't want to get lost in an elaborate fantasy again, we're switching to normal narrative.

Remember when I said we'd get back to Romy? Well, now's the time my chiclets. Rogue had the previously mentioned canister of whipped cream and was absently sucking some off her fingers while staring out the window. Remy was staring at her fingers, transfixed. He stared at her face. "Will you marry me?"

Rogue snapped out of her reverie to give Remy a strange look. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Ok, then how about some hot sex?"

"I hate you," said Rogue, since she was perplexed and had no other comebacks ready. (-In the background, a large red light goes off and a purple platypus with a horn for a beak runs around yelling "COMIC JOKE COMIC JOKE! RUN FOR THE HILLS! THE AUTHOR'S DRAWING ON COMIC JOKES!"- -author throws a large wad of gum at it, shutting it up- Ok, ok, I admit it! That joke was used in the comics by Remy! So sue me! Ya don't havta be so dramatic! -grumbles to herself- Oh, and if you need help picturing said platypus, picture the honking ducks from the cartoon version of Alice in Wonderland.)

"I hate my life," said Remy to no-one in particular. "I'm doomed to spend the rest of my life chasing an untouchable girl, doomed to millions of fanfics dedicated to said chase, doomed to stupid jokes and bad pick-up lines, doomed to be this authors favorite basement-bunny!" And with that he began to bang his head against the side of the jet. (Aaaw, poor Remy. I almost feel sorry for the swamp rat. The key word there is "Almost". -speaks louder- He's too good with whipped cream to make that pitiful attempt allow me to let him out of of my basement, ya hear that?) Remy sighed and started to bang his head harder. "_Merde._"

Rogue patted his back. "It's ok Rem. Ya get used to being the author's favorite character and pairing aftah a while. I mean, look at Kurt. He's all but completely healed from the affects of being in 'Tree Girl.'"

Up in the front of the jet, Kurt twitched. "Please don't remind me of that. It's bad enough having nightmares about it, and then having people bring it up in the day!" He twitched, and the jet went into a downward spiral. "Eh heh, oops," said Kurt, fixing it. "See what that does to me?!?"

"You should really get that tic under your eye looked at Kurt," said Kitty.

"It doesn't matter anyway, we're here!" said Jamie exitedly, pointing out the window.

They landed on the roof. Strangely enough, no one took any notice of this.

(If any of you didn't get that whole "Kurt being mentally scarred over starring in some fic called 'Tree girl'," it was an OC story. -facepalms- It's crap. If you want an idea of just how much crap it is, go read it. Just don't make me pay the psychiatry bills, savvy? Kurt was a major char, him being my obsession and all. Well, my biggest one anyway. As fer you FF-Net'ers, I didn't post it here. Be glad of it. Anyway, sorry that was so short but the 'rents are limiting my 'net time for the time being. -shrugs- And I leave you, my faithful readers (and hopefully reviewers), with this quote: "I don't know what's scarier: That that actually worked, or that you carry around a pigeon puppet.")


	10. Kareoke and drunken madness, or finally,...

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, Remy, or Iris, but the image of Remy singing Iris is mine, all mine I tell you!

(An: I have no idea what was up with the penguin thing in the last chapter. Don't ask. Was that chapter not hilarious? I don't know.. I just found it odd.. -shrugs- But then, there's no accounting for taste. Perhaps I should write more of my chappies at 10 p.m... it seems to work. -shrugs again- Whatever...)

The members of the X-band (minus Jott, who had yet to melt) piled out of the jet and headed into "Haven", which was the mutant club where they were doing a gig.

So they set up, did their thing to much applause, blah blah blah.

You all aren't interested in that, probably, but before I can get to the _real_ stuff, something you all might find interesting.

As the band was setting up, a scuzzy announcer-type dude came on stage. A very familiar scuzzy announcer-type dude. The same scuzzy announcer-type dude that had done his scuzzy thing and denied them the fruits of their labor. (In other words, this was the scuzzy announcer dude that was at the BOB and had denied them a record deal, savvy now?)

As soon as she saw him, Rogue growled loudly. Realizing who she was growling at, Remy and Kitty grabbed her arms, effectively restraining her. "Come on, can't Ah at least drain tha idiot?!"

"Like, no way Rogue! Do you actually, like, want to talk like him?!"

Rogue blinked and stopped struggling. "Good point," she muttered.

So other then that, the whole "band" thing went off without a hitch.

But you guys aren't interested in that, now are you.

So, after the roaring sucess of their band, Jamie came up and started doing requests. (Dj here, ppl, remember?)

While he was up there enjoying his newfound spot in the lime-light, the others were either dancing, or as in the case of the senior X-men (that would be Rogue, Remy, Kurt, Kitty, Pyro and Beast, who still wasn't over the penguin thing) were all getting smashed at the bar.

=ABOUT THREE HOURS AND TWENTY BOTTLES OF ASSORTED LIQUOR LATER=

Everyone involved was now drunk beyond all reason.

Hank downed a shot of vodka, grabbed Remy's trench coat, and started to strip-dance on the bar.

Needless to say, everyone found a different place to sit once he started doing that.

Somewhere in the middle of it all, Logan had showed up. He hadn't appeared to recognize any of them. In fact, after three JD's he was slurring the words to German and French drinking songs.

Kitty was giggling drunkenly and gossiping with Rogue.

And that was when Jamie finished up, and the scuzzy announcer dude came up and announced that there was going to be kareoke for the rest of the night.

Remy blinked. He suddenly had the strangest urge to go up there and sing "Iris," by the Goo goo Dolls, a song he had never even heard of until just now. But that was stupid! (-author uses her magical elfin stuff to compel him, and shouts "Do it! The magic of authors long-sacrificed compels you!"-)

He downed another shot of burboun. _Ok, why not?_

He went up there and started belting the words. Just be glad I still haven't figured out how to insert sound clips into this yet. It wasn't pretty. (What? I just said he would sing it! I never said I would make a big deal of it!)

Logan blinked and began to sob loudly.

Kurt looked at him. For the second time that day, he was quite drunk. "Whatssa matter with you?"

"That song always reminds me o' Rodna!"

Kurt patted him on the back. "It's ok, it's ok, what's got you in such a tizzy about zhat pig anyway?"

"She wasn't just a pig to me, do you hear me??? _She wasn't just a pig to me!!!_" He began to sob louder and harder.

Kurt scooted his chair away and promptly lost interest. He then went back to watching the people kareoke-uh-ing. (Well, do _YOU _know the verb form of kareoke???)

Kitty turned to Logan. "Ah, poor Mr. Logan, it's not _that _bad," she said, patting him on the back.

"Get away from me, you friggin' midget," he said.

Kitty squeaked and did as she was told.

And that was when Hank returned. Remy's trench coat was covered in chocolate, and he had bills of various worth stuffed down his speedos. "Ah, my comrades in arms!"

Everyone stopped whatever they were doing to stare at Hank. ". . ."

"Whoah..," said Kitty.

"Mah sentiments exactlah," said Rogue.

Hank looked at Logan, who had gone back to sobbing. "What's wrong, my friend?"

"Oh it's nothing. I've just had my heart ripped out, is all!" he said, showing a note to Hank.

"Dear Logan," read the note, "I hope you're well. I'm eloping with Rodney. Kisses! Rodna."

And with that Logan passed out.

=ANOTHER HOUR LATER=

Now just about everyone was passed out.

Remy had attempted to kiss Rogue, and thanks to "Dark Horizons," we all know what happens when someone does that.

Kurt and Hank had done a "Blue Fetish" strip-tease, earned about a hundred bucks, and then passed out from too much Vodka and beer.

Kitty had gotten engaged to a street post named Marvin, and was currently passed out in his arms. (-snickers at ETA-)

Logan was a broken man. He was leaning against the wall. His healing factor refused to let him just stay drunk, so now he was acting like Hugh Jackman in X-2, except now he was muttering sporadically about penguins, guinea pigs, Eddie Murphy, and something else that made him burst into tears whenever he mentioned it.

Rogue was watching kareoke, a dazed, dreamy expression on her face. As to what she was thinking about, I'd have to censor it, thank you very much.

As for Pyro, well that's what next chapters are for!

(Sooooo, yeah. Next chapter: The obligatory "Pyro goes nuts" chapter. Now all I havta do is track down my supply of MD and salted peanuts... -insert evil laughter-)


	11. Pyro's Penguin Plot or what the beep?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing naturally exludes Marvel and The Fairly OddParents.

(An: Wow, I'm being such a -busy- little Skysong! Well, technically I wrote the transition chappy last night, but you guys don't need to know that. Right. This chapter is the obligatory "Pyro-goes-crazy-and-does-something-strange" chappy. I can't claim the nefarious plot of the cockroaches; however the penguin thing is mine. Ya want it? It kind of scares me. ETA: Oh that's bloody hilarious mate. Do I know you? 'Cause my friends and I always discuss stuff like that while under the influence of sugar and insomnia... My best friend Shel-ness, for example. Her life's goal is to go cow-tipping before she's fifty. What is cow-tipping, you ask? Well, cows have this habit of falling asleep while standing up. If you give them a gentle push, they'll fall over, legs stuck out and everything. Bloody hilarious when you're drunk, and snicker-worthy when you're not. Wait.. you live in New Orleans??? Well, there goes that. -mutters to herself about ppl getting to see Mardi Gras- (I've kind of been obsessed with going there ever since me mate Rachel divulged that she went once. -sighs- I want to earn my beads, meh heh heh heh...) Oh yes, and next chapter will have an extra-long thing with Sue Anna and the professor, and a bit of Evan-bashing as well! Di: I got an idea from someone on EE! Kewl! (and I've never taken a french class in my life, so sue me) Oh, oh I love it! Cameos! More on that later.. y'know I was actually planning to do that for the sequel to Space Toast.. but I need something to tide me over to the twenty chapter mark, and that'll work!)

So Pyro, everyone's favorite Aussie, had discovered the long-awaited "Fire downtown." _Oh boy oh boy firefirefire burnburnBUUUURN!!!_

He bounced around while changing into his uniform. Don't ask how he can do that; this is drunk Pyro on a fire high, remember?

So he was running and running and running and was just about to start manipulating the fire... when it went out. _Aaaw, man!_ Then he remembered the lighter in his pocket. i _We'll be having a hot time tonight, yup yup!_ He was just about to start flaming the place when a voice by his ankle stopped him.

"Hey you! Burny guy!"

"The name's Pyro mate.. where are ya, anyway?"

"Down here," said the voice. It sounded.. vaguely Spanish or Mexican or something of the sort. Pyro looked down. Sitting on his shoe was a little frog with a bridle. But that wasn't the strange thing. Riding the frog like a horse was a cockroach in a sombrero and a loincloth. Apparently, it was what had spoken. Pyro bent, and picked up the frog. "Hey! Be careful with this! I still have fifty co-pays on it!" (The whole cockroach idea was inspired by that ep of FOP where Wanda goes on hols and cockroaches take over the world.. somewhere there's Martians and frogs as well.. I don't own it, but the twist is all mine. And anyway, imitation is the highest form of flattery!)

"Uh, sorry mate.." It never once occured to Pyro that it might be strange to talk to a cockroach. "What do you want?"

"TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!"

"Oh, well that's well enough. But why are you talking to me?"

"I have a deal to offer you. As you can see, although my brethren are many, we are quite small. We have located a device that would allow us to endow penguins with the power of speech and to be able to burn stuff, but we need someone like-minded to activate it. We'll give you Canada!"

"Uh.. can I have Australia and the world's supply of flame-throwers too?"

"Done and done," said the cockroach cheerfully.

"One last thing mate, what's your name?"

"Apocalypse."

"I always thought Apocalypse spoke in bold.."

"Well, I don't have the vocal capacity in this body, see, and- but that's not the point! Mesmero!"

Another cockroach riding a smaller frog. "Yes, MY LORD AND MASTER?"

"Hey, how come he can speak in caps lock and you as the stronger dude can't?"

"Uhhh... shut up that's why! Anyway, Mesmero, lead this man to our doomsday device!"

"You mean Sue-"

"DO NOT MENTION THAT NAME IN MY PRESENCE! And I mean the _other _doomsday device, the penguin one!"

"Oh. Follow me, slave-who's-not-brainwashed!" And Mesmero!cockroach hopped off. (As for how Mesmero and Apocalypse got turned into cockroaches, that'll all be explained in the next chapter.)

=A FEW MINUTES LATER, APOCALYPSE!COCKROACH'S SECRET CLOSET LAIR=

"It's kind of cramped in here mate," said Pyro as he attempted to squeeze into the closet. It was made even harder by the dozens of cockroaches swarming around his feet that he had to avoid stepping on. Pyro didn't think that Apocaroach would take nicely to having his army wiped out in a single step.

And then of course there was the gigantic backpack-flamethrower-esque thing in the middle of the room.

"What's that?" asked Pyro, narrowly missing tripping and squashing Apocaroach.

"That is the device!" he squeaked, waving his little cockroachey hands around.

"Oh... how does it work?"

"Strap it on your back, point the nozzle at the penguin and-"

"And it sets them on fire?!" said Pyro with an evil evil grin.

"No," said Apocaroach patiently, "it allows the penguins to talk and you can control them. They can also burn things."

"Oh."

A few minutes later Apocaroach was still waiting. "Well?"

"Oh, uh right." Pyro snapped out of his trance and put the doomsday device on his back. Despite its size and bulk, it weighed only about as much as an empty backpack.

"What are you waiting for?! Go recruit those penguins! Once you have done that, we will join you! Come my frog-riding brethren! TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION AWAITS!!!" And Apocaroach and his diminutive army hopped off.

"Um, ok, whatever mate," said Pyro with a shrug. He walked out of the closet.

He headed for the zoo, straight to the penguin exhibit. He made a little fire blast and melted the glass on their underwater viewing thingy. The penguins spilled out. All in all, there was about twenty of them. He shrugged again and pressed the button on the device. There was an explosion and a flash of light, and suddenly, Pyro felt much shorter. And.. fluffy? He blinked and held his hand.. flipper in front of his face. "Bloody hell!" He was a penguin. But he was a penguin with a lighter! And an army of like-minded penguin people. "Come my penguin mates!" he yelled.. er squawked. "Our time is now!"

=A FEW MINUTES LATER, DOWNTOWN BAYVILLE, OUTSIDE CITY HALL=

At city hall, Pyro was adjusting to being a penguin. It wasn't all that different really, besides the whole hight difference and lack of opposable thumbs or indeed, any fingers at all. And of course there was the almost irresistable urge to to tapdance, for some strange reason. As it turned out, the penguins (and now Pyro) could blast fire from their flippers. _This is so bloody cool!_

"Now my fellow penguins-in-arms," squawked Pyro, "all we must do is wait for the arrival of Apocaroach and his minions, and we may begin!"

"What do we do while we wait?" asked General Pengy. He had red eyes, and therefore Pyro had made him the General, and himself Supreme Dictator Penguin.

"What else? We **tap dance** of course, my friend!" The General gave him the equivalent of a penguin grin, and the group all pulled out little hats and set them on their little penguiny heads, and took out canes and began to tap.. er more waddle then dance. It was very interesting, watching penguins doing such intricate tap routines.

=FAR AWAY, MUTANT MANOR=

Scott rushed into the common room, half dressed in his X-men uniform. "Guys guys guys!!!"

"What is it Scott?" asked Rogue, not looking up from her book.

"There's an army of fiery tapdancing penguins trying to take over city hall! And there's reinforcements! Cockroach reinforcements!!!"

The mutant group looked up. There was a group blink, and then.. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!"

"But I'm serious!!!"

"Reallah Scott," said Rogue between bursts of laughter. "And let me guess, the cockroaches are riding frogs?" She collapsed, still laughing.

"Like, yeah, and their leader is, like, Apocalypse!" gasped Kitty.

Scott blinked, open-mouthed. "How did you know?!" The laughter stopped.

"You can't be serious.. right?" asked Rogue.

"I AM!!! The professor said!"

The group exchanged shrugs. "Well, it's not lahke there's anythin' bettah to do," said Rogue and went off to change.

=ABOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER, CITY HALL=

The penguins were still doing their routine, as the cockroaches had yet to arrive. I mean come on, they're riding frogs. Give them _some_ credit.

And that was when the X-men showed up. Pyro stopped mid-waddle and blinked. "Hello mates!" he said, since he had somehow magically retained the power of speech. (Ahhh, the power of cheese. Uh, I mean, speech. Yeah. -shifty looks-) He gave them a little penguin wave. (The word penguin is just so much fun to type! Yup yup! And no, I have no idea of why I'm on such a penguin kick... my brain is a strange strange mess of neurons and electrical pulses my friends.)

The X-men (who had been doing their confident march to stop them) stopped abruptly. ". . ."

"Pyro?" asked Scott. "Is that you?"

Pyro!penguin nodded. "Yep! It's me alright! And this is General Pengy!"

The penguin with red eyes nodded at them. "Yo."

"Ok, does anyone else find this at all strange?" asked Rogue. "Ah mean, we're talkin' to a penguin. A _penguin_." 

Pyro shrugged. "Who cares? I talk to squirrels all the time!"

Rogue nodded. "Exactly mah point."

Pyguin blinked. "Huh?"

"Well, anyway, you guys weren't planning some kind of hostile takeover, were you?" asked Scott.

"HE'S ONTO US!! BLAST HIM!!!" shouted General Pengy. The penguins sent deadly blasts of firey stuff at Scott and incidentally, Jean. They both got fried. Well done, but not burnt to a crisp, unfortunately.

Pyguin sighed and slapped his forehead. "What have I told you about preemptive orders mate?"

"Nothing. I've only been working for you for a half an hour, and fifteen minutes was tapdancing."

"Good point. And as for the hostile takeover thing, we weren't." He pointed at the oncoming wave of frog-riding cockroaches.

Now, I'm not entirely sure what happened next, so I'll check a newspaper. -pulls out a newspaper- According to this, the cockroaches triumphed, the X-men died in a fiery penguiny explosion, and Apocaroach became the leader of the free world (and several third-world countries) within the day.

That can't be right! -blinks- Oh, This is the New York Times. That explains a lot. -grabs The Bayville Star- According to _this_ the cockroaches (minus Apocaroach and Mesmeroach) were squashed and the penguins (minus Pyguin and General Pengy) were put back in the zoo, in a non-flammable cage this time. They now do tap routines every hour, on the hour, if you're interested.

(Meh heh heh heh! So that was Pyro's nefarious penguin plot! Ok, and now something interesting: Cameos! If you would like yourself or an OC to appear in this story as a fairly main char, I will take it! For example: I will be in it, as well as my friend Kitty and my OC Jazz. I will take up to three per person. Email me the basic info: personality, powers, love interest (anyone but Remy or Rogue, savvy?) and they will be put in the next and future chapters! I don't know how they'll fit in the plot, but they will add up for madness and story-extension!)


	12. Cooking with Magneto, or all of a sudden...

Disclaimer: The day I own Marvel is the day penguins take over the world...

(An: Sorry for the lateness.. other projects have sucked me in and distracted me. (can you say glitter?) Next chapter will be the debut of the OC's so if you wanna be in it you'd better get movin'. So um this is a stalling chapter, completely inspired by ETA... Speaking of ETA: You've been on a waffle kick, I've been on a penguin kick, things even out. )

=WHILE ALL THIS WAS GOING ON, THE INSTITUTE=

Charles Xavier answered the door. "Ah, Magnus," he said.

"Yeah, yeah, did you get it?"

Charles held up a tape triumphantly. "Yep, it's all right here. The most adult movie ever.. Pokemon!"

"COOL! Uh, I mean.. that will be good."

"Follow me, Magnus. I'll show you where I hide the vodka. Can't be too careful, what with Remy and Logan around."

=A FEW HOURS LATER=

By now Magnus and Charles were quite drunk. "No no, check this out!" Magnus shouted, laughing hysterically. "I am the master of magnetism! Are you not amazed?!" He twiddled his fingers.

Charles began laughing harder. "Wait, wait, what about this one!" He steepled his fingers and deadpanned. "Yes, I really DO care about you. And yes, Rogue, one day you WILL be able to control your powers!" He collapsed in a fit of laughter.

=WHILE **THIS** WAS ALL GOING ON, THE SEWERS=

Evan happily skateboarded along. He was still lost and had yet to realize that the heaps of ash in the lair were his friends and comrades.

Just then his skateboard ran over the tail of Caliban's alligator. "OW!" it shouted, before spotting Evan. "Oh, Evan, my dear, it's only you!"

"AUGH!" Evan screamed and skateboarded for his life. "STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU SPINY FREAK!"

The alligator ran after him, calling, "Wait for me my dear!"

=A FEW HOURS LATER=

The alligator had finally caught Evan. Evan was now tied to a chair, being force-fed blueberry waffles by the alligator, who was named Jam master 'Gatah, if you wanted to know. (Jem for short.)

The blueberry waffles were being mass-made by Rodney and Rodna, who had decided to save time and elope here. Their dozens of little children were running around with the whipped cream and syrup, ferrying them to Jem.

"But I _told_ you, I'm allergic to blueberries!" shouted Evan desperately.

"Nonsense!" replied Jem. "No one can resist my blueberry goodness!"

Evan screamed, but was cut off by the three dozen waffles Jem stuck in his big open mouth. He broke out in hives. "No! No! Girls give me the HIVES!" he shrieked.

"But I thought you were allergic to _blueberries_," said Rodna, pausing in her waffle-making.

A whip appeared out of nowhere and Jem flicked it at Rodna. "SILENCE LACKEY!"

=THE NEXT MORNING, THE INSTITUTE=

Charles groaned. He had one helluva hangover. "GOOD MORNING CHUCKIE!" shouted Magnus, sticking his face very close to Charles's. "I made WAFFLES!" He shoved a forkful of them into his mouth. "They're blueberry!"

"AUGH!" screamed Charles, although it came out more like "MMAUAGH!" since he had the waffles in his mouth.

Magnus wiped some waffle off his face. "Jeez, Chuck, say it, don't spray it!" he said. His watch beeped. "Oops, I've got tea time with Sabertooth now, got to go!" And he floated himself out the window.

=SOMEWHERE WITH A BEACH=

Sue Anna laughed to herself. _Finally, free of those idiots! That cockroach ray was a real stroke of genius! _

Just then there was a popping sound from behind her. _No. No. It's impossible!_

Standing there was Apocaroach and Mesmeroach, waving frantically from their sinking frog-boat. "SUE ANNA SUE ANNA!" they were both shouting. "Save us Sue Anna!"

Just then a waiter handed Sue Anna a margerita. _Well, how about that. Dinner and a show. _

(Yes, short, I know, but the next chapter will be much longer, I promise. There'll be bios, and some comedic stuff. Hey ETA, I've just about used up your ideas now.. some more would be nice. -hint hint-)


	13. The debut of the selfinserts, or I'm goi...

Disclaimer: I made a list of things I own. Here it is. "My cats, my laptop, my cds, and my books." Is Marvel on that list? I think not.

(An: I keep forgetting the zany quotes! So, here is one of my favorites! It's extra long. "But- buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know- the one with all the horror." "I think I saw that one. With all the words going up at the end?" "Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, the words kinda ruined it for me." "Don't worry buddy. There are no words in this movie." "You know, it's much more real than a movie when it's real." (At the end of this story, I'll state where I got this stuff.) Ok, here are a list of the ppl who are being added: Alistor, Daphine and Di, Sam and ETA, and myself, Kitty, and Jazz. (FMI, see "Space Toast.") Bobtheheadlesschicken: Uh, I kind of need more info on Ky before I can put her in since I don't feel like rooting through stories... Just email me info on her. ETA: Ooooh I wanna use that! -cries- But how the heck am I supposed to fit that in without completely changing the pretense of this story? Well.. then again there's not much pretense to this anway.. no plot either...Okaay, bios!

Alistor Smith, a.k.a. Onix: Mayleen's coolie-oolies OC. Carefree prankster... who is wrecking my house since he found my secret stash of Md. -evil laughter is heard in the background- But anyway, he can cover himself in black crystal, use some kind of white energy, ect, ect. How do you put up with this K.T.?

Daphine, a.k.a. Diamond: Di's coolie-oolies OC. Remy's cousin, who is torturing my minis right now.. I can't stop her.. she kind of scares me. She can create diamond.. innit her codename original? No but really, she's cool.

Di: That would be Diamond, the author, a.k.a. Alie.. I don't think she has powers... at least she's not running around my house like the rest. She's from England and speaks French a lot.. wierd non?

Samantha McLean a.k.a. Devilchyld: ETA's coolie-oolies OC. Total goth, who has used her powers of romantic ensnarement and tp to make every single bloke in Neillsville do her bidding.

EvilTwinAlix, A.k.a. Alixandra: . . .She wouldn't tell me anythin' about herself.. so I'm completely making it up based on her bio and stories. Um.. her twin sister is Heartyshawk and she likes Evenescansce.

M.A., a.k.a. Skysong: Why would you want to know about me? I'm the author of this fic, and I wear a hat and two necklaces constantly. That's about it. Powers? I have hypnotized you all into believing this isn't crap.. ain't that enough? Just check out my bio you prat.

Kitty: My bestest friend in the whole wide world.. love ya girl! waves Uh... she doesn't have any powers except the amazing ability to never give me a straight answer. Technically her name is Katie, but I can't shake the habit of calling her Kitty.

Jazz: -gasp- MY oc! As if it wasn't bad enough she was in Space Toast.. -Jazz taps her foot angrily in the background- She's my fanfiction muse and the bane of my existence since she never shuts up.. her powers are TP and TK and she has wings and tail too.. As if it wasn't bad enough she already lives in my head, now she can actually wreck my stuff instead of just threatening to.

The OC's are kind of going crazy... I don't think they like the minis... or my fanfictions... or maybe they just miss their creators, I don't know. I will take more as long as I don't go insane first.

Ok, so on with the chappy!)

Now, ordinarily the X-band members would have gotten into lots of trouble for getting drunk and coming home so late but there was a little thing that kind of messed up that and distracted the professor.

Just as the X-men returned home there was a loud bang, a flash of light, and a thud. The group quickly ran out to see what it was.

Piled on the front lawn was a group of people. The one on top flapped her wings and got up. "CRAP!" she shouted to the sky.

"You can say that again," said a girl wearing a bucket hat. She shoved up her glasses and stood up, then helped up the other people.

One of them, a young woman with silver hair, blinked. "Where de heck am I?"

"Wouldn't we all like to know," muttered hat-girl. The brunette next to her tapped her on the shoulder.

"M.A.," she said, "We're not in Neillsville anymore, are we?"

"Got dat wight, wabbit," she said, looking around. She stopped dead on the X-men. "Oh my bloody god..."

"Nice language," said the girl.. yes, yet another girl. She did a double take at the three OC's she recognized. "That's Alistor.. and Jazz.. and my Daphine!"

The silver-haired girl glanced over at her. "Who you callin' 'mine'? Dis Cajun's her own woman!"

Hat girl (that would be me) blinked. "Omg.. Di?!"

"Huh?"

"It's me, Skysong!"

'Nother double take moment. ". . ."

The girl behind M.A. poked her. "Uh, M.A., who are they?" she asked, pointing at the knot of speechless X-men.

"That's the X-men Kitkat, weren't you paying ANY attention to my explanations?"

". . .No.. was I supposed to?" M.A. smacked Kitty upside the head.

"That was the point! I was explaining it so you wouldn't be totally lost when I showed you my serious FF!"

". . .There's such a thing?" asked Di.. er, Alie.

M.A. gave an annoyed sniff. "You should know.. since you appear to be the only one who reads them."

The unnamed OC looked around. ". . .Am I at the Institute? Who are you people?" she asked, blinking. Another girl, yes another one, was standing behind her, staring and gasping like a beached fish. (I feel like such a prat ETA.. I just figured out that Sam is from "New Beginnings." Aren't I smart?)

"We could ask you the same question.. Di, do you recognize her? You get around a lot."

Alie shrugged. "Nope, never heard of her."

Daphine, Alistor, Sam, and Jazz blinked at the X-men. They glanced at each other and shrugged, and then walked over to them. (Now, using my magical author powers, the OC's will be recognized!)

"Hey Remy!" Daphine shouted waving at him.

Remy paled.

Rogue gave him a suspicious look. "And she would be...?" (I didn't say they'd be recognized by everyone) She glared at Remy and walked over to Alistor.

"She's my cousin! MY COUSIN!" he shouted desperately. He sighed and began talking in French with Daph.

Kurt and Jazz were busily scheming off by themselves.

Sam was waving her arms around as she talked with Tabby.

The four.. I hesitate to say normal humans stood there, watching.

M.A. was muttering to herself. "There's Rogue.. and Kurt, and there's Remy!" She grabbed Alie's hand. "Come on Di, let's go stalk 'im!"

Kitty hung back, looking confused. "Uh... M.A.?" she asked, blinking. (Kitty's never seen XME.. she only knows what I've shown her from fanficcery.)

Alie and M.A. paused in their interrogation of Remy. "Oops, sorry Kitkat. Y'know, if you'd just _listened_ to me for once, we wouldn't need to do this." She walked over and began to attempt, once again, to explain things to her friend.

That was when the professor came out. "Ah my X-men, there you..are?" He blinked and rubbed his eyes. "Goddamned hangover.. I must be seeing things."

"Hi professor!" said Alistor and Jazz in unison.

"Oh my..." said the professor. "I think you all should come with me."

=A FEW MINUTES LATER, THE PROFESSOR'S STUDY=

"Ok, now, you new people, introduce yourselves, _one at a TIME_!"

They shrugged at each other and shoved Jazz forward. "I'm Jazz," she dragged M.A. into view, "and this is my.. creator I think, who goes by the letters M.A."

M.A. blinked. "Hiya. This is Kitty," she said, indicating her friend.

"Hola," she said, waving a little and looking dazed. M.A. sighed and muttered, "well, third times the charm," and went into the corner with her.

The only boy stepped forward. "The name's Alistor. What's it to ya?"

Daphine paused in her interrogation of Remy to speak in English for once. "'M Daphine. When did Remy become an X-geek?"

Remy slapped his forehead and said something in French to her. Daphine blinked and her eyes widened. She dragged Remy out. There was the sounds of loud, _loud_ yelling outside. Rogue winced.

Alie stepped forward. "Uh I'm Alie and I kind of created Daphine... that's really rather creepy," she said, and stepped back.

The unnamed OC and the girl who was probably her creator considering the amazed glances she was giving her stepped forward. "I'm Sam and this.. wierd freak-type person is Alix.. I don't think she can talk." She edged away from the girl.

M.A. blinked. "..Wait, Remy's with the X-men? And Piotr and John too?"

Every X-person in the room gave her "duh" kind of looks.

"...And was and/or is there a X-band?"

"How did yah know?" asked Rogue suspiciously.

Alie, Alix, and M.A. all looked at each other. "Uh-oh..." said M.A. "This can't be good."

Kitty blinked. "I'm not going to understand this.. am I?"

"Remember the story with Mr. 'Hey you, with the donut?' We just might be in it... I say might because there's still a chance that I might be sane. At least.. I hope."

"You're kidding.."

"Ok, what tha heck are ya talkin' about?" snapped Rogue. She had a hangover and it was not helping her mood.

"A room full of irate X-men.. my incentive to explain what I'm talking about would be..?"

"Dis, _petite_" said Gambit, who had just returned thankfully intact from his cousin's blowup. He was now holding several charged cards by M.A.'s head which were also an impending blowup. He also had a hangover, and being yelled at by his cousin at almost ear-shattering levels had not helped either.

"Crap. Ok, here it is and I'm not going to repeat it so take notes or deal: See-in-my-world-X-men-is-just-a-show-that's-been-cancelled-and-few-people-are-satisfied-by-that-so-we-write-fanfiction-and-I-usually-write-humor-and-the-most-popular-one-was-the-X-band-and-it-appears-that-we've-been-sucked-into-it-'the author the demon and the X-men'-esque." She said this all very fast, leaving just about everyone except for Kitty and the professor utterly confused. Kitty because she was used to M.A.'s "unique" way of talking and the professor because he knows everything.

"So basically what you are saying is that this is an alternate universe created by your fanfiction?"

"Pretty much.. yeah.. is there somewhere I can hide now?" she squeaked, huddling into a ball as the X-men digested her info and began to glare and inch towards her. "EEP!" She held up her hands. "IswearthatwhenIstartedititwasjustajokeandIreallyamsorrydidImentionthat?? Why didn't I just quit while I was aheaaaaad!" She ran off in search of somewhere to hide.

Kitty sighed. "Please excuse my friend, she tends to-" she stopped as the X-men ran out after her. "-overreact."

The remaining people in the room (the OC's, Di, Alix, and the professor) glanced at her. She blinked. "Uh, hi, yeah, I think I'll just go scrape her off wherever they've splatted her.. adios!" She ducked out, grinning nervously.

Alix blinked. "Who is she anyway? I kind of know M.A., but her friend confuses me."

"She mentioned her once," said Alie, surprising everyone since she'd been so quiet. "In some story of hers.. Space Toast, I think."

=ABOUT TEN MINUTES LATER=

Jazz glanced down the hallway. There were several frightened yells and an explosion. "Should we go see?" she asked, shifting from foot to foot.

"She's yoah creator, y'go look," said Daphine.

Jazz shrugged. "Fine, you bloody cowards." She headed down the hallway.

=BACKTRACKING, MY POV=

So I ran out of the room, hoping that the X-men wouldn't kill me too much. Although really they did earn it, considering the torture I put them through all the time. But why did they have to take out their agression on me? I would have been perfectly happy to refer them to a pyschiatrist...

They backed me up against the wall. It was nearly all the X-men, except for 'Ro and the professor 'cause I haven't gotten around to them yet. The main group backed off to reveal my main punchbunnies, Remy, Rogue, and Kurt. I gulped. "Oh my." I was probably going to be hurt, badly.

Rogue and Remy stepped up first.. since they're my main characters and all.. and considering how much I torture Remy. But I treat Rogue really well, why would she want to hurt me? Oh wait, this is humor genre.. it's not supposed to make sense. Crap.

Rogue growled. "So you're tha little punk that put us through all this, huh. Ya don't seem that type ta meh, but appearances can beh decieving."

I blinked at her. "Why are you complaining? I made you supreme leader of the band. I mean sure, I put everyone else through all that crap but I was _nice_ to you.. Can't you return the favor?"

"Wha should Ah?! Ya fixed meh up with that!" She pointed at Remy.

"Yeah, but that's because Romy is like.. the rules! If I fixed you with anyone else, I'd be dead right now! I could have gone for Rietro and fixed you up with Pietro you know... Please? I was nice to you! I'll write some nice fluffy stuff.. I'll do it from your POV, even! Can I have a head start, please?"

Rogue frowned, and looked like she was about to speak, but Remy beat her to it. "No way, _petite_, Remy does _not_ appreciate all those basement jokes y'constantly makin' 'bout him."

"But those are just jokes!" I squirmed at the unrelenting glares I was recieving.

"And mah accent!" Rogue said indignantly.

Kurt stepped up. "Yeah, but what about me? I don't care if it's a running gag, she's mangling _my_ accent!"

Remy and Rogue deadpanned at him.

"Sorry," he said, stepping backwards.

"Now, back to tha matter at hand," said Rogue. "What should we do ta her?"

That was when Kitty came in.

"Hey could you guys-" she trailed off, having the glares turned at her. "Leaving, please don't hit me!" She squeaked and ran off.

"THANKS A LOT!" I shouted after her. "Yeah, mum, it's great having Kitty as my friend, she's always there and sticks up for me."

So after that little interuption, the group advanced on me, softly chanting "Doom on you doom on you," ect. ect.

I was just about to most likely die by anything they could think of when Jazz calmly walked in. "Break it up break it up," she said breezily, walking through the group and dragging me off.

"Uh.. thanks, I think..," I said, blinking.

"Finish my stories and we're even, got it?"

I sighed. "Yes ma'am." _You know, it's just not right that she orders me around like this. After I all, I created her, not the other way around. As if it wasn't bad enough that she ranted on in my head, here she is in living color to do it in real life. _

(-yawns- I'll write more tomorrow.. I'm tired now, and it's only 7:00.. that's bad isn't it? Yeah so if you were confuzzled just tell me and I'll give you a few shifty looks and try to explain it away.. first I've got to get Jazz and Alistor away from the water heater, keep Daphine from robbing me blind (not that I've really got anything to steal, but she could probably steal my laptop to shut me up), and try and convince Sam that Neillsville is no place to stage a hostile takeover.. much easier said then done my friends... You're only my friends if you review, got it?)


	14. Of squirrels and bazookas, or Dironess!

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or the Fairly OddParents, I only own myself and Jazz.

(An: Yes, yet another chapter based off the the FOP. I just saw the funniest ep ever.. Wanda kept wanting to kill Vicky 'cause she called her fat. And from the image of a squirrel with a bazooka.. this was born. Okay, I just felt like something random with Apocaroach.. he's just so -fun-. And Pyro, can't forget Pyro. This is utter insanity, I warn you. Oh, if you're not getting the timeline, it goes like this: 6:00, they headed off to the club. They did their thing. Around 7, they got drunk. Around 10 or 11 Pyro went crazy and did the plot thing, and about 15 minutes later the X-men showed up.. don't ask how, I just kind of messed up. At about 7 at the mansion, Magneto was with Charles and Evan ran into Jem. At about 10 Jem had Evan at her mercy. At about 8 in the morning Magnus did the waffle thing. At around 9 the X-men stumbled back and there was the OC-age then. Okie?)

=WHILE WHAT WAS HAPPENING IN THE LAST CHAPTER=

While that was all going on, Pyguin and General Pengy had escaped. General Pengy went off on his own, saying something about meeting Gary Coleman and Captain Underpants.

Pyguin had just shrugged and headed off in the direction of the B-hood house. He was bored, and bugging Lance and shamelessly flirting with Wanda always cheered him up.

He waddled through the park, humming happy penguin songs to himself.

He came across his favorite tree in the whole park. Why was it his favorite? Because that was where the squirrels hung out. Pyguin loved squirrels.

He waddled over. Now, although Pyguin liked squirrels, the squirrels didn't really like him.

A six-year-old boy who was walking by holding his mother's hand happened to notice him. "Mommy," he said, "why is that squirrel aiming a bazooka at the penguin?" Needless to say the little boy was dragged off very very fast by his mom.

It was true. The squirrels _were_ holding bazookas and aiming them at poor Pyguin. Of course, Pyguin had no idea what this meant.

"Chitterchittersqueakspack!" shouted the squirrel with the biggest bazooka. Translation: "Shoot the mother-censored-!"

"Hiya guys!" said Pyguin cheerfully. "Nice guns, where'd you get 'em?"

-BOOOOOOM!!!!-

Daphine appeared out of nowhere and sighed at her errant boyfriend. "John, _chere_, how many times have I told y'? Leave de squirrels alone. Dey don't like y'." (I'm going to get a lecture from someone on how chere has a male spelling, I just know it.)

Pyguin looked up. "Do I know you?" He was a mess of scorched feathers and stuff.

Daph sighed and picked up poor Pyguin. "Come on _chere_, let's go see if we can fix y', hmm?"

If penguins could have lecherous smiles.. oh the one Pyguin'd be wearing now.

=A FEW MINUTES LATER, APOCAROACH'S **SECRET CLOSET LAIR** (tm)=

At Pyro's instruction, Daph had brought him to Apocaroach's **secret closet lair** (tm) where Apocaroach and his lackey Mesmeroach lurked.

Apocaroach was busy doing cockroach things when Daph came in. "Uh... Apocalypse?"

"Down here, sweet thing!" yelled Apocaroach. "What business brings you to my **secret closet lair** (tm)?"

"It's **Daphine**. M'boyfriend says dat y'turned him into a penguin. Fix him." She dropped Pyguin in a very undignified manner in front of Apocaroach, nearly squishing Mesmeroach, who squealed and ducked. (Daphine was wearing heels. Do you know what it's like to be impaled on a Stiletto, twitching and screaming until you die?!.... Neither do I.)

"Hello mate," said Pyguin, blinking.

"I wouldn't know how to fix him," replied Apocaroach offhandedly. "Call in... -dramatic pause- **Sue Anna** (tm)."

=A FEW MINUTES LATER, BAYVILLE BEACH=

"Are y'sure dat dis 'Sue Anna' can fix 'im?" Pyguin was happily waddling along. It's not every day you get to have a beautiful Cajun throw herself at ya, you know.

"Yes. **Sue Anna** (tm) can do aaaanything," said Apocaroach, nodding solemnly. "She was the one who turned me into a cockroach. Broke my heart too." He did something curious, which appeared to be some form of sobbing.

Pyguin, who was standing behind him, shrugged at Daph.

Mesmeroach patted the sobbing Apocaroach and then said, "Follow me." He led Daph and Pyguin down the beach to where a.. thing.. was sitting on a deck chair, somehow sipping a margerita.

"What de heck is **dat**?" asked Daphine incredulously.

"That's **Sue Anna** (tm)," said Mesmeroach in a duh tone.

"Ah," said Daphine.

Mesmeroach hopped up high and landed by the thing. "Hey! Hey!" he shouted, waving his arms.

**Sue Anna **(tm) blinked at them. _Oh no._ She held up a sign which read "Get away from me."

"But we need your help," said Mesmeroach, hopping around in agitation.

Another sign, this time, "With what?"

Daphine held up Pyguin. "Fix 'im," she said, dropping him unceremoniously in front of **Sue Anna **(tm).

Still another sign, "Oh, is that all?" There was a -bizert- noise as **Sue Anna** (tm) zapped him with some various ray thing.

There was a thud as Pyro!human landed on the ground with a thud. Looking somewhat dazed he said, "But mum, I liiiike vegimite.." and collapsed.

Daphine sighed again and slung him over her shoulder. "De t'ings I do for dis idiot.." she muttered and walked off, tossing a piece of diamond behind her.

A fourth sign, "OOOH! Is that real?!"

=A FEW MINUTES LATER, BACK AT THE MANSION=

"I still can**not** believe you runnin' wit' de X-geeks," said Daphine incredulously to her cousin as she, for the third time, dumped Pyro on the floor.

Remy shrugged. "Accordin' to dose two," he made a vague gesture over where Alie and M.A. were talking, "I was supposed t' start wit' dem. Strange, _non_? Anyway, old bucketheads dead or whatever."

Switching over to where the OC's were sitting:

Jazz and Alistor had made friends over a plot almost instantly. They were sending satisfied grins at each other every time one of them looked over and saw Scott...

Scott. Poor poor Scooter. He was covered in some mixture of shaving cream, cologne, and tomatoes... I think anyway. It was pretty hard to tell.

Kitty was huddled in a corner. She wasn't quite over the shock of Beast and Kurt. She was trying desperately to rationalize. Needless to say, it wasn't really working.

Alix had regained her power of speech and was pestering Sam about Pietro.. you don't want to know what about... ew.

Finally Sam got sick of it. "Why don't we just go **meet** Pie, hmm?!"

"COOL!" shouted Alix and ran out. She poked her head out of the door. "You coming?"

Sam threw up her hands and followed.

=AT THE B-HOOD HOUSE=

(Uh, bob, I'm just puttin' Ky there 'cause the whole thing with the new team confuzzled me..)

As it turned out, there was another hopper there, Ky. She was bugging Lance and Todd, who looked like they were about to scream.

Just as soon as Sam walked in she was almost tackled by Pietro, who was then Hex-bolted into the wall.

Alix was watching Pietro, her mouth hanging open. Pietro smoothed back his bangs and went over to work his Pietro-magic-thing. Not that he had to do much. (An: -grins at ETA- A little thank-ye for all the lovely lovely sug.)

Ky was smirking as she talked with Sam and Wanda. (Something about Lance and spaghetti-O's, I think.)

=BACK AT THE INSTITUTE, MY POV=

Well, the whole hopper thing had been sorted out, and now we were stuck at the mansion. The only one unhappy with it was Daphine, and she was fast getting over it with Pyro.

I had finally coaxed Kitty out of the corner, assuring her that yes, blue, furry people roaming around the mansion were normal, and no, she wasn't crazy. (Well, any more then she already was.)

Rogue had approached me with a proposition. I cover for her band by causing chaos with Jazz and Ali, and she wouldn't kill me. I had agreed post-haste, of course. Rogue is scary. But cool, can't forget cool.

Now Alie and I were trying to explain to Kitty (my friend Kitty, you nimrods) why she shouldn't take any of the other Kitty's brownies or muffins, and especially not her Snicker Salad.

(That's it, my friendses. Dat's all you get. Got it?)


	15. Distraction tactic 362, or Rogue's phobi...

Disclaimer: The government owns us AAAAALLL!!! I only own my twisted imagination.

(An: School here doesn't start for another week. God, I love private schools. -evil grin- Ok, here's a little explanation about a joke in this chapter: -pulls out map and taps WI with a Mr-Tomlin-esque Pointer stick- Wisconsin, disyere's remarked to as de "dairy state." So den, we do everythin' we can ta play dat up, see. So den, we have dese commercials where dis British dude, he talks 'bout de power o'cheese. Deseyere commercials have kinda died out, but ya can still see 'em on dose dere "local access channels." Ayup. (That was what most people seem to believe we Wisconsiners sound like. Contrary to popular belief, that's more of a Maine or Canadian accent. Ayup.) Heh heh heh. To dispel a nasty rumour, I have a valley girl accent, thank you very much. I'm from Southern WI see, and before I get into a complicated explanation of WI accents, here's the chapter.)

=THE NEXT DAY, MY POV=

The whole thing with Pyro had been sorted out. Yup yup. So, Rogue called me in for a distraction.

It was pretty easy, considering the supplies the mansion has. I don't do pranks at home. Everyone knows everyone. Not a good idea. But this'll be good practice for college.

I led a troupe of willing wannabes down the hall. (Willing wannabes Alix, Di, both Kitty's, and Kurt. Jazz and Alistor were nowhere to be found, and Daphine was too busy macking with Pyro.)

We ducked into Kurt's room. (he was the only one without a roomie) I checked down the hallway before locking the door. "Ok guys, here's the deal. I need a watermelon, the house keys, two things of peanut butter, and two pounds of nacho cheese. You got all that?"

They nodded solemnly. "Scatter. I need to prepare some stuff. Katie, Di, you stay with me."

=ABOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER, THE COMMON ROOM=

"A distraction they asked for, a distraction they shall get," I whispered as I put the finishing touches on my plot.

Right now, there was no one in here, all according to plan. I walked out and whistled a bit. That was the signal. Kurt bamfed out to tell the adults about a "mission briefing."

All of the adults met in the common room. They were talking among themselves about the curious place to hold a briefing. Kurt came back and bamfed me up to the attic, which just **happened** to have a trapdoor above the room. The watermelon made the coolest sound when it came down... on Logan's head, unfortunately. However, it did do the job of knocking him out. Next came the peanut butter, super heated by Amara so it was something akin to warm tar. This got Beast and Storm stuck.

They were struggling to get out when the nacho cheese came down. That was just a joke. Kurt bamfed me back down and the group (me, Di, Alix, both Kitty's and Kurt) and we all said in unison, "Ah, behold the power of cheese." (That's what they say on dat dere commercial. Ayup.)

Then we ran out before Logan's healing factor could kick in and he could kill us.

=NARRATOR POV, A FEW HOURS LATER=

Rogue was quite pleased. M.A.'s distraction tactics had worked well. Logan had woken up so dazed that he hadn't even thought to look where the X-band members had disappeared to. And then of course Rodna had showed up. More on that in a bit.

Practice had went well also. Her band was getting good. Now all they had to do was find another place to do a gig.

She had also drained Jott, and had allowed M.A. and Alie to draw faces on them in clown makeup. It was amusing.

As it turned out, Alistor and Jazz had been at the B-hood house, bugging everyone within a ten-foot-radius as they worked on a super plot with Ky. Sam and Pietro had "mysteriously disappeared," to somewhere. Alistor was betting Pie's bedroom.

They were penciled in as the distraction for tomorrow.

M.A., Alie, and Kitty were now stalking Remy. He was scared. He had attempted more than once to hide in Rogue's closet.

Rogue sighed as she went into her room. There was a very suspicious lump under the blankets. "Remy, how many tahmes have Ah told ya? Just 'cause no one can see ya doesn't mean you're safe." She pulled the blankets off him and shrieked at what she saw. It was Gary Coleman and General Pengy, reading a Captain Underpants book. (Started a new runningjoke, I have. Ayup. It's a two for one deal, a-yupyup.)

She screamed again and ran out of the room. She bumped into evo-Kit, still screaming. "Like, what's wrong Rogue?!" she asked.

"Gary Coleman! God help us, the Apocalypse is upon us!" She ran off, screaming again. Apocaroach appeared, jumping out of a large black hole, Mesmeroach close behind him.

"Did someone call me?"

Mesmeroach looked around. "What are the odds that that trans-dimensional wormhole'd lead us here?" he asked incredulously.

Logan came strolling by, the world's biggest grin on his face. Rodna was perched on his shoulder. He was being followed by a string of baby hamsters, all of which were helping to carry a bottle of whiskey.

Apocaroach and Mesmeroach shrugged at each other, then jumped back into the black hole.

Let's follow them, shall we? Since **Sue Anna** (tm) is perfectly happy where she is, let's try something else.

=THE CONTINUING JOURNIES OF APOCAROACH!=

Today we're in the sewers.

Apocaroach and Mesmeroach, ever hopeful, sprang from the portal.

They watched in stunned silence as Jem (the alligator with a fetish for waffles and a thing for Spyke, 'member) dragged Evan. Evan was covered in some kind of pastry.. waffles perhaps? He was kicking and yelling and spikes were going everywhere. He was yelling something about how girls and waffles and alligators gave him the hives. Jem was yelling something like, "SILENCE, SLAVE!"

Apocaroach and Mesmeroach got while the getting was good.

**Tune in next chapter for the ever-continuing "journies of Apocaroach!" **

(No, I have no idea what the point of this chapter was either. Just a bunch of spit take jokes I suppose. No, I have no idea why Rogue has a phobia of Gary Coleman.. or wait, maybe I do! Ha! Next chapter, less "Ayups" and some things with Sabes, I believe. Ayup.)


	16. Discussions with figments, or Alistor is...

Disclaimer: -sings- Oh if I owned the X-men bum-bidi-bidi-bum-bum...

(An: Sorry about the sporadic updating-ness, been a bit off my feed lately.

Jazz: In non-Wisconsiner speak, that's "I've been a bit wierd lately."

M.A.: Shut up. Mayleen: No, you can't have Logan. Pyth gets the honour of dispelling Rodna. I suppose I could always have Jazz "Trip and land on his lips", eh heh heh. Your amazing ability is to write Romys with amazing and engrossing plots and fight scenes. And uh -stammers- also to create really cool OC's! ...Alistor's holding a gun to my head.

Jazz: Alistor has a gun?

Alistor: Now I do, apparently.

M.A.: Just shut up and let me get on with this, ok?! -clears throat- Anyway, uh ETA: -gasps- No swearing! There are children here!

Jazz: Like you?

M.A.:What part of "shut up" do you not comprehend?! XKID: Okay, I've gotten bored of waiting for a response from you so I'm just going to jump the gun and put Pyth in anyway. But until you email me with her stuff I'm not going to have much of her in here, so ner. -patiently- Everyone hates Jott, jeez, how long is your attention span?!

Jazz: Shorter then yours, apparently.

M.A.: SHUT UP! But anyway, it may seem like I'm bashing Pyth but I'm going to bash everyone I know a relative amount about. That means only Ky is safe from my evil purpouses. BTHC: Actually I'm thinking something more along the lines of Logan and pheremones. -evil laughter is heard- Di: My timing is your problem. Heh heh heh. Yes, Daphine ro- HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY MOUNTAIN DEW!

Daphine: -evil laughter-

M.A.: Goddammit!!

-OC's stop and stare-

M.A.: What?! -clears throat- Aaanyway, at least I don't have Pyth to deal with yet. At least not until XKID gives me her info.

Ky: -dumps a bucket of water over M.A.'s head-

M.A.: What was that for?!

Ky: -shrugs and walks off-

M.A.: I hate you all. sighs But enough of my problems. On with the chapter!)

=THE NEXT DAY, MY POV=

There's yet **another** newcomer to the Institute. Her name is Pythona, the snake-girl. She has this rabid thing for Kurt.

Considering all the plotting Jazz, Kurt, and Ali have been doing, she wasn't very happy with Jazz.

I was sitting on the couch, reading up on Bayville Laws and Regulations (never know when that might come in handy) with Katie, when I heard the sounds of a fight coming from the hallway.

Pythona poked Jazz in the chest. "You can't have Kurt! He's mine!"

Jazz shrugged. "All right."

Pyth deflated a tad. "...What?"

"You can have 'im. He's waaaay too young for me in this dimension. Haven't you noticed? He's 18 and I'm almost 30!"

"Oh..."

"What are your powers, anyway?" piped up Kitty.

Jazz spoke next, for reasons unknown. "Well, according to this little sunspot here," she pointed at me, "her powers are that of a snake: Fangs, scales, is cold-blooded, and has venom, I think. Of course, the sunspot also believes that she might have some kind of character-seducing powers as well."

"..What?" asked Pyth, clearly confused.

"You explain it," said Jazz, shoving me forward.

The snake-girl gave me a skeptical look. "Well see uh," I stammered, "it's just that Kurt's obsessed with you in all of XKID's fics and Harry Potter liked you too and Spiderman seems to have a thing for you as well and so did this Spynx guy like five seconds after he met you." (XKID, can you dig the point I'm trying to make here? As for all the Pyth bashing, that's what you get for not reviewing! Sacrilige! Jazz: -perks up- Sacrilige?! Someone get the sacrilige stick! M.A.: -mouths- Sacrilige stick?)

"Yeah, that's what I kind of thought you would say which is **why**," I said with a glare at Jazz, "I told her not to tell you!"

Pyth shrugged and went off to stalk Kurt.

Me and Kitty went back to plotting tomorrow's distraction.

=NARRATOR POV=

Pythona got interrupted in her quest for Kurt by Logan. "Hey dad," she said casually and kept walking, not knowing the havoc that innocent comment would wreak.

=ABOUT A HALF-HOUR LATER=

Logan was depressed. First the peanut butter thing, then the indignity of the watermelon. He had gotten over those things with Rodna back.. but considering recent events, she wasn't really a comfort option anymore.

Kurt came walking into the room, looking surreptiously left and right. "Is Pyth in here?" he asked softly.

Logan shook his head.

"Good!" said Kurt, sinking into a chair with a sigh of relief. "I like the girl and all but she's just **annoying** after a while. (An: Look Ma, no accent!) Hey, what's the matter?"

Logan looked up from his beers. "Rodna left me."

"**Again**?" Logan nodded tearfully. "What happened?"

"Pythona said 'Hi dad' to me."

Kurt looked over at him. ". . .So?"

"So that got Rodna upset! She started on this spiel about old girlfriends and even though I tried, really I did, to explain that she was just made from my DNA, she wouldn't listen! She took her kids, the waffle iron, the blueberries, my cowboy hat, but most of all she took my heart, my heart!" He broke down sobbing.

"Uh.." He was spared having to reply to this when Jazz walked in. Calm as you please, she dropped a large purple pill in his beer. Logan didn't notice. When you're experiencing a mental breakdown, people drugging your drink just doesn't bother you like it should.

Logan took a lusty drink of the stuff, choking down the pill like it was nothing. He grinned crazily and yelled "HEY! THAT'S GOOD STUFF!" and collapsed. Jazz grinned evilly.

"Mind puttin' the badger in the DR Kurt?"

"Uh, sure." Kurt shrugged and bamfed him there and came back. "What was that all about?"

Jazz gave him a long, steady look. "You don't want to know. This was Alistor's idea. Speaking of Ali, where is he? I have to tell him I planted the aphrodesiac."

"The **what**?!"

"Never mind." Jazz walked out.

"I don't want to know, I don't want to know," Kurt whispered.

Pythona came in. "Hiya cutie! What's wrong?" Kurt whimpered and curled up in a little ball in his chair. "Oooh, I'll kiss it and make it better!" Kurt sighed and let Pyth drag him off.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the mansion, Ororo was calmly watering her plants when she was ambushed by Ky, who Ali had gotten to come to X-geek manor. He needed to exploit her power of invisibility, you see. She dumped a large tub of what smelled like pheremones over her. In other words, every guy within twenty feet of 'Ro had to take a veeeery long cold shower. She then ditched the place, muttering something about "cleansing the smell of good" from herself and "doing penance for such sacrilige." (Jazz: Sacrilige stick! M.A.: What in bloody hell with bats is a sacrilige stick?!)

In Hank's lab, he too was slipped a large purple pill. How he got it, we'll never know. Alistor won't tell. And yes, he too was dumped in the DR. Another thing we'll never know, unless someone figures out how to slip truth serum in Alistor's beer.

Somehow, Alistor and Jazz managed to pry Kurt from Pythona, promising "they'd give him right back"(and I think also by promising to let her use Storm's curious arrangement of S&M thingys). They managed to convince Kurt (probably involving Jazz's telepathic powers) that 'Ro would make out with him if he bamfed her into the DR and then bamfed right out back to Pyth.

As for what happened to the professor, he was rendered immobile by a DVD with every single bloody this-damn-show-won't-bloody-DIE episode of Pokemon EVER released. That means the ones still in Japan, you silly neener-heads. (An: Jazz: -mouths- Silly neener-heads? M.A.: SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP WOMAN!)

So Ororo was attacked-mentally-scarred-for-life-maimed-raped-by-pheremone-crazy-animalistic-guys in the DR. (An: Alistor: I have a tape of it right here, don't ask how I got it but I do, selling it out, fifteen bucks a watch. -holds up tape- Everyone else: -is somewhat grossed-out but curious- Jazz: ...Give me that.)

=A FEW HOURS LATER=

After the pheremones and the aphrodisiacs wore off, a very embarassed Logan and Hank stumbled out of the DR. Ororo couldn't move by herself. She was rolled out of the DR instead, stuck in what appeared to be a permanent fetal position. She was whimpering something about foot-long hotdogs. Gee, I don't see **any** context to that.

The practice went well enough, nothing to comment on there.

Meanwhile, no one noticed Katie and M.A. laughing evilly on the couch.

=THE CONTINUING JOURNIES OF APOCAROACH=

Today we're reporting from Mardi Gras! Wahoo!

Apocaroach and Mesmeroach sprang from their wormhole in their never-ending quest for world domination, **Sue Anna **(tm), or at least cockroach-sized designer shoes.

They were almost immediately nearly squashed by a line of people with large cups of beer wearing half-masks and feathers chanting "Mardi Gras Mardi Gras Mardi Gras" over and over and over yes indeed you better believe it. They were then nearly drowned by a large droplet of said beer.

"Back in the wormhole!" shouted Apocaroach. Of course, through the beer in his mouth, it sounded more like "Grgack gign glub blblehole!" (Well, have you ever attempted to write gargling?)

Of course, Mesmeroach got the idea.

**Tune in next chapter for the ever continuing "Journies of Apocaroach!"**

(Ok, I need help. I need some ideas for "The continuing journies of Apocaroach." The distractions I can handle, but that's got me screwed. Please review with suggestions. Zany quote: "I considered bringing the sour prize inside to complain, but the last time I voiced displeasure against this particular deli, the storeowners suddenly forgot English, made a bunch of duck noises and kept pointing to bags of sunflower seeds. Hmm. It would've been interesting to see if they always respond to complaints like that. Next time.")


	17. Scare tactics, or dude, I need suggestio...

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, I know, "beep-beep M.A." I don't own the X-men or any other thingy besides myself.

(An: -looks around- I think the OC's have passed out. They found my mother's supply of Moose Drool beer. It wasn't pretty.

Jazz: I'm still awake!

M.A.: Crap. How can you be so bloody cheerful this early anyway?

Jazz: -evil smirk- Is there such a thing as a non-evil smirk?

M.A.: Do you -ever- shut up?! -sighs- Calm. I am calm.

Jazz: Wait.. you have beer?

M.A.: Isn't that what I just insinuated? I highly doubt there's any left. Uh... the only review I got was from Di: Your new OC is named Charmaine? You see, if you, oh, say, -updated- we would know these kind of things. -clears throat and rocks back and forth- so that's it. No insanity from the OC's 'cause they're all dead to the world. Uh, by the way Jazz, what in the world is a "sacrilige stick?"

Jazz: It's a stick. For SACRILIGE! -she nods sagely-

M.A.: Okaaaaay. -blinks- You scare me. Um, anyway, chapter time!)

=THE NEXT DAY, MY POV=

Almost everyone had gotten over the whole pheremones thing. Well, everybody except for Ororo. Poor poor Ororo. She has yet to move from the fetal position. At least I don't get the blame.

Kitty and I decided to go for an all out distraction. It was getting too quiet around here.

We started with John. We crept into his room at six A.M. and whispered "Purple Peeps" in the most menacing way that one can say such a phrase.

John sat up with a start. "Whazzat?" he whispered, sounding like a frightened six-year-old.

We went over to his bed and dropped a few in his lap. He looked at us, terror in his eyes. We smiled sweetly and pointed at them. John screamed "BLOODY HELL!" and ran out screaming bloody murder. (That means he was yelling really loud. He didn't actually yell that.)

Daphine, who was apparently sitting on the floor, stared at us. We shrugged at her and she ran off to collect her boyfriend.

We walked out and went back to bed. (SEPERATELY, you perverts! Alistor: -slurring- Did someone call me? Jazz: -hits him over the head with a rolling pin- Die zombie!)

Later that morning, I came up to Rogue with a person in tow. "Hey Rogue! Look who I found!" I shoved him out in front of me. "It's Gary Coleman!"

Rogue shrieked to high heaven and ran into a wall. She fell to the ground with a thump.

Kitty and I grinned at each other. I pulled out a list and made a mark on it. "John. Check. Rogue. Check. Next up, Hank."

Kitty (who is famed the world over, well okay, half of Neillsville anyway, for her art skills) sat down at the table and drew a picture.

We then went into Hank's lab and taped said picture over his glasses. We hid in a corner to watch. Hank stumbled into the room, smelling faintly of sweat and hotdogs. He picked up his glasses and put them on. He then began to run around in circles yelling, "OH GOD OH GOD THE PENGUINS ARE EATING SHAKESPEARE! I CANNOT ESCAPE THE PENGUINY MENACE!"

Kitty and I high-fived then crept out of the room.

We then went into Logan's room. He was passed out on his bed. We smirked at each other, then went to opposite sides of the bed. We whispered "Yellow Submarine" into his ears.

Logan sat bolt upright. I pulled out a boombox and pressed a button. "In the tooooown where I was boooorn, there lived a maaan who sailed to seeeea," came blasting from the speakers. Logan screamed like a six-year-old girl and jumped out his window.

We walked out, no celebrations for that. It was scary.

"Hank, check. Logan, check. Do we really need to do Ororo anymore?"

"I don't think so. She seemed mentally scarred enough."

"Okay, moving on then. Uh, next up, Kurt. He'll be easy."

"How would you know?"

"Kurt is one of those mentally scarred for life types. With the right stimuli, we can do anything." I snickered evilly and dragged Kitty off to collect some things.

We headed into Kurt's room and headed right back out. Pyth had done our job for us. (It involved silly string, cement, and foot-long subs. The kind that goes underwater. And duct tape. Lots of it. The kind made from ducks.) We gazed at the stuff we were going to use to scare Kurt.

"What do we do with this crap?" Kitty asked.

I shrugged. "Save it and use it later, I guess."

I checked the list. "We don't have to do Xavier either. He's still hypnotized by the Pokemon. Stupid yellow rat... Uh, but that's not the point. Anyway, next would be.. uh, well next would be Evan but he doesn't live here anymore. Temporary lapse, I suppose. Well, we scared most of 'em anyway." I rolled up the list. "And we're done."

"Now what?"

"Now we hide, so we don't get killed by Rogue."

=A FEW HOURS LATER, NORMAL POV=

Rogue was pissed. The practice had went well enough yes, but she had been forced to reveal her fear of Gary Coleman. Why was she scared of him? Nobody except for Rogue knows, and she's not telling. Another reason she was pissed, she couldn't find M.A. Why would she want M.A., you ask? Why, to murder her, you silly neener-heads. (Jazz: Is that going to be another running joke? M.A.: It's only a running joke if I make a joke about it being a running joke. Therefore, it's not.)

She growled and went off to torture Remy.

=THE CONTINUING JOURNIES OF APOCAROACH=

Today we're in Cairo. (I'm really desperate here.. I'm completely faking it.)

Apocaroach and Mesmeroach, ever hopeful, sprang from the black hole. "Hey, this place looks familiar!" said Apocaroach, looking around. He saw sand. Lots and lots of sand. Just sand. Nothing but sand.

"What's familiar about it, sir?"

"The sand."

"Ah."

". . .Well, it seems **Sue Anna** (tm) is not here, and a Gucci isn't within our sights either. Back in the hole."

Mesmeroach shrugged and jumped into the wormhole with him.

**Tune in next chappy for the ever continuing "Journies of Apocaroach!" **

(Well, it won't be continuing if you guys don't give me suggestions. Sadness. Still a tad off my feed, so solly Chollie if this was not to your liking, honoured sirs and ma'ams. Shameless plug: I wrote a songfic. A funny songfic. It's called Redneck woman, and if you like people in cowboy hats and Rogue in lingerie, go read it. Of course, there's other stuff too, but who cares about that? Zany quote: "The muffin isn't picky Timmy, nor is it tasty. But it is powerful. ALL HAIL THE MUFFIN!" Okay, I'm begging you people here: I NEED SUGGESTIONS! I cannot live without them. Or rather, this fic cannot live without them. Any suggestion you give will at the very least make the chapters better but it could also give me plot-extending ideas.)


	18. Of Splenda and bombs, or equal distribut...

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or Splenda... Alistor: What is this "Splenda?" Jazz: You're not allowed to talk during the disclaimers! Shut up!

(An: Jazz: -to OC's- Well, the author says that we're to write her chapter.

Alistor: Why?

Jazz: She said something about uh.. a pint of chocolate ice cream, a long book, and.. uh, stalking Elijah Wood I believe.

-female OC's nod in understanding but Alistor looks confused-

Ali: How does that sum up to making us write her chapter?

Jazz: Men. -patiently- She's mad at us because we trashed the house when we got drunk. She couldn't stop us because she's just a kid. She's off to bury her sorrows in cute guys and sugar.

Ali: -still clearly confused- Ah.

Jazz: -sighs and shakes head- Well anyway, she's left a list of demands. -takes out list, begins to read it, gasps- Oh my. -sideways glance at Alistor-

Ali: What?

Jazz: Never mind. What does "Burninate" mean? -crickets- We may as well get started.)

=THE NEXT DAY=

M.A. and Katie were slinking along the hallways of the mansion, hoping to not be spotted by Rogue or Remy. All they had to do was cross the common room and then they could get out through the kitchen.

What they found in the common room was just plain scary. The entire room was covered in some powdery white substance. Jazz and Alistor were sitting on opposite sides of a large scorch mark in the empty spot behind the couch. M.A. and Kitty walked in, leaving tracks in the stuff. "What happened here?" asked M.A.

"We made a bomb. It blew up," said Jazz dazedly.

M.A. wiped a bit of the white stuff on her finger. She gave it a tentative lick. "You made a bomb out of sugar?"

"No," said Jazz, blinking. "We made a bomb out of Splenda. Big difference."

"How do you make a bomb out of Splenda anyway?" asked Kitty, quite confused.

"We used Splenda cubes," said Alistor. "We put some explosive stuff in a container and covered it in sugar cubes. But we dropped it. The explosion.. man that was cool. I guess it ground the sugar into powder."

Jazz nodded. They both got up and walked out.

"What was with them?" asked Kitty.

"Shock, probably," said M.A. with a shrug. "Come on, let's get out of here before we get the blame or Rogue shows up."

=AT THE B-HOOD HOUSE=

Ky was annoying Todd and Fred by asking "Why?" over and over and over. She had on an innocent expression like she really **did** want to know why, so they didn't tell her to shut up or smack her.

Pietro was flirting with Sam and Alix simultaniously. Alix had this look on her face like she had died and gone to heaven. In her opinion, the only problem with the situation was that she didn't have a drink and that Pie wasn't naked.

=BACK AT THE INSTITUTE=

Daphine was making out with Pyro when M.A. skidded in. "Hiya, need to borrow John for a moment." She grabbed him and ran out, leaving a very confused Daph behind.

" i _Quoi?_ /i "

M.A. ran into Scott's room, where he and Jean were making out. "BURNINATE THEM!" she shouted.

"Uh, okay!" said Pyro, ever eager to play with fire. He took out his lighter and burned them to a crisp. "What was the occasion?" he asked, surveying his work.

"They were making out. We don't want to risk the paradoxes that would come with Jott children, now do we?"

"I suppose not," said Pyro with a shrug and went back to Daph.

M.A. grinned and went in the kitchen. Alie was sitting at the table, staring at Remy. A rapturous expression was on her face. Needless to say, Remy wasn't too displeased either.

M.A. grabbed an M.D. from the fridge. (An: That was a cheap shot. Jazz: Where did you come from?!) She was quite surprised to find herself holding a doctor. She replaced him and grabbed a Mountain Dew.

Alistor and Jazz came in, holding a carton covered in Splenda cubes. (Alistor: No, actually, that second time it was just sugar.) Okay, sugar cubes. They smiled sweetly and dropped it. The thing exploded, covering everything in a fine white dust.

They took out another, saying something about having to do the front lawn. They did so, and headed into the woods, for reasons unknown.

=A FEW HOURS LATER=

Rogue had gotten her distraction. She was quite pleased. She had yet to get her revenge on M.A., but wasn't there a saying about how revenge is a dish best served cold or something?

She was trying to remember it while sitting on the couch when her thoughts were rudely interrupted. Alistor and Jazz stumbled in. Their hair was mussed, Alistor's shirt was on backwards as were Jazz's goggles, and both of them looked dazed but happy.

They walked through, leaning on each other and not seeming to notice anyone.

Rogue blinked. "What the.." She shrugged and went off to pop Remy's ego.

=THE EVER CONTINUING JOURNIES OF APOCAROACH=

Today we're reporting from Mag's base. (This thing is on its last legs, really. Suggestions, I plead, no, I beg of you ppl!)

Apocaroach and Mesmeroach, ever hopeful, leapt from the portal.

"Welcome to Supervillains Anon, how may I help you cope?" asked a person, bending down to say hello. It was Sabretooth.

Apocaroach blinked. "Gary Coleman," he said and Sabretooth ran off screaming.

"How did you know he was afraid of Gary Coleman my lord?" asked Mesmeroach.

"Rogue's afraid of it. Her fear makes no sense, therefore Sabretooth must be afraid of it and has passed the fear on to her."

Mesmeroach nodded slowly. "Uh right."

"We're not going to find anything here. Back to the portal!"

And so Apocaroach and Mesmeroach sprang back into the wormhole from whence they came.

**Tune in next chapter for the ever-continuing "Journies of Apocaroach!" **

(Yeah yeah, short chappy, I know. But that's what you get for three updates in a day and a one-shot. Meh. Zany Quote:"This here's Stan the Man Uris. Now, Stanley-boy here's a Jew, which means he has a big nose and says Oy a lot. Also, he killed Christ. At least, that's what Victor Criss told me one day. I been after Sam ever since. I figure if he's that old, he ought to be able to buy us some beer. Right Stan?" "I think that must have been my father." "A Good One! Stan the Man Gets Off A Good One! Great Moments in History! Yowza-Yowza-YOWza!")


	19. We're going to VEGAS baby, yeah, or fun ...

Disclaimer: We do not own the X-men. The X-men own themselves, for they are people.

(An: I got some suggestions! Whee!

Jazz: The author's on a bit of a sugar high owing to Spearmint Trident.

Ky: Isn't that sugarless?

Jazz: Yeah, but this freak here can get high off Trident white. -shrugs-

M.A.: It's not so much the sugar as the pent-up energy! Uh, let's see... If anyone didn't get the "burninate" thing, there's this game at homestarrunnerdotcom where you play this dragon. If you stomp ten peasants you get to BURNINATE things. In capital letters, like that. -nods-

Alistor: -Walks in and growls at author- DIE! -springs at her-

M.A.: -ducks-

Ali: -runs into a wall-

M.A.: What was that all about then?

Jazz: I think he's mad at you for the innuendo bit. -makes a face- I mean come on, me and Ali?

M.A.: Hey, K.T. said to fix him up with someone and Rogue was taken and Teren doesn't exist here! Okay, responses: Di: A nude beach? With **Sue Anna** (tm)? What fun! I'll put some you stuff in here.. hey, Daph got her own chapter! What is she complaining about?

Daph: Dere's not'in' to steal in dis place!

M.A.: SHUT UP! ETA: "Vicodine?" What is this "Vicodine?" Does not compute, honored sai.

Jazz: Ah yep. Sugar high. She's doing the "unrecognizable-Dark-Tower-references."

M.A.: I loathe you. Why did I hire you as my muse again?

Jazz: -launches into long and complicated explanation, which no one listens to-

M.A.: -sighs and shakes head- Why are all my OC's such idiots?

Jazz: -glares- Because you, yourself, are an idiot?

M.A.: What part of shut up do you not comprehend woman?! Meh. BTHC: I won't kill Ky, don't worry. Now as for what the characters do... Just kidding! I never kill off my chars!

Jazz: What about "Glitter?"

M.A.: I only wrote that to shut you up! Uh, anyway, how would Ky turn into a hawk? Sounds like a plausible reason to bring in **Sue Anna** (tm)! Yay! I love my creations..

Jazz: What about me? -tears-

M.A.: You suck. Shut up. Perhaps if you kept -quiet- for a while, I'd like you better. That way, I could listen to my -other- muse and actually get some -work- done. At the very least, you could take the duct tape off her mouth.

Jazz: -makes a zipping gesture and goes to set my OF muse free-

M.A.: Good girl. Okay, chapter time! I'm shooting for this story to be about as long as the original was on EE, in other words, about 25-ish chapters.)

=AT THE BROTHERHOOD HOUSE=

Wanda ran in, breathless and holding up a sheet of paper. "Hey guys!"

Ky looked over from where she was **still** asking Fred and Todd "Why?" over and over. Pie and Sam paused in their macking and Alix paused in her watching of their macking.

"What?" asked everyone in the room.

"We're going to VEGAS BABY!" She started doing a little victory dance. "I used my powers to win us a trip to VEGAS! Wahoo!"

Pietro jumped up with her and they started to do the victory dance together, until Todd tried to join. He got Hex-bolted into the wall.

=AT THE INSTITUTE=

Rogue ran into Remy's room, breathless and holding a sheet of paper. "Hey Remy!"

"Yeah?"

"We got a gig in VEGAS BABY!" She started doing a little victory dance. "Come on, Ah'm going ta tell the rest of the band!" She danced out, Remy close behind.

=A FEW MINUTES LATER, THE GARAGE=

The band was gathered in the garage. Rogue was still excited, but she was keeping calm. She could explode later. Right now, she had a reputation to upkeep.

"Okay guys, here's tha deal." She pulled down a chart and pulled out her "tell-your-band-mates-what-to-do" dry erase board (patent pending). "We got ourselves a gig in Vegas. We're opening for Celine Dion and Britney Spears."

There was the sound of crickets chirping as all the X-men's mouths hung open. Then they burst into laughter.

"You're joking, right?" asked Bobby after he calmed slightly. "I mean, I'm an idiot and even I know that can't be true."

"But it **is**," protested Rogue. "The original opening act (Nsync) died in a fiery explosion and they were desperate. So they hired us. They heard about our success with the BOB!!" Rogue blinked. "Where did that loud, announcer-ish voice come from?"

Scott spoke up. "We noticed that in the last story too." He nodded sagely.

Rogue blinked. "Oops, fergot somethin'." She went over and zapped Jott. "Someone should remind meh when Ah forget. Those two are so annoyin'."

The dimension-hoppers came down the stairs shouting, "We're going to VEGAS we're going to VEGAS!" over and over and over while doing the conga.

"How did you guys find out?" asked Remy.

They paused in their congo-ing to say in unison, "We're from another dimension. We know eeeeverything." Then they went back to congo-ing around the garage.

"Uh, so anyway, we're leavin' for Vegas in two hours. Is that enough time?" Everyone in the room nodded.

"But what about the adults?" asked Kitty. "What will they, like, do? I mean, like, the professor would never let us go to, like, Vegas!"

Rogue shrugged. "Oh, that's easy. For tha prof', all we havta do is turn on that DVD and turn him towards the sun and water him periodically. Ororo and Logan can come with us. And Hank still has those penguin-eating-Shakespeare-glasses. Or if he doesn't, we can just bring him with too."

"Like, okay," said Kitty, grinning.

"Now, we must pack!" Rogue stuck her finger in the air and made as though she was about to fly through the roof. Then she ran off to her room, everyone else close behind.

The dimension-hoppers just kept congo-ing.

=THE EVER CONTINUING JOURNIES OF APOCAROACH!=

Today we're reporting from a nude beach.

Apocaroach and Mesmeroach, ever hopeful, sprang from the black hole. They screamed at what they saw.

Sitting there was Freddy and Todd, both nakers. "MY EYES MY EYES!" screamed Apocaroach.

"IT BUUUUURNS!" shouted Mesmeroach. Both cockroachy super-villains were rolling around on the ground screaming.

Juggernaut (Jazz: We're calling him Juggernaut because the author doesn't know his real name. M.A.: Yes I do! It's uh.. Cain Marko, isn't that it?) walked up to Todd and Fred. He too, was nakers. "Hey, what are these things?"

Fred lowered his sunglasses and shrugged. Juggernaut shrugged as well and flicked the two cockroaches into the wormhole from whence they came.

**Tune in next chappy for the ever-continuing "Journies of Apocaroach!" **

(Yeah, I know that chapter was short, but I'm in shock here. School starts tommorow. I'm scared. I'm going to go drink MD Pitch Black and drown my sorrows in a sugar high. Zany Quote: "I know! I'll turn him into a flea! And then I'll put that flea in a box, and I'll put that box in a box, and I'll mail it to myself! And when it arrives, AH HAH HAH, I'll smash it with a hammer! Or, I could just save on postage and poison him with THIS!")


	20. The Xodus to Vegodus, or the author's on...

Disclaimer: Marvel is not mine-o! Marvel is not mine-o! Daph: Why didn't I steal her drink when I had de chance? Other OC's: Marvel is not ours-o! Marvel is not ours-o!

(AN: Daph: The author's on a sugar high, so she asked me t'do her responses. 'M hidin' here in her basement with her laptop. 'M scared. Really I am. There really -are- rats here!

M.A.: Aaaaw get on wit' it ya bugger.

Daph: Uh, anyway. Saskia: ...I wish to kill you. Why did you create me, and then forget me, HMM? HMM?! -glares- Uh.. you think the author's a nutter? Got that right anyway. Uh, but anyway, the author would -checks list- like to state that's she's putting some Alie and Daph stuff in here to appease you.

M.A.: -slurring somewhat- The next one I would like ta do myself.

Daph: How can you get drunk on grape soda anyway?!

M.A.: Anything is possible with the right amount of sugar! -sticks finger in the air- I may be strange but I'm proud of it!

Daph: -nods while edging away-

M.A.: Aaaaanyway, uh, ETA: (ugh verse) I am flattered that ya would consider me random enough to become worthy of tha title "Queen of random", but tha problem with that is it's taken. By somebody named Regina. My title is "Mistress of Madness". -goes off in search of MD-

Daph: She creep m'out. Uh, Bobdeheadlesschicken: De author wants to get rid of dem anyway, although 'cordin' to her, it won't happen til de last chapter.

M.A.: Yeah, that's right that is!

Daph: You scare me.

M.A.: I know I do, that the idea, ya dig?

Daph: -edges even farther away and falls off her chair- Oh, de pain, de pain!

M.A.: Why don't we just do tha chapter thing now? -is listening to Seether and hums along-)

AN HOUR AFTERWARDS

M.A. had gotten into the Mountain Dew with Kitty and now they were bouncing around singing "BLACK SOCKS THEY NEVER GET DIRTY THE MORE THAT YOU WEAR THEM THE BLACKER THEY GET SOMEDAY YOU'LL PROBABLY WASH THEM BUT SOMETHING KEEPS TELLING YOU DON'T DO IT YET!"

"Wouldn't that be brown socks?" asked Di dazedly. She was hanging out with them and her brains were torturously slowly draining away.

"BLACK SOCKS!!!" shouted M.A. and Kitty in unison.

Alix came in holding a screwdriver. (That would be a drink, not an actual screwdriver numbnuts!) She gulped it in one.. gulp and started singing herself. "My grandfather's clock was too tall for the shelf so it stood ninety years on the floor- on the floor-!"

"Oh oh I know that one!" shouted M.A. and started singing it with her.

Alie sighed and rubbed her ears. "VICODIN!" she shouted. "My kingdom for some vicodin!"

Alix stopped singing for a moment. "Oooh Vicodin I like that stuff! My aunty takes it when she gets a headache and ooh it makes her so happy!"

M.A. and Kitty seemed to forget they were there and started singing, "This is the song that never ends!" at the top of their voices. Alix drained another screwdriver and joined in.

ANOTHER HOUR LATER

Rogue came in and sighed. "Oh Lord, it's a regular idiot convention."

Alie turned to her, eyes hollow. "They never stop. They never shut up. They never stop, ever!" She ran over to Rogue and grabbed her shirt. "THEY NEVER STOP, do you hear me?! They are endless! ENDLESS!" She screamed, quite high-pitched and accidentally touched Rogue's skin. Rogue backed off, but she got enough of Alie to start talking in a partial English accent. It was fascinating! -bobs head- Oh wait, this isn't my POV is it.. oops!

M.A. paused in her happy dancing to say, in a rare moment of clarity, "Well we are only 13, I mean, give us some credit!" Then she grinned insanely and went back to dancing and singing.

Rogue rubbed her head. "Oh bloody hell... what the HELL?! I sound like.. like I'm British!"

"Yeah well, that would be what you would sound like wit' her accent, no?" asked Daphine, leaning against the wall and shaking her head. She and Rogue actually got on quite well, after Daphine got over the whole Romy thing. And figured out that it was a joke as well, that helped a lot yes.

Alie recovered fairly quickly from the assault and started running around in circles yelling "THEY NEVER SHUT UP!!!!" Did I mention she had had several beers herself? That really wasn't helping.

"Yeah, well, Ah was goin' ta tell these idiots here we havta be goin' old mate- dammit!- but they don't seem to be in any state to understand."

"So how do we get 'em on de bus?"

"Oh, that's easy, mate! GODDAMMIT!" She sounded extremely British on that bit. It ticked her off. She was Southern, kraz-dang it!

She walked off, and returned with a large dart gun. She aimed and fired. Alix, Alie, Kitty and M.A. all collapsed in a heap with darts stuck in various places on their personages. Rogue snapped her fingers and Logan and Hank came in and picked up two each of the unconcious girls.

"How'd y'get dem to do dat?" asked Daph, amazed.

"Blackmail, baby. Ah got tha tape from Alistor," she said, holding out a nondescript video tape. "It wasn't pretty but it was damn sure worth it."

ABOUT SIX HOURS LATER, THE "X-BUS", SOMEWHERE IN ARIZONA.. I THINK

As it turned out, Xavier owned a bus, which he kept to the back of the garage. Like all his X-acutribants (I know not how to spell that, honored Sai -bows and taps throat- Daph: What the..? Jazz: -pauses in her destruction- That would be the "the-author's-on-a-sugar-high-and-feels-the-need-to-make-an-obscure-Dark-Tower-ref-that-only-about-six-people-will-get" thing. M.A.: Can't I have my fantasys? I'd like to believe that about eight people might get it. Is that too much to ask?) it was black and sleek and high-techy and supery. (Daph: What's with all the "Y"'s? M.A.: -shrugs- I was going to use "Ish" but that reminds me too much of Ishandahalf. And anyway, supery sounds cooler then superish. So ner. Daph: And what's wit' all de An's? M.A.: What's with -your- lack of accent? Daph: Shutting up now.)

So anyway, everyone loaded into the X-bus. It was quite entertaining, watching them load their stuff and try to get the various hoppers onto it.

Katie and M.A. had stayed passed out for the time being, but Alix and Di, with their increased older-people metabolisms, had woken up. They were now bouncing around the back of the bus, singing "Black Socks" and drinking.

However, there was a problem when Kitty and M.A. -did- wake up. M.A., who was seated next to General Pengy, screamed and attempted to jump out the window. Kitty, who was seated next to Logan, who was quite drunk, screamed as well and hit her head on the window and passed out. M.A. jumped out of her seat and ran down the aisle of the bus. She cowered behind Alie, shaking like a leaf.

"What's the matter mate?" asked Alie, slurring ever so slightly.

"That that that arcane thing!" M.A. shrieked, pointing at General Pengy, who waved.

"Who, Pengy?" asked Pyro. "Rogue said we could bring a friend!" He grinned

M.A. pointed at Pengy again, terror in her eyes. "Do you KNOW what that CREATURE was inspired by?!"

". . ." Everyone in the bus, including Pengy, gave her blank looks.

"He was inspired by a real penguin!" She shrieked again and tried to hide beneath the seat.

Remy spotted Pengy and screamed. He attempted to join M.A. Rogue and Daph rolled their eyes.

"Whassa matter with you?" slurred Alix, after staring at Remy's ass.

Remy peeked out from beneath the seat. The light reflected off both his eyes and M.A.'s glasses, causing an awful glare which reflected into the front of the bus toward the driver.. but we'll get to that in a second. "His eyes are red!" Remy squeaked. M.A. nodded sagely.

"Remy, have you looked in a mirror latelah?" asked Rogue, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes, but dere a difference! M'eyes are sexy and smolderin'! His eyes shine like de red eyes o' Satan!" He wiggled further back.

Now, back to that beam of light. In a rare flash of extremely bad luck.. no wait, this is the X-men, bad luck follows them everywhere. Ok, scratch that. In a common flash of extremely bad luck, the light blinded Hank when it hit his glasses and reflected into his eyes. He yelled something like "MY EYES MY EYES MY BRAIN MY BRAIN!!!" He let go of the steering wheel and bumped it. The bus drove off the highway and into a desert. The bus, not used to such abuse (Daph: What abuse? M.A.: SHUT UP!!!) broke down with a wheeze.

(M.A.: Woohoo! Cliffhanger! -does the cliffhanger dance- "Cliff Hanger, hanging from a CLIIIIIFFF.. and that's why he's called Cliff Hanger!" Daph: -incredulous look- Where de hell do you come up wit' dis crap? M.A.: Between the Lions, mostly. God, I love that show. Daph: And the chapter's not over, either. M.A.: So?)

THE EVER CONTINUING "JOURNIES OF APOCAROACH"

Today we're reporting from.. Alix's brain? That can't be right! -flips through cue-card and gasps- But it is... God this place is scary. Apparently, it's Alix's brain on a vicodine and screwdriver high! Run for the hills! -runs off screaming, to be replaced by the announcer bunny from Between the Lions-

Bunny: The author told me to narrate. As if it wasn't bad enough she put me in Space Toast.. geeze! Uh, anyway, right. -clears throat-

Apocaroach and Mesmeroach, ever hopeful, sprang from the black hole.

What they saw scared the shit out of them. The sky was purple (I'm going to give a bunny to anyone who gets that ref ppl!), there were various bits and pieces of S&M-ish parefenalia (no, I don't know how to spell that either.. damn you wordpad!) scattered here and there, and there was a shrine to Quicksilver and Remy in the corner. It appeared to have recently been covered in whipped cream. There was Evenescance blasting in the background. What wasn't pink and fluffy was either black and creepy or covered in piercings and/or blood. (-Dr. Evil-ish laughter is heard-)

Apocaroach and Mesmeroach screamed like little girls. The sound of approaching footsteps was all it took. "BACK IN THE THING!" shouted Apocaroach with all his roachy might.

They sprang back in.

**Tune in next chappy for the ever-continuing "Journies of Apocaroach!"**

(Ok, seriously. That feature is on its last legs. I would use BTHC suggestions but I want to do that in Vegas. Speaking of Vegas, next chapter will feature the B-hood's exodus.. which like the Biblical and X-menical exoduses, will end in the desert. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!Uh, yeah. I would LOVE your suggestions. I know this chapter was short but my brains a tad fried. School. Evil school. And tomorrow I start Catechism. -Waves bye-bye to what was left of her sanity- Zany Quote: "I know that the wait is excrutiating but that's why we're here, to make your lives a living hell!" Ok, this one is too strange to not share A.S.A.P. Pat Sejack said this. PAT SEJACK. -gives the ppl a minute to wrap their minds around that. What? I just find it strange.)


	21. The Bhood's trip, or shortness and Chees...

Disclaimer: My friends, I own naught. But soon, all will be to naught, and then I will own all. But until then... -sighs-

(An: Well, I'm off the sugar high, the OC's are passed out in a heap, and all is well with the world. -grins smugly- Okie, responses: Di: ..Anyone can get drunk. You can't say anything because I saw that review you left Kate! -finger point- Or was it Clover... I don't remember. I was planning to send everyone to the casino, to see like some magic show or something and that's when Apocaroach would show up so yeah I'll use it. And it's -Darkened- Skye. You have to get it right, since you're the only one reading that story. Next, Alix: I was watching the Seether vid on Vh1.. god I love that site. It's so handy. Uh, anyway, I can't have alcohol for two reasons: 1, I can't even drive yet, so that takes all the fun out of it, and 2, my family has this thing about alcohol. My mother got drunk at a party once (she didn't know I knew) and she spent the rest of the next day throwing up. And she only had three beers. So my family tree has no resiliency to alcohol. I'll have Sam and Pie elope to Wisconsin! Kidding! I'll.. uh send them somewhere and have them have relations with an Elvis, will that pacify you? Goddamn, that's creepy. -edges away- My life's dream: To become really really drunk, go to Vegas with my best friends and marry an Elvis impersonater! Is that not amazing?! ...Yeah, I'm kind of sapped for ideas here. Uh, anyway, Purple sky: Evenescance. What song? Whoever guesses it gets a bunny! But it's not -just- a bunny, oh no you silly mortals you, if you guess it you get the -announcer- bunny! Anyone who guesses it will recieve the AB at the end of this fic. Hello bunny and flowers! -major hint hint hint- I'd give him to you right away, but he's kind of my narrator for now.)

WHERE WE LEFT OFF, THE B-HOOD DWELLING PLACE

The B-hood house -definitely- left something to be desired. It was falling apart, quite literally. Which was why everyone was -so- glad to get the hell outta Dodge. Or Bayville. Whichever you prefer.

So, at about 8:00 P.M. they got onto a bus, which would take them to a plane, which would, hopefully, take them to Vegas baby yeah!

A FEW HOURS LATER, ON THE PLANE SOMEWHERE OVER THE PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED DESERT

Wanda was growling faintly since Todd had gotten the seat next to her. As it turned out, little Toddles had ADHD, which meant that he had a five-second attention span, was very easy to get on a sugar high, and was basically extremely annoying. Now he was leaning on the back of Wanda's seat with his head quite close to her's and when he wasn't begging her for a kiss he was bouncing up and down. Wanda was not very happy. That was putting it lightly. Wanda was pissed off beyond belief and twitching. That was putting it strongly. She growled faintly and her hands began to glow blue. She threw a Hex-bolt at Todd, but he ducked and it reflected off the window. The pilot of the plane screamed in agony as the Hex-bolt hit his face. The plane technology turned on him and started to attempt to castrate him. The plane did not like this. It made a noise like an irate duck having sex and crashed into the desert, eerily close to where the X-men and the wierdo dimension hoppers were.

The B-hood crawled from the twisted burning wreckage, crawled on their hands and knees for three full days, draggin' along- Oh wait, this isn't Albuquerque, sorry.

What actually happened was they did crawl from the wreckage, but it was neither twisted nor burning. And they only had to go two feet before they ran into the X-men.

(An: Mwahahahahaha! Yet another cliffhanger!)

THE EVER-CONTINUING JOURNIES OF APOCALYPSE

Today, we're reporting from Lambaeu field, (I have no idea how to spell that.. I'm not worthy of the term Cheesehead. YES! -does a dance-) which, as everyone knows, is the home of the Packers. -dryly- Wahoo.

Apocaroach and Mesmeroach, ever hopeful, sprang from the black hole.

What they found was utterly abhorrent and reppellent. They were on a large green field, painted with white lines and numbers. At either side was a large tuning-fork-esque pole. Running down the field with a ball were a bunch of sweaty guys in tight short wearing helmets bearing the legends "Packers" and "Bears." In the stadium, which vaugely resembled the Roman Colloseum, there were fat guys. Lots of fat guys. With no shirts. There were many of them holding signs, and others with their faces and bodies painted the garish team colors. It was also extremely loud.

The roachy villains screamed in terror and jumped back in the hole.

**Tune in next time for "The ever-continuing Journies of Apocaroach" **

(I just couldn't resist that. The start of season I believe was this week. I found it utterly repellent. I hate football. (Not soccer, American football. The game where they throw a dead pig around and get payed far more then normal humans should for such a simple thing.) I'm sorry this was so short and stupid, but like most of my ideas for this, I did it on a whim, and kind of wrote myself into a corner. I know what happens when they get to Vegas, I just have to get them there first. Zany Quotes involving citrus: "When life gives you lemons, suck them." "When life gives you lemons, throw 'em back." "When life gives you lemons, clone 'em and make super lemons." "When life gives you oranges, eat them. Don't eat 'em all!")


	22. Finally, at Vegas, or a bit of randomnes...

Disclaimer: I own nuttin, nuttin at all, except the idea of what my teachers would do with wine coolers belongs to me, Heather, and Nicolette.

(An: -is pacing back and forth, and is quite mad- You replaced the schools milk supply! With WINE COOLERS?! Five-year-olds go to that school! Do you have ANY idea how much CHAOS you caused, hmm?!

Other OC's: -nod and chorus- Yes!

Jazz and Alistor: After all, pranks are only fun if you can see the results! -bob heads-

Daph: I didn't see anyt'in'. Dey pushed me out after I stole de milk. Do you realize how pat'etic it is dat all I have t'steal is MILK?!

Ky: I didn't see it either. -sniffs- They left me out.

M.A.: All right, I'll make a list, shall I? The kindegarteners only had a SIP each and they all passed out! And that went for the first and second-graders as well! The third, fourth, and fifth graders spent the rest of the day throwing up! And as for MY class.. -breaks off and shudders-

Ky and Daph: OOOOH, what happened?

M.A.: I managed to convince my friends Kitty and Noelle that the milk wasn't milk, and Kayla doesn't drink the milk anyway. And do you know what the rest of them did?!

-Alistor and Jazz fall to the ground, laughing too hard to speak, but Ky and Daph shake their heads solemnly-

M.A.: -is in all out rant mode- Matt and Jacob started running around the cafeteria, yelling, "NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA, MATT MAN!" over and over, interjected with, "GET THE INVISIBLE BOAT-MOBILE!" Alex, the greasiest guy in our school, started to hit on Kitty! (note: ETA, this is in no way a comment on you. The greasiest guy in our school really is named Alex. All of these people exist, and their names have not been changed. Ain't that fun?) -rants louder- Ben Perushek spent the rest of the day in the bathroom, doing God knows what with Sam and DJ, and Nicolette and Heather started singing at the top of their lungs! BADLY! And the teachers! Mrs. Heiman started strip-dancing on the teacher's table, Mr. Tomlin curled up inside his podium and took a nap, and Mrs. Nemitz attempted to teach us all drinking songs! Well, actually that last part wasn't so bad. But then she passed out too, and the entire building shook! And Mr. Channing and Mrs. Machechek (thats a phonetic spelling.. her real name has a z in it somewhere and that's all I know.) locked themselves in the teacher's lounge! For SIX hours! -screams- -takes a deep breath- Ok. Calm. Responses: Di: ...Ah. I like that idea. I will use it. I may tweak it to my evil purpouses though. BTHC: Did it literally make a noise like that? Believe me, it's alright. My compu goes wierd on me a lot. Although lately it's been quite normal... what does the Longview thing have to do with anything? Alix: Very good very good indeed! -claps- I'll send you the bunny sooner or later. First I have to pry him from the rats. I think Elvis is cool, in an old guy kind of way. But clowns are devil spawn. -nods-)

The driver of the plane went heat-crazy and ran off screaming about gorillas. Or he could've seen Hank, but same difference.

The BoM and X-men glared at each other warily. They didn't really trust each other, but they were both stuck in the middle of nowhere.

Lance and Scott ignored proper reason and started going at it, instead of compromising like proper leaders would have.

Everyone else ignored them and went and sat in the bus. (It hadn't crashed remember, just broke down.) The initial idea was an attempt to hotwire it. Todd went under the hood while Remy messed with the controls a bit. That didn't work. Logan and Hank, both expert mechanics, then attempted to fix it, which basically consisted of kicking the bus and yelling at it. As a last resort, Wanda, Logan, and Rogue glared at the bus. The bus was so terrified that it gave a cough and started up.

Everyone shrugged and drove off, leaving Lance and Scott behind. They didn't notice, they just went on trading punches and idiotic puns.

The rest of the trip to Vegas was quite uneventful, except for an incident with a large can of soda and a record player, which we won't go into.

The band arrived at Vegas. (Announcement: I just realized I left out one of the most important instruments in a band: keyboard! So from now on Tabby's on that.)

They grabbed their stuff, and headed into the hotel they were staying at. (I'm completely making up where they're playing, savvy?) It was called the Majestic, and it had a built-in casino with one of those large auditoriums where they have the concert-things.

The concert wasn't until the next day, and it was pretty late (almost midnight in fact), so they all headed for the hallway where their rooms were. As it turned out, the BoM's tickets took them to the same place.

The room alignment went like this:

Room #201: Rogue and Wanda.

Room #202: Remy and Pyro.

Room #203: Logan and Hank.

Room #204: Todd and Fred.

Room #205: Tabby and Amara.

Room #206: Bobby and Ray.

Room #207: Rob and Jamie.

Room #208: Kurt and Sam.

Room #209: Pietro and Piotr. (Don't ask about this one. It's just coincidence.)

Suite 210: In this room all the dimension hoppers were piled, along with Rahne, Jubilee, Kitty, and Ororo.

This was a very nice hotel, as it turned out. Since the BoM were contest winners and the X-men were entertainment, they got very cushy rooms. Each regular room had a large tv, two queen sized beds, a mini-bar with lots and lots of drinks and snacks, pay-per-view, and a table in the corner. The suite was basically a large room at the end of the hall with all these features, but bigger and with more beds.

A FEW HOURS LATER

By now, everyone, no matter what room number (except for 209, Petey had smashed the contents rather then face a drunk or hyper Pie), were quite drunk.

Wanda and Rogue were angsting about their pasts while eating pizza and complaining about the guys that were obsessed with them (Remy and Todd).

Remy was attempting to teach Pyro the finer points of thieving and sleight-of-hand, while Pyro was absently making fire Daphines belly dance across the table.

Logan and Hank were discussing everything from angst to Shakespeare to the positive effects of porn on the male mind.

Todd and Fred were having an eating contest. Three guesses who ended up passed out in a heap in the corner. That is one resiliant little Toad!

Tabby was trying to explain why pranks and rule-breaking were so fun to Amara. She wasn't having much success with the prim and proper princess though. (Alliteration will be the death of me.)

Bobby and Ray were showing off. If they were being charged for their stay, the damage expenses would have been unspeakable.

Rob was teaching Jamie Spanish.. or whatever language he happens to speak. Isn't he from Brazil?

Kurt and Sam were discussing how different Bayville and Vegas were from the countrysides they grew up in.

Pie was watching porn. Piotr had long since fainted from over-exposure and waaaay too much info from Pie.

In the suite, the girls were all quite drunk and hyper and were having fun making prank calls, gossiping about the boys, playing drinking games, watching chick flicks, or (in the case of Daph) stuffing all the amenities from the hotel into their suitcases.

THE EVER-CONTINUING JOURNIES OF APOCAROACH

Today we're reporting from Las Vegas! Yes, it is the final journey of our cockroachian villains. Now they will finally get to be villains again!

Apocaroach and Mesmeroach, ever hopeful, sprang from the black hole.

They were standing in a casino. There were bright lights and loud noises and pretty women everywhere. But they only had eyes for the doomsday device working one of the one-armed bandits. (That, I believe, is one of those machines where you pull the lever and it has the whole match-three-pics-to-win thing.)

It was -gasp- **Sue Anna** (tm)!

The cockroachy villains rushed over to her. They began jumping up and down, yelling at her and stuff. But, since they were cockroaches, they weren't very loud. So, **Sue Anna** (tm) was able to ignore them.

They went away broken super-villains.

That was, until they heard this. "Pssst, hey Apocaroach, want to take over the world and obliterate the X-men?"

(Yet another cliff-hanger! Wow, I'm getting kind of a streak here. Next chapter: We will meet the mysterious villain, and a number of copyright infringements and bad villain puns will be made! Mwa-hahahahaha!!! Zany Quote: "When you're six, most of your bingo balls are still floating around in the draw tank.")


	23. Band stuff, or funny junk with random vi...

Disclaimer: Marvel belongs to whoever Marvel belongs to. Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, I believe.

(An: Ok, you all might have figured out who the mystery villain is by now.. and if you haven't, well, then you're strange.

Jazz: Stranger then you?

M.A.: Would it kill you to keep your mouth shut once in a while?! Uh, but anyway: I have the next.. five chapters planned out, and then I think this'll be done! Are you not amazed? Or disappointed?

Jazz: The buggers don't care.

M.A.: -starts to twitch-

Jazz: You should really get that looked at.

M.A.: -growls faintly- I may as well do responses before I murder you. Cass: Oh, I is so happy! Of course, there's not that -much- competition... and nothing compares to TATDATXM. That story rocks out loud. And it looks like a bunch of roman numerals when you put it like that. BTHC: ...Ah. Ok. I'll use that, since everyone's going to be drunk and stuff. -grin- Di: I'm sorry but it's just about the only joke I can make with her.. so yeah. Oh yes, about the wine cooler thing: My friend Heather said the lunch menu was more like dinner at some resteraunt, except that they served milk. I suggested that they serve wine coolers, and that's how we got into that topic. What the teachers did was pretty much made up by her. Just needed to clear that up.)

LATER, THE NEXT DAY, AROUND 7:00 P.M.

The band was setting up for their big gig. Of course, they were only the opeing act, but hey, who cared about Britney Spears and Celine Dion. I certainly don't.

They went over quite well. After all the screaming teeny-boppers, blonde bimbos, thirty-year-old housewives, and vile fourty-year-old men got over the shock of having a -rock- band start for the ballad-singing European and the Pop Princess.. they went over quite well.

Especially considering how nice looking Rogue and Gambit were. (-nasty smile-)

But none of us are interested in that, now are we?

What you all _are_ interested in is what happened when they got drunk, no?

So the group (the band, the B-hood, and the hoppers) headed into the bar (which was in the casino) to get drunk, like they had so very very many times already in this story.

Now, most of them being underage, they weren't allowed to have _that_ much to drink. Being a "Special Guest" only gives you so many priveliges, you know.

The group was walking through the casino (perhaps staggering would be a better term) since the management had booted them from the bar. They were walking along, when Rogue spotted a little black box sitting alone and abandoned by the exit. "What's that?" she asked.

M.A. looked over at it. "Knowing me, it's an Arbitrarily Placed Plot Device (patent pending). It's either a power negater-" she was cut off as Rogue ran off to grab it, "Or it could be a BOMB!" she shouted, trying to catch Rogue's attention. "Knowing me, it's probably the former though."

"Why would it be a bomb?" asked Roberto, getting his only original line in this whole saga. "Got that right."

"Because I like to blow stuff up. But, considering the situation, it's most likely-" She was shut up by Rogue's scream of delight when she discovered that the little black box was indeed, a power negater. "Yep." M.A. nodded sagely.

But, there was a downside. As Rogue and the group staggered through the auditorium, a small figure jumped upon the stage. No, it was neither Apocaroach nor Mesmeroach, instead it was (-dramatic music plays-) INVADER ZIM!!!! With him was his robot servant, GIR, and Minimoose, which is basically a floatin' squeak toy shaped like a moose that is mini. (-does Invader Zim-esque evil laughter- Sorry, just couldn't resist! Invader Zim is absolutely wonnerful, IMHO, anyway.)

It was then that Apocaroach and Mesmeroach came on the stage. Invader Zim had used his Urkian (is that how you spell it? I haven't seen the show in -years-.) technology to make them larger. (Funny how he can't do that himself. See, his arcane alien race judge rank with height. Zim is the shortest, and he's loyal to "The Almighty Tallest", savvy?)

"Ah, the X-men, my old foes. So we meet again," said Mesmeroach.

The X-men and the B-hood nodded warily at them. The hoppers just stood off to the side looking stupid and placing bets on the outcome.

Now, since I feel like resurrecting an old running joke, and since Apocaroach has regained his stature (if not his form), he will be speaking as he had been. Apocaroach stepped forward. "**_Now on with the business of the killing. Perhaps I should provide us with some,_** " he pulled a lever and a gigantic, stage-filling lightbulb came up. "**_Iluminaaation._**"

"You're going to kill us with a lightbulb?!" asked Rogue and several others we don't care about incredulously.

M.A. sighed and shook her head. "The bad villain puns just write themselves, don't they."

Apocaroach turned to her. "**_Yes, well, I don't get payed if I don't make a few a story, you know. And now back to the killing._**"

"Yes, but you're not getting payed at all!" said M.A.

"**_Petty details!_** " said Apocaroach, flapping a hand. He pulled the lever back farther and the lightbulb turned on.

"Now how is this supposed to kill us again?" asked Rogue, tapping her foot.

"**_You will roast at the hands of 'The Lightbulb of DOOOOOMM!!!!!'_**" shouted Apocaroach.

Now, as anyone who's ever used an Easy Bake oven or something similar may know, lightbulbs don't cook things fast. At best, they can roast marshmellows after about an hour or so. (I'm not exaggerating. While the substances the oven produced were tempting and delicious.. they took two hours minimum to bake usually.) Give Apocaroach and Mesmeroach _some_ credit though, won't you? I mean, they've been turned into bugs. Their brains were small enough as it was, but now they're smaller then a pebble, probably. (Not that differentiates from the normal size.. but yeah.) And plus, they were bugs. Bugs roast on my lightbulbs all the time. (As I write this, all I must do to offer proof is to look up. The flourescent light above my head is littered with them. Quite creepy.) So that added an extra level of fear and quasi-sanity. For them, anyway.

The X-men just shrugged at each other. Ray walked up, and getting his only cameo in this as well, zapped out the source, shorting the bulb out. "Why don't I get a better cameo, huh?" he asked, poking M.A. in the chest.

She backed off. "Dude, I'm a girl. You're not supposed to poke me there." She sighed. "And there's the subtle innuendo joke for the chapter."

"How was that subtle?" asked Alix.

"In my sick mind, that's what passes for subtle, ok? And now there's going to be a spit-take joke. God, I'm so predictable!"

Kitty patted her on the back. "Yep, ya are," she said, shaking her head. M.A. glared at her and Kitty sprang back. "Don't hit me!" (Sorry Kit, just couldn't resist. I smack anyone who says something I feel is out of line.. it's like the fact that I bash anything I can reach with my mallet.)

She growled faintly. "Urge to kill... rising..." She smacked her forehead. "And there it is folks, the obligatory spit-take joke!" (The reason why I bash myself so much: My bashing-mallet is a vicious thing. It thirsts for bashing-ness. When it cannot reach a target.. it often turns on me.)

Meanwhile, up on stage, the villains were getting a tad bored. They understood however that the author need her precious spit-takes and bashing to live, live I tell you! Ahem. (Reviews are just an addiction I have. I don't need them to live, I just need them for my overall well-being.)

But anyway, GIR in particular was bored. (Zim and Minimoose understood that injokes had to be made so the author could be sated.) The little blue and white robot rocked back and forth on his heels and hummed to himself, something like this, "Doo do doo, do doo do do doo doo do!" He got bored with this quite quickly though, and started dancing around the stage, singing what he called, "The Doom song."

Alie blinked. "What's with the robot?" she asked.

M.A. shrugged, since she was the only one who had ever watched that show. "I heard that he was made from spare parts and a frozen yogurt machine. What do you expect, Einstein?"

"Good point."

Invader Zim, seeing that the author was done, snapped out of his trancelike state and pulled another lever. "Now it's MY turn!" he shouted and laughed evilly.

"Your turn for what?"

"To try and kill you, of course," said Zim in a patient "Duh" tone. He tugged a bit more on the lever and a gigantic ball with a long, thick, plastic finger came out of a platform in the floor.

"You're going to kill us. With a _finger_," said Logan, blinking. There was a group blink, and then everyone burst into laughter.

"Do not LAUGH at the device!" shouted Zim, waving his arms around. "You will BOW to Urkian might, pitiful Earthlings!"

Minimoose squeaked in agreement.

"What are you going to do," asked M.A., gasping for breath, "_poke_ us to death?!"

"Why, yes, we are," said Mesmeroach.

"It will be a Poke of DOOOMM!" shouted Zim.

"What is it with you people and the 'of doom' thing?" asked Ororo. She was slightly pissed off, since she couldn't get to her mini-bar and get properly drunk

"Adding an 'of Doom' can make anything sound cool," said Zim, and Minimoose and GIR nodded with him.

"Well, that is true," said Hank, getting a pointless cameo of his very own.

Zim shook himself. "But that is not the POINT! On with the Poking of Doom.. uh, ing!" He pressed a button on a remote that appeared out of nowhere (like the levers, it is a good example of _deus ex machina_, which is Latin for, "Stupid-ass plot device that appears out of nowhere.") which.. for fear of an inevitable pun, got the ball rolling.

The ball rolled towards them. However, it was quite slow and everyone just stepped out of its way. The giant finger got broken off when it tangled with the seats, if you wanted to know.

"Well, that didn't work," said Zim sadly. Minimoose gave a deflated kind of squeak, and GIR just changed into his dog costume and started running around yelling, "I'm a weasal! I'm a weasal! WHEEEE!" (This is paraphrased from an actual episode.)

Apocaroach sighed. "**_Well, I guess we'll have to go for the dumb-ass approach._** " He pulled a lever and atrapdoor appeared beneath where Rogue, Remy, and Logan were standing. " **_That was lacking in all finesse. I feel so dirty._** "

Just then **Sue Anna** (tm) appeared. She looked as pissed as she could look.. which wasn't much. She growled loudly (in her mind anyway) and turned Ky into a hawk for no apparent reason. She held up a sign. "Go, kill and peck out people's eyeballs!" it proclaimed.

Ky!hawk gave a hawky shrug and went over and started eating Mesmeroach. Apocaroach attempted to get while the getting was good, but **Sue Anna** (tm) turned him into a snail. Ky!hawk paused in her Mesmeroach-eating to snap up Apocasnail. Darn, just doesn't have the same ring to it!

Now, I bet you're probably wondering what happened to Romy and Logan. We'll get to them. After all, what else are next chappys for?

(Is that not an amazing chapter? ...No? Oh well. Anyway, the next chapter: Romy and Logan's amazing adventure, or more fun with plumbing! Now, here's an idea I have: I'm considering starting an American Mcgee's Alice (a computer game)/ X-men crossover. What say ye, yay or nay? (yay means yes, btw.) Basically it'd just consist of dropping Remy and Rogue (and possibly Kitty and Kurt) into the Alice world. Zany Quote: "Friends, Romans, countryman, lend me your ears!" -rabbit walks up, shrugs- "Okay." -takes ears off head and hands them to speaker-)**_  
_**


	24. Romy and Logan's amazing adventure, or f...

Disclaimer: I own neither Marvel or the Tenth Kingdom. Why does the world torture me like this, WHY?!

(An: I'm worried about Ky.

Ali: Why?

M.A.: Because she's sitting in a corner going "Tweet tweet" and laughing evilly to herself. Isn't that reason to worry?

Ali: Good point. I'll go tell Jazz to let her off. -walks off-

M.A.: ... What? -blinks- -shakes head- I'll never understand them. Alix: ... You expect me to know these things? I have no smartness, sai! I know lots of random things, like a goldfish's memory is three minutes.. Mayleen: I do that a lot. I miss "Aracnophobia." That made -me- laugh really hard. Di: Hey, I'm proud o' that chapter! The jokes were actually thought out instead of utterly random! -meh- Uh, but anyway, this one should be better. Maybe you just didn't like the whole bit with Invader Zim? Heh heh heh. This chapter should be chock-full of... -trails off and blinks-

Jazz: -walks by, dragging an inconceivably large mallet-

M.A.: . . . I'm going to ignore that. I never saw that. My sanity does not need it. -sad eyes- I really would like feedback on whether or not do do that cross-over ppl... that just proves that nobody reads my blather. -sniffs- Ok, but anyway, this should have a lot of Romy stuff in it. It'll have some Tenth Kingdom jokes, since I like that movie, and I simply could not resist a talking frog. -grins- But first, we need a run-down of what our other chars are doing, don't we? -growls- I really would like it if you ppl on FFN would REVIEW before putting me on your favorites list! I enjoy feedback and this is severly ticking me off! I wish to kill something.)

After the disappearance of this stories main-chars-sort-of-anyway, the X-group wandered off to do X-group things.

Ororo and Hank got quite drunk and ending up locking themselves in a janitor's closet for the rest of the night.

The human dimension hoppers disappeared for a few hours and returned with a bunch of drag-queens and an Elvis impersonater, who Alix kept edging away from, for some strange reason.

Jazz and Alistor and Pyro and Daphine had locked themselves in the suite. Nobody came to clean it the next day, that's all I know.

Sam and Pie got married, as did Kurt and Pyth. (It involved a lot of duct tape.)

The guys (except for Todd) all got drunk at the bar and started doing an impromptu performance of "Grease" on the stage.

**Sue Anna **(tm) returned Ky to her normal state. She then started bouncing around the rooms because someone mentioned that they thought Scott and Lance were in Longview, WA.

Wanda and Todd spent the day in the casino, hopping from machine to machine as to not make them suspicious. Wanda used her powers to make herself win every time, of course. Todd just hopped along to carry her stuff.

Jean had gotten herself kicked out of Nevada since she attempted to hit on several policemen. She got dumped in the same desert as Scott and Lance.

Kitty, Jubes, Rahne, and Amara did this "Become A Showgirl" program. They went back to the rooms quite a bit richer then before.

Piotr participated in a male model contest, thanks to Tabby. He won, not surprisingly.

A bunch of people kept thinking that Jamie was a male hooker since he was running around in his uniform. Needless to say, he was quite confused by that. (Think, "Bobby, what's a hooker?" "Bobby, what are Miss Ororo and Mr. McCoy doing?")

But you people don't really care about that.

If I'm correct, all you people care about is what the hell Remy, Rogue, and Logan are doing.

As it turned out, the trapdoor dropped them into a series of tunnels not unlike the ones the Morlocks lived in. "Owwww," said Remy and Rogue in unison as they landed on the ground.

Logan didn't say anything. Due to his superiour reflexes and healing powers he had already recovered and was searching for a way out.

He sniffed the air. "Follow me," he said, walking off down a tunnel. Remy and Rogue shrugged at each other and followed.

After a number of complicated twists and turns, they ended up at a small room. There were three ways out, the way they came in, and two doors. The doors were unmarked and exactly alike. Logan wasn't sure which one led aboveground. After a lot of sniffing, cursing, and pacing, Logan admitted it: "I don't know which one to take."

Remy and Rogue hadn't been that much attention to him. They were too busy trying to figure out where an annoying croaking sound was coming from.

Logan walked over to them. They were looking around the room every time the croak sounded. "Where is that coming from?!" asked Rogue exasperatedly.

"Over there," said Logan, pointing at a small pile of straw in the corner. Sitting on it was a large green toad. He croaked occasionally.

"Ribbit," said the frog. "Down here. Ribbit. It's me, the professor."

"What?!" asked all three of the others in unison.

"Ribbit. I'm projecting t'rough dis body." It was at this moment that the travelers noticed the frog had a Jamaican accent.

"What's wit' de accent?" asked Remy.

"I'm projecting through a **frog**. What do you expect, Shakespeare? And you can't really talk, considerin' how much de author overplays your accent. Ribbit."

"What you got to say, Chuck?" asked Logan, pacing back and forth.

"Dis. Ribbit ribbit." The frog cleared it's throat. "One door leads to safety, one door leads to a horrible death. Ribbit."

"Oh oh!" shouted Remy. "I learned dis in school but I can never remember it!"

"You learned this in school?!" asked Rogue.

"Theives need to know dese t'ings," replied Remy with a shrug.

"Ribbit. You may ask me one question," said Professor!frog, "but I always lie."

"So if we ask him which door is safe-" said Rogue.

"Well then he'll lie and say it's the other one!" said Remy. "Is that it?"

"I don't know!" said Rogue.

Meanwhile, Logan had gotten pissed. He walked over and picked up the frog. "Alright bub! What is the deal here?! I mean, what is the point of having a door with a horrible death behind it, huh?!"

"Get your hands off me!" shouted Profrog.

Logan ignored him and started walking towards the doors, still holding the frog, staring at him furiously. The frog looked as though he might pop. "What is the purpouse of your life?! Just to be a pain?!!?"

"What are you doing?!" shouted Profrog.

Logan ignored him and took the frog in one hand. The frog squealed in indignation, "Don't touch me dere! Only my girlfriend touches me dere!!" Logan ignored him more and pitched the frog through the door. "Whoa!"

Logan growled and turned away. He walked three steps, then stopped abruptly as the door behind him rocked with the force of a fiery explosion.

Remy and Rogue blinked. "Well, I guess it's the other one," said Remy with a shrug. Logan blinked and then joined Remy and Rogue as they walked through the right door.

There was a bit more walking, then they came up on the surface, and were blinded by the lights of the Vegas strip. Rogue stumbled, and leaned on Remy.

And now for my usual condensed version of what happened next.

As usual, there is waaaay too much red tape and drunken madness to go through, so here's the basic summary:

Logan led Romy to a bar where he had "connections."

The "connections" turned out to be a bunch of showgirls that worked at the bar.

They got Remy and Rogue (who were by the time quite drunk) a cheap wedding (with an Elvis, no less!), and escorted them back to the hotel.

Wanda was forced to take Remy and Pyro's room that night.

THE NEXT MORNING

Rogue yawned as she woke up. Remy was still asleep. Rogue gazed up at the ceiling, her look imploring. "Why do the gods of fanfiction do this to me, huh, huh?!" She burst into tears. _The author will die. Sooner or later._

Rogue looked around. _Perhaps I can hide, pretend this never happened?_

Then Remy woke up.

There was quite a bit of screaming and sheet-grabbing, and much much embarassment.

There was even more when the frog came crawling out from beneath a pillow, muttering about wolves and wicked queens.

After the shock wore off, Remy and Rogue agreed to pretend that this never happened. Logan hopefully wouldn't remember, and if he did, a good bash to the head and a zap would take care of that.

Hopefully, anyway.

As for Profrog, he agreed not to punish them for it as long as they didn't talk about his "girlfriend" or what happened with the doors.

So that whole thing got sorted out, and all was well with Rogue's world. Or at least it would be as soon as she killed the traitorous author.

(Sorry this chapter was so late.. and such crap, but this was a bit tricky to write. School's been working it's evil magic on my mind, making me slow. Now, about the whole frog thing: If you haven't guessed, it's a joke from the Tenth Kingdom. I'm going to do a parody of it after I finish this, and Remy and Rogue will be Wolf and Virginia... god, I'm so obsessed. Anyway, I really would like feedback on the whole crossover thing.. it would make me feel so much better about it if I knew someone would be reading it. Zany Quote: "This is the call of the North American Squee Bird: SQUEE!" This quote is most effective if you say it near someone's ear.)


	25. Back to the mansion, or funny crap!

Disclaimer: What is this 'Marvel?' I don't understand. Marvel me no owny.

(An: Where has everyone gone? Not the OC's, everyone on EE. Nobody's updated, nobody's reviewed. It's like a ghost town here! BTHC: I'm glad SOMEONE found it funny. Curiouser and curiouser! I added that last chapter last night on both sites.. and it didn't show up on EE. WTF??? -is confuzzled- Oh well. Waitaminute... -rereads Di's last review- I have a usual standard? Why was I not informed of this?! JAZZ!

Jazz: What?

M.A.: -frantic- Why didn't you tell me I have a standard to live up to! Now I have to ascribe to a higher form of humor! DO you know what this MEANS?!

Jazz: No, what?

M.A.: I'm actually going to have to THINK while writing a chapter! GALLS AND FIREBLIGHT! FEWMETS! -insert any other obscure angry phrases here-

Jazz: You mean you don't?

M.A.: Of course not! How else could I create such tastless, politically incorrect crap as I do?! ANSWER ME THAT!

Jazz: Jeez, calm down. It's not like anyone's aware of what this standard is, anyway. Only Di is, and it's SO easy to murder one person... -evil laughter-

M.A.: I can't kill Di! She's one of my reviewers!

Jazz:... So?

M.A.: SO, as a writer, I love all my reviewers! They are the reason I don't shrivel up and die! (well that and sugar of course.)

Jazz: You confuse me. -edges away-)

AROUND NOON

The group had gathered in the casino. Wanda had earned about two mil in the casino before she got kicked out, and she had spent a good bit of it on buying them an Elvis's private jet to get them out of there.

So they all piled into the jet. Ky was still hyper because everyone thought that Lance and Scott were in Longview, WA, until Hank pointed out that the desert they'd dropped them in was nowhere near there. Then Ky calmed down.

When they flew over the desert, they discovered that Scott and Lance were still going at it, despite the fact that Lance's head was literally throbbing and that Scott was buried in a pile of sand up to his nose.

They got Lance well enough, but when they tried to get Scott, he and Jean got sucked into a temporal disturbance caused by the creation of Apocaroach, and got dumped into a cavern full of sharp knives, Barry Manilow music, outlets to hell, and underground aliens, mole people, and Barry Manilow enthusiasts. (Had to get SOME Jott-bashing in there.) After a fun-filled trip through there and several levels of hell, they reappared on the jet, pretty much dead.

Not all of the way dead of course, I'm not that cruel, although they did have a few minor demons clinging to them and sucking away their souls. But no one cares about them!

Towards the front of the jet, everyone else was trying to figure out how to tell the professor about the band. Somehow, he had yet to find out, even though the frog had been present at the hotel. Just lucky we suppose.

Hank, Logan, and Ororo were twitching sporadically. Rogue had "Borrowed" Jean's powers earlier to make it so they couldn't tell about the band. They were having... problems dealing with the strain on their brains, hence the twitch-twitch-twitch, twitchety twitchety twitch. (My nickname in seventh grade was "Twitch." Dark, dark times. Jazz: Wasn't that just last year?)

Since I highly doubt anyone's reading this, I'll put this here: I like cheese. I don't like eggs. Surfboards have little things called skegs. I like explosions and things like that, so say hello to my pet cat. -cat waves- Now that I've got that out of my system..

Anyway, they were almost back (it was a FAST jet) and they still hadn't come up with a reasonable excuse to have gone to Vegas. "Perhaps we could pretend it never happened?" suggested Alistor.

"No," said Rogue, "the private jet and the demons from the third circle of hell that are clinging to Scott and Jean are a dead giveaway."

"Yo," said the demons, and went back to soul-sucking.

"Oh, right," said Alistor, nodding.

"Ok, then how about we act like the giveaways are normal and THEN pretend it never happened?"

"Hmm, good, but it still might not work," said Rogue, frowning.

"I say we just give the professor his pokemon!" said Kurt, sticking his finger in the air.

There was silence in the jet. "Did Kurt just.. come up with a good idea?!" asked Kitty, blinking.

"Vhat? VHA-AT?!" asked Kurt.

"We'll go with that," said Rogue and Remy in unison.

ABOUT AN HOUR LATER, THE MANSION

As soon as the jet landed, Magnus and Charles came out of the mansion, looking P.O'ed, one flying, one wheeling.

"Where have you all been?!" asked Magnus, waving his arms around. The jet lept back into the air. "Oops!" he said. The jet landed.

The barf bags were all quickly used up.

"We were worried sick!" snapped Charles.

All the teenagers (except for Jott, since the soul-sucking had finally taken effect) replied, "Do you think WE care?"

"EVERYONE IN THE WAR ROOM!" shouted Charles, sticking his finger in the air. However, this overbalanced the wheelchair and he fell in a heap on the ground. "..Medic. AND THEN GO TO THE WAR ROOM!"

(Sorry this was such crap.. the whole "I have a standard to live up to" is wrecking my sanity. -sniffs- I'll never know.. -sobs quietly-

Jazz: -pats her on back- It's ok, Di had no way of knowing this would wreck your sanity like this.

M.A.: My goodness, that was redundant. Zany Quote: "Don't complain about the few strands of broken lights on that thing. It was in even worse shape a few years back. There were entire sections covered in white tarp with the words "PICTURE THIS LIT UP AND PRETTY" scrawled upon it in ketchup. We have a situation of Comparative Babylon, and for the first time in all my years of coming here, I was able to walk in the vicinity of the Ferris Wheel without having someone spit on my head.")


	26. More final thoughts, or quotes involving...

Disclaimer: ..Since this is the last chapter, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!! WHEE!!!!

(An: Well, technically speaking, this is the last chapter of this madness. There's going to be one more after this, but that's just credits and deleted scenes and all that nice junk. So-o, the OC's are partying because they finally get to go home and bug their creators.. ain't that great?

Jazz: What about me? I don't get to leave!

M.A.: That's your problem! Everyone else is shellin' out! WEHAY!!! -goes off to party-

Jazz: -sighs-

M.A.: -returns a few minutes later with several cans of MD- Responses.. hmm lessee: Di: Alice IS cool -nods-. I only want to write it because I feel deprived of Cheshire/Alice stuff, which makes me sad. And because the game is bloody AWESOME! ..Oooh! That sounds cool! I'll help, yep yep I will! Wolfie: Jeez girl, take a breath alreadah! That's not healthy! EE'ers.. for some reason the last chapter wouldn't load last night. I tried four times then and this morning the document seems to have disappeared. Soooo sorry but you must check it out under EE's Skysong on FFN.. I know, it sucks. There's a bit of Jott bashing and soul-sucking demons in it! Come on, pleaaase? Let's end this, shall we?)

So, after the professor recieved proper medical care.. and stopped twitching so much, he confronted the group about the band. Yes, he knew.. somehow. And yes, he was P.O'ed.

He was so P.O.'ed in fact that his head looked like you could fry an egg on it, and there was a tic going under his left eye.

"You really should get that looked at, professor-head," said M.A. "I left a twitch like that go and I had it for about three months. Not pretty." She nodded solemnly.

"Grrrr..." said the professor, who was twitching all over now.

"Actually, it was more like that," said Kitty.

M.A. cocked her head to one side. "Yeah, you know, you're right."

"SHUT UP!" screamed the professor. "You guys disobeyed me! Is that good?!!!!!" No one responded. "NO NO, YOU SILLY MONKEY PEOPLE, NO!" He pounded his fists on the armrests of his chair. "THE X-BAND IS DEAD! CAPUT! FINITO! NO COMPRENDE, SENHORR!"

There was a group blink, then everyone in the room said, "Yes professor-head."

"AND STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!!" There was now a large pulsing vein sticking out in the professor's head.

Ororo sighed and walked over to the professor and wheeled him out, saying, "Now let's get you calmed down before you have an annuerism, hmm?"

Since I did it in the last chapter of the original, let's see what everyone's thinking, shall we?

Logan: _Rodna, Rodna, wherefore art thou Rodna? Maybe the power of my LOVE will call her back to me! All you need is love! _

Ororo: _-mental twitch- Foot-long hotdogs.. why does the author DO this to me?! _

Hank: _The penguins are coming to eat me.. they've eaten Shakespeare and now they want me... AAAAHHHH!... Why do I smell like shaving cream and Ororo's perfume?_

Professor X: _Goddammit, where's my tinfoil hat?! I need my tinfoil hat! They're reading my mind again!!!!_

Kurt: _Please don't let the author hear me.. I don't want to go back to her basement.. but I need AMANDA!!!! _

Kitty: _Man this sucks.. the author is a Kurtty shipper.. my life is a living hell. _

Jean: _-mental (and literal) drool..........- _

Scott: _-ditto.....- _

Rogue: _I hate my life.. sadistic authors, stupid (but sexy) swamp rats, angsty crap, when does it END?! Huh, HUH?! _

Ray: _Stupid pointless cameos.. stupid Rob... Stupid authors.. stupid LIFE!_

Rob: _Stupid pointless cameos.. stupid Ray... Stupid authors.. stupid LIFE! _

Sam: _WHY won't the author write a me/Rahne pairing? WHY?! And why do I get such stupid thought-processes?! _

Bobby: _...... -whooshing noise- _

Amara: _Why does the author hate me? Hmm? That's all I'd like to know. Is that too much to ask? _

Jamie: _-elevator music, interspersed with "What's a hooker?"- _

Jubilee: _God, Logan's hot... why am I thinking that? I really need to stay away from the Jack Daniels. _

Rahne: _Why does the author repeat so many of her jokes? Uh.. I mean.. must protect pack! _

Lance: _What does the author have against me? I've never done anything but love Kitty! The author sez no no, but I sez yes yes. _

Fred: _Blob smash! _

Wanda: _Why does the author have all these pairings for me and Pyro? None of them make sense! I've only met Pyro once before, and I LOATHE Todd... Wait.. is that Magneto?! -THE RAGE- _

Todd: _Mmm... flies... mmm.... birds... mmm... Wanda... _(Now here's the part where I'd slap duct tape over his mouth and drag him away due to bad thoughts.. but why in HELL would I want Toad?)

Tabby: _What was the point of putting me in here? I barely got ANYTHING! Heck, what was the point of putting me in Evo in the first place?! _

Magnus: _Maybe I can just edge out of here before Wanda sees me.. please?_

Pietro: _-ditto- _

Piotr: _Why am I on the X-men again? ...Oh right, Ilyana! That's it! _

Remy: _Why does the author ship Romy? Why can't she fix me up with someone nice.. like a potted plant?_

Pyro: _Come on baby light my fire! FIRE?! Burn burn burrrrrrn!!!! _

M.A.: _Why am I writing down what I'm thinking? I already know... _(Yes, indeed, why am I?)

Katie: _-several songs are playing at once- This'll show these stupid telepath people! _

Alie: _Oh my god Pyro's so HOT!!! And so is Remy.. mmm... You know, now that I've met Daph, I should probably get back to my stories.. hmm... NAH! _

Alix:_ My god, this was fun! Now I'll actually know what it looks like when Sam and Pie mack!_

Jazz: _If the author dislikes me so much, why am I in all her stuff? _

Alistor: _If you think about, nobody really likes me. In the stories I'm an annoying Gary Stu that's everywhere, and in the figment part of my existance, I annoy and blow things up.. Cool! _

Daphine: _Does dis mean dat I have to go back to my miserable existance in OC Limbo? I doan wanna!! It scary dere! _

Ky: _Longview WA.. why does this hold such meaning for me??? Never mind! I have no time for this! I must get out of here and cleanse the smell of good from me!!! _As we watched, Ky ran off screaming about sacrilige and stuff. (Jazz: Sacrilige stick! M.A.: -growls- What in the world is a bloody sacrilige stick?!)

But anyway..

Pythona: _Do doo do, da da da... I wonder, will my author ever stop beating around the bush with me and Kurt?_

Sam: _I need to kill my author.. really I do. It's just penance for killing me, after all. _

"Well, we've had the final thoughts part," said Rogue. "What now?"

"We wait for the Plot Device, of course," replied M.A.

A FEW MINUTES LATER

"Well?!" asked Rogue.

"Wait for it.."

Suddenly, a large portal appeared and sucked all of the dimension hoppers back to wherever they came from.

Rogue dusted off her hands. "I think I speak for everyone when I say thank god that's over."

Everyone else in the room chorused "Amen sister."

"Stop talking in unison like that," said Rogue. "Seriously, it's creepy."

FAAAR, FAAAR AWAY, THE SEWERS

Evan panted and leaned against a wall. "Finally, away from that goddamn alliga-"

"EVAN!" shrieked Jem.

"AUGH!" And with that Evan ran off screaming.

EVEN FARTHER AWAY, SOME OBSCURE PRIVATE ISLAND

**Sue Anna** (tm) sighed and stretched out on her beach chair. _Finally, the madness is over. Apocalypse and Mesmero are being digested, and I'm in the most restful place in the world. _

She held up a sign reading, "Slaves!"

Rodna, Rondey, and all their little hamster children came scurrying over to where **Sue Anna** (tm) was sitting. She held up another sign. "Fetch me a drink, slaves. And some of those waffles."

HALFWAY ACROSS THE UNIVERSE, APOCA..WHATEVER HE IS'S **SECRET CLOSET LAIR** (TM)

Apocalypse and Mesmero had been returned to their normal forms by the gods of fanfiction.

They were both quite relieved.

However, they were NOT relieved about where the sadistic said gods had sent them.

They were stuck in a white room, where a large purple dinosaur-ish thing was dancing around and singing. One of the walls was a screen, which was playing a loop of Dallas, Passions, Dynasty, and -insert other crappy shows here- reruns.

There was also Barry Manilow music playing through the speakers when the dinosaur collapsed from lack of oxygen from time to time.

(So that was that! The X-band part Deuce! -insert corny saying here- Next chapter will just be a wrapup, as I've mentioned. Zany Quote: "Please sir," Eowyn begged. "I am in great unrest, and I cannot lie longer in sloth." The Warden blinked and stared at the crazy woman before him. "Does it look like I give a flying rat's arse about your unrest? But I can give you a sloth, if you'd like," the Warden took a furry South American mammal out of his Jansport hiking backpack and shoved it into Eowyn's arms. "I hope that satisfies your sexual needs.")


	27. Deleted scenes and ripoffs

Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one mentioned here.

This is basically just a nice long AN fixing up some things. Let's get at it, shall we?

Di: ..What the hell are you talking about? No comprende, senhorrita. And yes, I am aware that I'm insane.

ETA: WTF?!? You're getting married to that guy A.J. or whatever.. right? Not that chick? And anyway, it's not ALL gone, it'll return sooner or later. Right now it's in the form of "Space Toast" (which is now on FFN being reworked into prose form). And what have I told you about swearing?!

Credits:

Author: Skysong, A.K.A. M.A. (CHEAP SHOT!)

Cast: Reread this if you don't know.

Special thanks to: Everyone who reviewed and let me use an OC.

We'll take the ripoffs chapter by chapter as to avoid confusion, shall we?

Chapter 1, Bored Stiff, or Why Jean is Dumb:

"If you say anything you aren't supposed to, the author will duct-tape your mouth shut and lock you in her basement! There are rats in there! Big, dead ones!" Two for one ref! The duct-tape/basement thing is a joke from the last chapter of the original. The dead rats thing is from the "Sideways Stories from Wayside School." Yes, it's wierd and obscure I know. But it's funny at least.

And that's it, surprisingly.

Chapter 2, Sk8ters are Dumb, or Italics Rock!

"Doom on you!" It's what the dodos say in Ice Age. God I love that movie!

"Catch the snack!" Emperor's New Groove reference. Meant to be said in a condescending way.

Not many here either.

Chapter 3, At Apocalypse's Lair, or Fun With Italics!

"Somewhere in Egypt." ..Technically Apocalypse lived in Tibet. Somehow I got the idea for a while there that he lived in Egypt. Go figure.

The things Sue Anna are made from I won at a carnival. I thought it might be funny, making this a doomsday device.

Sam was another guy that got duct-taped and thrown in my basement, remember?

In case you didn't notice, a running joke with Apocalypse is that he tends to call people derisive nicknames until he thinks they've done something cool.

In the comics, Forge built a doomsday device for Mags and he gave him Canada. Very obscure.

Chapter 4, More Apocalypse or Brainwashing Stinks!

"THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS-" As if you don't know what this is quoting.

Did anyone else notice how much time there was between "Mindbender" and "Under Lock and Key?"

Gutbomb Burger is the Evo equivalent of McDonalds or Burger King. Duh.

Silly Meal: Happy Meal. Also Duh. Also, it's from Garfield.

Tiny Spiny Babies: Teeny Beanie babies. Make the connections already!

No, I don't get the thing with Sue Anna and the back-and-forth thing either. Go figure.

Chapter 5, Morlock Torture is an Art Form, or Sue Anna's Day of Fun!

Torpid can't speak.

Potter Puppet Pals is an animation featuring, you guessed it, Harry and friends as puppets. Hilarious. Just add www and a .com to that and you'll have the website.

Everyone should read Krac's fics. If you haven't.. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Caliban and his alligator: A sidefling to a ToddFan fic where Warren's alligator Cookie bonds with Caliban. Everyone should go read Toddfan's fics. If you think MY fics make you laugh...

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and BRIIIIIGHT!" A ref to the movie Anger Management. God, I love that movie. Adam Sandler and whoever that old guy is duking it out.

I don't know where I picked up the whole "Caliban hisses when he talks" thing. Toddfan, prolly. I read her stuff when I'm stuck for ideas.

"Caliban ran off ssssscreaming." I don't know if anyone noticed that. I just couldn't resist it.

"Even if we could understand de accent." Remy's statement is ironic, since I overplay his accent so much.

The running jokes about the chars knowing that they're in a fic is referred to as "breaking the fourth wall." The fourth wall is what keeps the chars from knowing they're in a show, fic, ect. It's FUN to break the fourth wall.

I have no idea how Sue Anna could drink anything. It's one of those comedic things.

Jott's children are all time-travelers. Cable is the more famous one, but their daughter.. oh don't even get me started on her. (for one thing I don't remember it all, it was THAT confusing.)

Chapter 6, Logan's Tortured Soul, or I Ship LoganRodna.

(And the annoying cretin known as Evan) Cretin is a cool world.

"Instead of poking their heads out of the nearest manhole to find out their locations, like, oh say, SANE people." The X-men never do anything the easy way. Just something I've noticed.

"Evan! Shut up!" "Do you really want to end up in her basement?!" Still more Kurt & Sam paranoia.

"Moving!" squeaked Evan. There are a few Evan/Rogue pairings out there ppl. God, it's so scary. And sick, and wrong, and any other adjectives that fit the situation.

"And considering that she has just added you in and is being decent to you, you're going to end up dieing after being tortured by someone you care about.." I was decent to Jott at the beginning of the original, did anyone notice that?

"See, Evan, now we're reallah in for it 'cause the author's overplayin' mah accent.." Whenever I overplay someone's accent, it's a sure sign something stupid will happen. Try saying that five times fast.

Jott never seems to figure out that I wish to kill them. They just keep going and going.

A.K.A. stalling banter. I like doing banter.

My cats kill rabbits all the time... it's terrifying how they sound, really.

"It's been dumbed down quite a bit." I wanted to see the Evo version of the Pheonix saga only to know how they would dumb it down so the age groups could understand it.

"It jus' somebody singin'." I've heard Cajun singing. It's terrible. I only understood the word bayou.. which was used about fifteen times, by my count.

I like Wierd Al. I think he's cool.

"..About a minute after Gambit spoke." Being drunk slows people's reaction time, usually. Just wanted to point that out.

"Yoah bein' pretty articulate." Usually what I have Logan say makes no sense.. and anyway, he's smashed beyond belief, remember?

"We drinkin' buddies, 'member?" Logan and Remy hung out in the comics quite a bit. At least, that's the idea I got from it.

"Yes miss boss lady." Rogue is scary.

"Even if they would have, they didn't have any instruments." I realized I forgot to mention the instruments. Heh heh, silly me.

The quote from this chapter (Release your hold and become one with the nougat sneeze) is from X-entertainment. They were reviewing ten-year-old candy bars.. I believe. They had pictures. God it was nasty.

Chapter 7, A Plot for Practice, or Inside Remy's Mind!

Omnipotent and all powerful mean the same thing.

Rodney the male guinea pig is from Doctor Dolittle. I think, anyway.

All of what Remy heard has the same word count as what Rogue said, just converted into blahs.

"Did she just swear? I thought we weren't allowed to swear." The rating is only PG, after all. ;)

"Her stuffed dragon." On one of the earlier eps of Evo, Kitty was shown with a stuffed dragon on her bed. Can you say "Lockheed?"

"And had lots of ingredients that tended to deteriorate with time." Crawfish and whatever they put in that sauce starts smellin' funky after a few hours. Don't ask how I know.

"Forgot I can't move by myself." You have to use the remote control to get Sue Anna moving, remember? I have no idea how she got all these random places.. don't ask.

"All the better to fry you with, my dears." Another obvious ripoff.

The quote from this chapter is from Darkened Skye. That is one of the best games in the world, if only because it can make you laugh your arse off while bashing villains.

Chapter 8, The Ballad of Logan and Rodna, or it Sucks to be the Author's Punchbunnies.

The Ballad of John and Yoko is what this chapter's title is a play off of.

Rodney, the guinea pig. Yet again. I love him. "I have just been violated!" ringin' any bells?

"I tried to tell her that I've been in two and there's the whole comic series centric on me!" X-1 and X-2, duh, and then all those little sideflings that chronicle what Logan does on his trips. Duh. Hugh Jackman's hot.

"At glove-point." Like at gun-point. If you didn't get that.. jeez, how thick can you get?

"Yes ppl, everyone's fav Beast will be getting more then a passing mention in this." He only got a "Final thought" at the end of the original.

"Monkeys dressed like pirates." Blatantly stolen from "The Lack Diorama," by A Denial. One of the funniest stories on this site, seriously.

"Barney and his affiliated associates." Using big words in relation to idiots is fun.

"Chupacabras." I think they're cool. -nods-

"Then Pyro walked in, leading an army of dancing koalas made of fire." Another Toddfan thing, although her version was dancing WOMBATS. How's that for originality punk?

"It's much preferable to drinking your blood, non?" I am a card-carrying member of the Neillsville chapter of The Coven of the Undead. My position? Grand High Pubah and Blood Bank Operator.

Chapter 9, The Transition to KAREOKE, or Why am I Suddenly Phobic of Penguins?

The quote at the beginning is from Aladdin. I was channel surfing, and I paused, and Genie happened to say that. It was one of the funniest things I've seen.

"Whatever Sam/Rahne is called." I just discovered that Sam/Rahne is usually referred to as Rahm. -shrugs- I guess there's no accounting for taste.

"Alas poor Yorick." A line from Shakespeare's Play Hamlet, duh.

The whole "aussie accent" thing is a play on "The Crocodile Hunter." I think Steve Irwin's an idiot.

"This guy's got fangs the size of my pinky!" Has anyone noticed how small his fangs are?! I mean, they could only do damage if he like.. sunk his teeth into the pierced part of my ear.

The whole "Remy staring at Rogue and asks her to marry her" really is a joke from the comics. On this one site I went on, they had a snap of it. Of course, the girl was really a guy, who was a shapeshifter. What fun.

"Doomed to be this author's favorite basement-bunny!" Yes Remy lives in my basement and no, you may not rent him out at your party.

Tree Girl really was crap. Please don't make me think about it until I've rewritten it.. please?

The "pigeon puppet" quote is from an ep of TMNT. I was bored, and there was nothing better on tv. So sue me.

Chapter 10, Kareoke and Drunken Madness, or Finally, Old Requests Layed to Rest!

In the original, Mayleen kept buggin me to have Remy sing "Iris." I don't know why.

"Get away from me, you friggin midget." A reference to A Pyro's Rage's fic, "Behind the Mutants." Everyone should go check out his homepage and read it, because it is the funniest damn fic out there, practically.

Has anyone else noticed how many mutants are blue on Evo? Kurt, Mystique, Beast.. there's prolly more as well.. Apocalypse is another good one.

X-2 has the crappiest acting I've ever seen. Seriously.

"Guinea pigs, Eddie Murphy." Eddie Murphy was the star of Dr. Dolittle.

Chapter 11, Pyro's Penguin Plot, or What the Beep?

The ep of FOP was "Wanda's day off." or something like that anyway.

"That would allow us to endow penguins with the power of speech and be able to burn stuff." Another A.P.R ref.

The penguin with the red eyes and the tap-dancing thing is a ref to "De penguins, De penguins!" by AddieLogan. (all of these fics are on my favorites list.)

I made a maaajor mistake in this chapter. Please ignore it.

Chapter 12, Cooking with Magneto, or All of a Sudden, I'd kill for Waffles.

"Glitter" was a very short attempt at Rogue angst.. it was wierd.

I think Pokemon is dumb. Except for the movies. The movies are kind of cool.

"Can't be too careful, what with Remy and Logan around." Remy and Logan are both notorious drinkers.

"I am the master of magnetism! Are you not amazed?!" Yet another A.P.R. ref.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU SPINY FREAK!" Another ironic statement, since at Evan's debut I mentioned that he was the angst version.

"Their dozens of little children." Hamsters multiply really fast. Not as fast as mice, but faster then rabbits.

"No! No! Girls give me the HIVES!" A quote from FOP.

Chapter 13, The Debut of the Self Inserts, or I'm Going to Die.

The quote is from Artemis Fowl: The Eternity code. The Artemis Fowl books rock out loud baby! If you haven't read them.. -shakes head-

Space Toast is another humor story I have written. It's on both sites, in prose on FFN, in script on EE.

Alix, I am SO going to use the whole "Sex-ed" thing sooner or later. That sounds like so much fun.

"Got dat wight, wabbit." Quoted from IT, the book by Steven King. I was reading it at the time.

Kitty knows nuttin about the X-men. Tis a sad, sad affliction, verily siblings.

New Beginnings is a totally awesome Jonda by ETA. Which is ALSO on my favorites list.

Kitkat is what I call Kitty when she's acting stupid. (-begs Kitty to refrain from hurting her when she reads this-)

Mr. Hey you, with the donut, was in the original X-band. He got killed off by Pyro. This was, ironically, the ONLY thing my friend Shelly found funny about the original. She laughed for about half an hour, no joke.

Must you all even ASK what I was talking about with "The Author, the Demon, and the X-men-esque?"

"She said this all very fast." I tend to talk really fast. Even when I'm not hyper. Is that not strange? (bet you thought I was going to say amazing, come on, admit it!)

"EEP!" Eep is the noise I make when I get a) startled, b) scared, or c) see a boy within five feet of me that's even remotely cute.

"She tends to... overreact." I freak out a lot. It's strange.

"I'll do it from your POV even!" I rarely do Romy from Rogue's POV.. has anyone else noticed that?

"She's mangling MY accent!" Nobody can do Kurt's accent properly. Better to just give him a few German words and let the rest work itself out.

"Finish my stories and we're even, got it?" Jazz is as unhappy as I am with the state of her stories.

"That Neillsville is no place to stage a hostile takeover." It's not, really. The only place you could really have fun with is uh.. riding the gigantic plastic cow known as "Chatty Belle," hijacking the radio station, raiding the giant piece of plastic cheese that they keep in a cage, and uh.. that's probably it.

Chapter 14, Of Squirrels and Bazookas, or Dironess!

The ep of FOP was "A case of diary-uh." Funniest ep ever, IMHO.

Apocaroach and Pyro are seriously the most fun characters to write for. Evil villains are so fun to torture!

"Saying something about meeting Gary Coleman and Captain Underpants." Yet another Space Toast ref. This time, it's from the deleted scenes.

"Pyro loved squirrels." A lot of humor fics have Pyro as a romance novelist who likes squirrels. The romance novelist part I get.. but squirrels?

I just realized I should have had the squirrels speak like they do in The Emporor's New Groove. Damn.

"I'm going to get a lecture from someone on how chere has a male spelling, I just know it." It's just, I've seen some fics where Belle is talking to Remy and chere is spelled cher, without the e. I've seen it enough times to get the idea that's it not just a typo.

Apocaroach's b **Secret Closet Lair **/b (tm) is a joke from The InterNutter's awesome sprite comic, named (originally) XME Comic. You have to go check it out. It's internutterdotorg. Totally awesome. Dig it my brethren and sistren.

My friend uses her high heels to squash bugs sometimes.. it's not pretty.

I will do ANYTHING to drag Sue Anna into it.

"She held up a sign which read, 'Get away from me.'" This is another one of Sue Anna's quirks. She can't speak, remember?

"But mum, I liiiiike vegemite.." Vegemite is this totally nast stuff they put on toast in Australia. I've had it. It's not wort the trip.

"De t'ings I do for dis idiot.." I like making Pyro look stupid. It's fun.

"I was supposed to start wit' dem." As soon as I found out that Remy did indeed start with the X-men, I was pissed that they put him on the Acolytes.

Bobtheheadlesschicken mentioned something about a new team with Remy and Pie I think.. it confused the shit out of me, seeing as I haven't read the story yet.

"Something about Lance and spaghetti-O's, I think." A ref to The InterNutter's section of "Plot? What Plot?" entitled "Red dye number.. something or other." I just can't remember the number. So sue me.

"And no, she wasn't crazy. Well, any more then she already was." When me and Kit get together with a bit of sugar mixed in, we go insane. We act like we're drunk, seriously. It's fun! -nods-

"And especially not her Snicker Salad." Snicker Salad is a delicious concoction involving snickers, whipped cream, and some other yummy stuff. Kitty loves the stuff to death.

Chapter 15, Distraction Tactic #362, or Rogue's Phobia.

"With a Mr. Tomlin-esque pointer stick." My teacher is named Mr. Tomlin. He's really funny, and he has this pointer stick. He's always looking for reasons to use it.

"Ayup" is another one of those things I've picked up from Stephen King.

"Yup yup." According to my friends, I say this a lot.

"Alistor was betting Pie's bedroom." The obligatory sexual innuendo.

"Remy, how many times have I told ya? Just because no one can see ya doesn't mean you're safe." Another ref to "De penguins, de penguins!" God, I love that fic.

I don't know why Rogue is scared of Gary Coleman. Let's just go with Apocaroach's explanation, shall we?

"Tune in next chapter for the ever-continuing "Journies of Apocaroach!" Something they said on old tv shows.. or so I've been told. The fifties equivalent of "To Be Continued..."

Chapter 16, Discussions with Figments, or Alistor is a Pervert.

"Oh, if I owned the X-men, bum bidi bidi bidi bum bum." Depending on how you interpret this, it could be an "Eight Crazy Nights" ref or a "Fiddler on the Roof" ref.

"Oc's stop and stare." I don't swear much. But when I do, it's usually in French or quite profane.

"It's just that Kurt's obsessed with you... and Harry Potter liked you too and Spiderman seemed to have a thing for you as well and so did this Sphynx guy." Sorry XKID, I like your fics, really, but that just kind of ticks me off. That and your three paragraph updates.

"Hey dad." Logan is Pythona's dad since she was involved in Weapon X.

"First the peanut butter thing, then the indignity of the watermelon." Technically, the watermelon came before the peanut butter. God, I'm such an idiot.

"I have to tell him I planted the aphrodesiac." For all of you who don't get the aphrodisiac thing, it's like Viagra.. although I think a different one's the purple kind.

"With every single this-damn-show-won't-bloody-DIE episode of Pokemon." There are like, seven series of this now, each with like, five seasons. Seriously.

"Silly neener-heads." Stolen from Garfield. That comic's bloody genius.

"Foot-long hotdogs." Must you even ASK?

"Yes indeed you better believe it." A line from Albuquerque, a song by Wierd Al. Very funny. Basically, an eleven minute rant.

The quote is, once again, from X-entertainment. That site rocks.

Chapter 17, Scare Tactics, or Dude, I Need Suggestions!

"How can you be so bloody cheerful this early anyway?" I am NOT a morning person. 'Nuff said.

"We started with John. We crept into his room at 6 A.M. and whispered 'Purple Peeps.'" A ref to "Nine to Five," one of the funniest Jonda/Romy's out there. Read it.

"Daphine, who was apparently sitting on the floor.." No, I don't know why she was in there.

"Die zombie!" A reference to the SpongeBob ep, "The Nasty Patty."

Kitty's a very good artist. And undoubtedly she's going to smack me for spreading that across the net.

"We whispered 'Yellow Submarine' into his ears." Logan has a pathological fear of the Beatles. He freaks out whenever he hears them. The reasons for that are as lost as the rest of his past.

"Kurt is one of those mentally scarred for life types." Seriously. Do you have ANY idea how many Kurt-angst fics there are on this subject?

"It's only a running joke if I make a joke about it being a running joke." Too true.

Cairo is in Africa.

Gucci produces nice loafers, which Apocaroach and Mesmeroach would like to find.

"So solly Chollie." An obscure Dark Tower ref. Eddie screams it at a talking train. It's hilarious.

Redneck woman is something I wrote in five minutes purely for my own enjoyment.

The quote is from Abracatastrophe, the FOP movie.

Chapter 18, Of Splenda and Bombs, or Equal distribution.

"Stalking Elijah Wood." I am obsessed with Elijah Wood. God, he's hot.

Splenda is an alternative to sugar. It tastes more or less the same. Less than more.

Quoi means "What?" in French. Just thought I'd mention that.

"We don't want to risk the paradoxes that would come with Jott children, now do we?" No, we most certainly don't.

MD is what all my friends refer to Mountain Dew as. IMO, Mountain Dew is the nectar of the gods.

The whole Alistor and Jazz thing is the obligatory sexual innuendo, of course.

Supervillains Anon. is another thing from Space Toast.

Apocaroach's theory really is rather logical.. if you think about it long enough.

The quote from this chapter is from IT, but it's been changed slightly so that the first bit matches the movie, which I have on DVD. That is such an awesome story.

Chapter 19, We're Going to Vegas Baby, Yeah, or Fun With Mental Imagery!

I love Spearmint Trident.

Teren is Rogue's sister and Alistor's girlfriend in Mayleen's fics.

"Honored Sai" is a respectful term in the Dark Tower series.

Jazz happens to be my fanfiction muse. Go figure.

My other muse is my original fiction muse. I happen to be working on a novel, so ner. But Tasha hasn't spoken up in a while, so I think Jazz's duct-taped her mout shut.

Did you notice how alike the beginnings of those were? That was intended, I assure you.

"..pulled out her 'tell-your-band-mates-what-to-do' dry erase board (patent pending)." A joke from the original.

IMO, Celine Dion and Britney Spears generally suck. A few of their songs are good.

It's too much to ask that Nsync really would die in a fiery explosion, isn't it. At least they broke up.

"Where did that loud, announcer-ish voice come from?" The orignal's running joke.

"And turn him towards the sun and water him periodically." Paraphrased from Calvin and Hobbs. Another great comic.

Think about that image of the nude beach. Not for very long of course. It really is quite scary.

The quote is, obviously, from the Emporor's New Groove. That movie is so cool.

Chapter 20, The X-odus to Vegodus, or the Author's on a Sugar High! Run for the Hills!

X-odus: Exodus. Vegodus: Ditto.

"Anything is possible with the right amount of sugar!" So true.

Regina the Queen of Random is an Amyro obsessor on FFN.

Seether rocks out loud. Literally.

Black socks is one of the most fun annoying songs I know.

"Wouldn't that be brown socks?" A question I have often pondered over while drinking Mountain Dew. Go figure.

The song that Alix sings is called "My grandfather's clock." It's very fun to sing, although I can rarely get the tune right.

"This is the song that never ends!" Like all the annoying songs in this chapter, it's one that has been taught to me by Ver and Lyd. They are so cool.

Alie, how was I supposed to know you were underage? I simply assumed you were 16, like all the Brit authors on EE.

Ishandahalf is an awesome Romy author.

I really -did- see a General Pengy penguin at a zoo this summer. We went there on holiday, and there was a penguin with red eyes that kept staring at me at the zoo! Bad times man, bad times.

"Yes, but dere a difference! M' eyes are sexy and smoldering! His eyes shine like de red eyes of Satan!" A third "De penguins, de penguins!" ref.

I love Between the Lions. It is the best little kids show out there. It's really funny.

My Catechism teacher hates me, because I draw in class. He thinks I'm not paying attention, although I answer almost every question. -ner-

Chapter 21, The B-hood's Trip, or Shortness and Cheesehead Bashing!

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

"Like an Irate duck." Quoted from the book my teacher's reading in class. It's hilarious, really.

"Crawled from the twisted burning wreckage, crawled on their hands and knees for three full days, draggin' along-" Another Albuquerque ref. That song rocks.

Lambuea Field is home of the Packers, Wisconsin's football team and general bane of my existance.

The whole description of the game is what it looks like to people like me.

The first and last quotes involving citrus were made up by me and my friends.

Chapter 22, Finally, At Vegas, or a Bit of Randomness!

The wine coolers joke was made up by me and Heather on a slow day at the cafeteria. There's something in the water, really.

Matt Man is one of Matt's many nicknames. Others include Matt Bond, Draco Mattfoy, and many, many more.

Leaving out a keyboard player was a grave mistake of mine. I feel so scarred.

The Majestic is the title of a movie. I've never seen it, it was just convenient.

I don't know what country Rob is from, seriously. The idea that he's from Brazil is from Toddfan.

Piotr is a sheltered country boy, like Kurt and Sam.

The quote is from Stephen Kings On Writing. All people should read it at one time or another.

Chapter 23, Band Stuff, or Funny Junk with Random Villains!

Arbitrarily placed plot-devices are a bad habit of mine.

I like to make things blow up. This is one of the many reasons I like Gambit so much.

Invader Zim is one of my favorite Nick toons. It totally sucks that they canceled it.

IZ is an Irkan.. it could be spelled with an I for all I know.

"The bad villain puns just write themselves, don't they." Quoted from Kim Possible.

All of this stuff about lightbulbs is true.

"In my mind, that's what passes for subtle." I have a sick, sick mind. I can turn just about anything into an innuendo.

GIR is Zim's robot assistant.

"It will be a Poke of DOOOM!" Paraphrased from the show. I miss Invader Zim so. AUGH! VERSE!

I picked up "Dues Ex Machina" from the A Series of Unfortunate Events 7, the Vile Village.

"GIR just changed into his dog costume." GIR is supposed to wear this green dog suit. It's very very funny.

"What say ye, yay or nay?" Quoted from Robin Hood: Men in Tights. God, I love that movie.

The quote is from Between the Lions, the Shakespeare episode. Everyone should watch that show. Any show with talking chickens is all right with me. -nods-

Chapter 24, Romy and Logan's Amazing Adventure, or Fun with Plumbing!

The Tenth Kingdom was a mini-series released by NBC around... 1998 I think. It was totally bloody awesome, and I have it on tape! Whee!

"Wanda used her powers to make herself win every time, of course." Part of Wanda's powers is to be able to alter probability fields, although this takes time and practice... lots of time and practice.

The whole frog scene is completely stolen from said mini-series. I just twisted it a tad. Why did I put Logan as the bumbling father? ...I don't know. Stop asking me such hard questions!

"The travelers noticed the frog had a Jamaican accent." In the captions for the movie, they list it as a French accent. But it's Jamaican, all right.

"The frog looked as though he might pop." It's true that if you squeeze a frog, it will pop. Or, if you step on it, it will appear to deflate. -winks at Kitty-

"There was quite a bit of screaming and sheet-grabbing, and much much embarrasment." In a lot of humor fics I read, they often have a part where Remy and Rogue get married while drunk and then play out the scene that follows. I am merely following in the footsteps of my ancestors.

"I'm going to do a parody of it after this." I am, really. I just have to work out who goes where.

The quote from this chapter is from me. I couldn't think of anything else.

Chapter 25, Back to the Mansion, or Funny Crap!

"GALLS AND FIREBLIGHT!" Shouted by a tree in the book/movie "The Last Unicorn." Everyone should see that movie, really. It's cool.

"FEWMETS!" Picked up from A Wind in the Door, by Madeline L'Engle. It means "dragon droppings."

"Barry Manilow music." This should be banned. People can go insane from listening to it, seriously.

"Underground aliens, mole people, and Barry Manilow enthusiasts." Being an alien, a mole person, or a Barry Manilow enthusiast is usually something you want to keep secret.

"Several levels of hell." There's this theory that says that hell has several levels, or circles. The seventh circle is reserved for really bad ppl, like politicians.

"My nickname in Seventh grade was Twitch." It was. When I get upset or annoyed, I twitch. I got stuck with these really idiotic guys in a science group, and they made me twitch... a lot. So they decided to call me Twitch. Amazing conclusion, no?

"Did Kurt just.. come up with a good idea?!" It seems that, in most humor stories, if Kurt comes up with an idea, it's usually a bad one that ends up in punishment and mental scars. Just an observation I've made.

"EVERYONE IN THE WAR ROOM!" The war room is where Logan discusses missions and junk like that, usually.

The quote is, once again, from X-entertainment.

Chapter 26, More Final Thoughts, or Quotes Involving Sloths.

"I feel deprived of Cheshire/Alice stuff." I do, really. I ship Cheshire/Alice, and there are like.. three good ones out there. Only one of them is finished, so that's why I feel deprived.

"A tic going under his left eye." A tic is when a person's eye twitches. Not pretty.

"Professor-head." Quoted from Peeves in Harry Potter.

"NO NO, YOU SILLY MONKEY PEOPLE, NO!!" Quoted from Toddfan, again.

"NO COMPRENDE SENHORR!" Quoted from IT. It's a phonetic spelling.

"Before you have an annuerism, hmm?" An annuerism is when a vessel in your brain explodes.. I think. I'm pretty sure about that.

"Rodna, Rodna, wherefore are thou Rodna?" Romeo and Juliet quote, Rodna style.

"All you need is love!" A quote from the originally titled Beatles song, "All you need is love."

"Where's my tinfoil hat?!" Since we're reading Xavier's mind, he's paranoid. Tinfoil is supposed to keep people from doing that... isn't that wierd?

"The author is a Kurtty shipper.." Well, I AM, so ner.

If you didn't notice, both in the original and this one, Ray and Rob's thoughts are exactly the same, except for the names.

"WHY won't the author write a me/Rahne pairing? WHY?!" I ship Rahm, if you didn't know.

"God, Logan's hot." I ship Logan/Jubes in comic-verse.

"The author sez no no, but I sez yes yes." Quoted, once again, from A.P.R. I'm so obsessed with that fic.

"Blob smash!" Must you even ask about this one? ..-sighs- All right, "Hulk smash!" ring a bell?

"Mmm.. birds." In the movie, Todd eats birds as well as bugs.

"Heck, what was the point of putting me in evo in the first place?!" Tabs has a long and complicated history in Evo.. and frankly, none of it makes sense.

"Like a potted plant?" A potted plant would be a good match for Remy. Same mental capacity and all that.

"Come on baby, light my fire!" Quoted from some old song.

"Why am I writing down what I'm thinking? I already know.." If I didn't.. that would be a problem.

"-several songs are playing at once-" Kitty has this habit of getting songs stuck in her head.. lots of them, all at the same time.

"Oh my god Pyro's so HOT!!! And so is Remy.. mmm.. You know, now that I've met Daph, I should probably get back to my stories.. hmm... NAH!" Sorry about that Di. I didn't see your update when I wrote this. And for people who don't read TATDATXM (a.k.a. heathens who are totally out of the loop) Di dated Pyro.. until he betrayed her. Mean mean Pyro!

"If the author dislikes me so much, why am I in all her stuff?" A question for the ages, really.

"Does dis mean dat I have to go back to my miserable existance in OC limbo?" In my thinking, whenever an OC gets ignored, they get sent to OC limbo. Which is part of the reason why Jazz is my muse. She hates it there.

"I need to kill my author.. really I do. It's just penance for killing me, after all." Sam got killed off in New Beginnings. -makes a face at ETA-

"We wait for the Plot Device, of course." Natural thing to do, really.

"Stop talking in unison like that," said Rogue. "Seriously, it's creepy." It is. I had them talk like that a lot.

"A large purple dinosaur-ish thing." Barney, duh. He's devilspawn, really.

"Which was playing a loop of Dallas, Passions, Dynasty.." Dumb shows, most of them from the eighties.

The zany quote is stolen from "Freaky Friars from France," by Voldie on Varsity Track. That is an awesome story. You will laugh your arse off.

And that's that!

Now, since you've probably all just skipped down here in search of the deleted scenes, here they are! And if you DID read all my blather.. you get a cookie and I'll try to make it worth your while.

Deleted scenes, take 1.

Jean: -running around screaming-

Remy: -blinks- What's wit' her?

Rogue: -looks up- Hmm? Oh, Jean, right. She's an idiot. I stuck pizza in her hair and told her that it would suck out her brains. -shrugs and goes back to reading a book-

Deleted scenes, take 2.

Logan: -sobbing hysterically-

Kurt: -walks in and does a double take- What's wrong Logan? Rodna troubles again?

Logan: -still sobbing, nods and points to his foot, where Rodna and her babies are eating his toes- She said that letting her eat my foot would be the ultimate symbol of my love.

Kurt: -walks out, twitching-

Deleted scenes, take 3.

M.A.: -walking along the hallway, humming and staring at the ground, until she trips over something and looks up-

Remy, Rogue, Kitty, Kurt: -glare-

M.A.: -blink-

Rogue: We've got a bone to pick with you.

M.A.: -gets up-

Rogue: First, (and most importantly), why in hell would you ship Romy and Kurtty?!

M.A: -adjusts glasses- Kurtty's simple. It doesn't work in any other verse and Lance is stupid and Amanda acts like a Mary Sue. Romy is classic, meant to be, blah blah blah. It works because it does, ok?! -evil glare- And anyway, Scogue and Rietro skeeve me out.

Remy: -mouths- Skeeve?

Rogue: That made no sense at all.

M.A.: What part of "This is humor genre" do you not comprehend woman?!

Rogue, Remy, Kitty and Kurt: -shake heads- We give up. -walk off-

M.A.: oO -is confuzzled-

(That made no sense at all, did it.)

Deleted scenes, take 4.

Alie: -walking along-

Daph: -does her 'theif thing" and swoops down out of nowhere- I got a bone to pick wit' you.

Alie: -shrugs- Ok. Fair enough.

Daph: -falls down on knees and begs and pleads- Set me freee! I doan wanna go back ta OC limbo! Please please please!!!

Alie: -blinks and edges away- Who knew my character could be so wierd?

Daph: It's scary dere!

Author: -sighs- This is what I get for staying up until midnight and attempting to write this at seven A.M.

Deleted scenes, take 5.

Professor X: -humming to himself, when his wheelchair tips over and he falls out- Ack! My spleen!

Invader Zim: -jumps out of nowhere and laughs loudly- Ha ha! Inferior human organs!

Remy: -gasps and throws a charged card at him-

IZ: -hits a wall and grabs his stomach- My squeedilyspooch!

Author: -sighs again- Ditto. God, I hate my life.

Deleted scenes, take 6.

Kitty: -to Kurt- Like, forget Lance! I, like, love YOU Kurt! -tackles him-

Kurt: I agree with you liebe!! Let's run away together! Forget our signifigant others!

Logan: Awww, Elf'n Half-pint're so good together! I'll be the best man, and Rodna can be a bridesmaid! -skips, yes skips off-

Author: Must.. stop.. having.. sugar...

Deleted scenes, take 7.

Professor X: -sitting in his study, humming to himself-

Dr. Evil: -pops out of nowhere, and holds a ray gun to the Professor's head- If you want to live, give me a million, billion, bazillion... shabbadoo...-clears throat- dollars.

Professor X: -takes out a safe and throws money at him-

Dr. Evil: From one bald guy to anotha, turtle wax works best. -disappears-

Professor X: -sighs- I guess that means it's back to the 900 number for me. -puts a turban on his head-

Author: ...O-O

Deleted scenes, take 8.

M.A.: -is walking through the common room-

Sam, Rahne, Jamie, Tabitha, Ray, Rob, Amara, Jubilee, and Kitty: -stand in front of her, holding signs-

M.A.: -blinks- What's this all about?

Kitty: We, the ignored characters of this story, are taking a stand.

Everyone else: -nods-

M.A.: ...What's the sense in that? If I didn't ignore you, you'd end up like Beast or Ororo, with an unusual phobia and perhaps a sloth.

The group: -blinks-

Sam: She has a point there.

The group: -general murmers of assent-

M.A.: You people are strange. -walks off-

Author: Well, that was ironic... I think.

Deleted scenes, take 9.

Alistor, Jazz, Ky, Samantha, Daphine, and Pythona: -sitting on the couch, looking dazed-

Mr. Peanut: -walks in and starts to tapdance-

Mr. Shmallow: -walks in- Hello fallows, I'm Mr. Shmallow.

Mr. "Hey, you, with the donut": -walks in, holding a box of donuts, and distributes them among the group-

OC's: -blink-

Jazz: We really need to lay off the sugar and alcohol.

Other OC's: -nod sagely-

Author: ...My god, I'm insane.

Deleted scenes, take 10.

Kurt: -walks by, singing, "The Devil went Down to Georgia."-

Logan: -walks by after him, singing "Yellow Submarine."-

Rogue: - walks by, singing "Redneck woman."-

Warren Worthington the III: -walks by, singing, "On eagle's wings"-

Remy: -walks by, singing, "Angel Eyes."-

Wanda: -walks by, singing, "I Put a Spell on You."-

Todd: -walks by, singing, "Black Magic Woman."

Katie: What's going on?

M.A.: I'm stuck for ideas, so I'm having X-men Evolution: The musical!

Katie: -nods, clearly not understanding-

Kitty: -appears out of nowhere, holding a bowl full of white goop- Want some Snicker Salad?

Author: Well, that was random anyway. Aaaand, that's a wrap. Man, this was long.

Wayne Brady: -appears out of nowhere- Amen sister!

Author: What the hell? I need to stop staying up so late. The hallucinations are getting to me. That was the X-band Part Deuce! ppl! Hope you enjoyed it. If you didn't.. that's your problem. Peace, love, and review!


End file.
